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B123321

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Joined
Oct 28, 2009
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Hi,

When i lie in bed I can only get to sleep if i put my self into a fantasy world, e.g. I think of myself as some kind of super hero who isnt scared of nothing and is infallable to nothing; from this am i right in believeing that this is some sort of mental stigma that I have created within my own mind to stop my self worrying about other things in my past? With the reason being that thinking this way allowed a type of mental release, and also for me to forget about my worries when i lay silently in my bed?
From this i think i should explain a bit about my past. When i was younger I was sexually abused by some person (who i wont name). He was an older guy, one of my friends older brothers, and basically, he managed to make me feel that everyone was against me by lying to them about things I was supposedly saying about my friends, then after he had spread his fowl lies and I was feeling lonely and hurt he came up to me and said "I can sort this all out if you do what i say", this involved some sexual gratification on his part. It was horrible, and at the time I was so fucking nieve and low on self esteem (because of this thing) i ended up doing as he said, i sometime hate myself for being that god damn stupid and allowing this to occur.

Basically, this is has been emotionally draining me on a daily basis for about 15 years now, and due to this I was wondering if anyone on here knew a good way for me to get over this crap.

Thanks for reading!
 
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