I have a bff who is my caregiver because I have brain damage/schizo etc. She reminded me that I am a bitch, I was always a bitch, and will remain a bitch, and that's why the adult children in the home don't really like me.
I'm rude, inconsiderate, and I don't even catch myself doing it.
Well they sound like a bitch to me! Usually we push people away to avoid rejection. 'I know I'm behaving horribly, so it's that behaviour and not the real me that they hate'
Do you get therapy? Sounds like you need to work out why you think so little of yourself that you need to keep people away. And why do they pose such a threat to you that you can't let them get close? Good luck x