How to start going forward?

[Fyodor]

Hi! I am a guy, a French student. So recently I had to be put off school by my doctor because of my anxiety. It's been real bad, like I would keep having these panic attacks with all the fear of dying, of not being able to get out of it. I am a really good student, but these days I am particularly afraid and anxious about work. I can't stop thinking about my grades, or how I will necessarily disappoint everybody I know and myself. But what really brings me here is the fact that I think I just found the source of all of my mental health problems (OCD like intrusive thoughts, sadness that seem to never go away, feeling that all is lost, compulsive hypochondria thoughts, avoidant attachment, etc.). I think that It all comes from me not knowing who I am! I have always done everything through the expectations the world, my parents everybody had on me. Somehow I have not lived enough for myself: my dad wanted me to be a strong masculine boy while my mom wanted me to become an artist. Now I don't know what I like any more. I mean beyond that I feel that I have always been misunderstood in my life: not fitting with any community, people, culture, religion (nothing made sense to me!). So now I find myself wondering what I am doing here. What am I going to do of this life? Who am I? I don't even know if I like boys, girls, both (at least I know that anyways my relationships fail). I don't know what person I am. What I like to do. Where am I going? Sometimes I am just thinking about all this nonsense and I wonder if it is worth it. But mostly I am wondering how to go forward right now.
So what do you guys think? What are some methods you used to try to get over anxiety and all of the stuff that comes with it? (except psychotherapy because it is already planned) Like are there any habits to take on? Or thinking trick?

 

[calypso]

I am pleased that therapy is planned - that would be my first port of call for all this. You can find your way through this and its not unusual for people to have identity crises at times. Finding your way out beyond the shadow of your parents is going to be tough, but it gets easier.

When we are in such a state a common mistake is to try to do too much all at once and then crash and burn and spiral us again. Start with very small things. Make a list of things you like eg chocolate ice cream. Yes that small, and gradually build up to bigger questions such as which politicians cheer me up and which anger me. There is also Mindfulness which can help - here is a brief intro to it.

How do I start practicing mindfulness? | Mental Health Forum

Have you ever wondered how to start practicing mindfulness? This article describes a mindfulness exercise, with detailed instructions.

www.mentalhealthforum.net