How to manage my fears

C

Charlene89

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2018
Messages
10
#1
Hi everyone. I am 30 years old with a 4 and 1 year old. When my daughter was 1 she had this horrible stomach bug. 48 hours later i caught it. I just remember feeling abit traumatised. I had not had stomach bugs really before and being ill with a baby was a scary situation for me. 3 months later it happened again. Then 6 months after she got another. I did not catch the 3rd one but i caught her 4th one 2 months later. After that year i started with what i presume is anxiety. I was scared to try for another baby. I could not cope with 2 children in those situations i thought.... then my daughter got travel sickness at age 2. This made things so much worse. I no longer enjoyed days out. I was constantly waiting for her to say mummy i feel sick. It ruined several days out but thankfully we now have kwells which seem to work. I did have a second child. I did struggle in the first 4 months with morning sickness but also i had this horrible anxious feeling throughout my pregancy. I was worried about making plans in advance, i am still like it now. It was like as soon as i made plans i would feel sick,headachy, tired, weak etc...

When my son was born i had an almost 3 year old and a newborn. Trying to arrange things felt hard. I was tired. My head hurt more often. My neck muscles were tense from pushing my pram around.i felt worried id feel wobbly when i was out. I worried my eldest would throw up if we went in shops etc. I always felt abit rough on the days i made plans.

I went to look at my daughters primary school before applying 6 months ago. I felt weak and abit off that morning. I got in my friends car for a lift and the sound of her heaters made me feel worse. I put the window down for air. I got out the car at the school and just felt like i wanted to walk home rather than go in. I just felt nervous about going inside. I think in my head i was thinking what if i get too hot, what if i feel sick and have to just act ok. Once i got inside i was fine and nothing went wrong.

Since that day i have been thinking and worrying about the 30 minute walk to school there and back, twice a day. I am worrying that i wont feel enough energy. Im worried my daughter will be sick at school and ill have to walk her home vomiting in the street. I worry i wont feel well as i often feel not quite right.

The thing is before kids i worked and never ever felt these things.

Im feeling worse this week as my mum friend that ive been close to for 3.5 years is a little out my life now. Our kids are both 4 and have been little best friends. My friends son no longer likes my daughter as shes too rough with him. Its been an awkward situation for a few months and last week he told my daughter he did not like her anymore and refused to play with her. I had to take my daughter home in tears. The problem is they have both just got places at the same school. Now i feel guilty as hes scared of my daughter. I put hwr down for the same schoo as him so they had eachother and i would have his mum. Also because its a good school. I now worry that my friend wishes my daughter wasn't going there. Shes still fine with me but shes not acknowledging her sons quite sensitive. I dont want her little boy telling my daughter to go away etc at school and perhaps upsetting her and encouraging other kids to say the same to her. I really cant believe im having to worry about this.

Does anyone have any tips or advice on how i can manage or cope with these feelings. Ive not been to the drs about it. But i need to wake up feeling ready and confident for the school runs. I cant be feeling so worried about managing. I need to be there for my daughter and be a strong mum
Thanks for reading x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
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The West Country
#2
I'm not a Mum but have friends who are and I have nothing but admiration for mothers! So sending big hugs to you, for a start.

It was like as soon as i made plans i would feel sick,headachy, tired, weak etc...
I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this but those are all signs of anxiety and stress.
And the trouble is, the more you get anxious the more likely you are to feel unwell. And the more unwell you feel the more likely you are to be anxious. So it's a really tough cycle to try to break.

I do think it would be worth visiting your GP. I don't know if you're concerned about what they might think of you, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that you get some help about how to manage your anxiety.
They may offer you medication, which some people find difficult to accept, but it's worth thinking about. There's no shame in having that help. I've personally found medication very helpful in easing the symptoms of anxiety.
Depending on where you live and what's available in your area, you might also be offered talking therapies.

Also i've never been in your situation but I think I would try to reach out to your other Mum friend and say that you value her friendship, and to not let your children's interactions affect that.
I do think kids can be quite fickle and there's a chance it might all blow over and they get on well again. I guess they're at that age where they're still learning so much about interacting with others and what the boundaries are etc.
 

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