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How to let go



New member
Dec 13, 2009
Brisbane, Aust
Hi everyone

This is my first post, but I need advice.

I am in hospital with depression and anxiety - this is my 3rd visit this year (total of approx 19 weeks). I have never been in a psych clinic before. It's a pretty great place from my point of view. Staff are great and my psych who I get to see 6 times a week is good too.

One of my main problems is that I have been having problems with my oldest daughter for 20 years or so. It started with drug addiction, while addicted she had 3 sons. She has always called on me and for the boys' sake I have always been there for her. Also, I was pretty naive or just didn't want to believe she was on drugs. I have given her everything I could, done everything I could, but am now at the point that I have to stop. She has a very serious illness, and is now addicted to pain killers and valium, but off the illegal drugs.

I guess I've always hoped that she would finally change. Now I know that is not going to happen. My psych wants me to stop seeing her for a while, but that thought is breaking my heart. My problem of course is that the years have taken their toll and I've landed in hospital and have no more to give.

Does anyone have any advice on how to keep in touch with her and my grandsons, but at the same time keeping my sanity. At the moment, all I do is cry for most of the day. I have a psychologist I see weekly and she helps a lot, but I know it's really up to me. I'm on very little medication.

How do you stop getting hooked into all the crises that she generates. There seems to be a new one every day. I have told her once lately that I can't tolerate the crap any more, but the next week, she was in hospital. I got mad for once because it felt like she was punishing me.

Do I just need to gather all my strength (don't have a lot at the moment), sit her down and talk to her again? Or have a joint counselling session with my psychologist.

Thanks adw1952


Well-known member
Founding Member
Apr 24, 2008
Hi and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear how tough things are for you but it sounds like the hospital you are in is a good place.

How old are your grandchildren? I know that as a mother it must be very hard not to be there to help but at the moment you really need to put yourself first which sounds like what your doctors feel too - remember that you are very ill too.

I spent time in hospital at the beginning of this year and it was a very hard decision to take as my children are still quite young - but I really had got to the point that I needed a break from it all and for someone else to be responsible.

I think a joint session with your psychologist sounds like a great idea. My OH and I had one when I was about to be discharged - I was worrried that I would feel like I was under scrutiny all the time but could also understand that my OH was concerned about leaving me alone - and it really did help to have someone else there as an intermediary - hopefully you would find that easier than trying to tackle it on your own.

Good luck and hope to see you around.



Your psychiatrist knows your troubles. Do te mental health Team. I am surprised that they haven't given you advice about your daughter. I think they are right that you must look after yourself but as a mother myself I know that your daughter's problems are always with you. You have been having a ough time, and have my sympaaathy and best wishes.
I would suggest that you talk about getting help for your daughter, either to the psychiatrist or a C.P.N. If they can sort her out it will lessen your own problems. If the children are y oung then the Social Services should know, and they should be offering support.
Take care:hug:
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