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How To Let Go Of Someone You Love?

B

bonobo

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Jan 9, 2015
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131
I have to let go of someone that I love. He treats me badly & it's definitely not a healthy relationship. I don't want to - I have no one else in the world & not having his presence in my life will hurt like hell. However, I know if I don't do it now then later it could hurt even more and I'm not well enough to deal with that.

How does one begin to let go of someone that they love?
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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I think you need to keep reminding yourself of the reasons you've come to this conclusion. The fact that he treats you badly is reason enough. You deserve so much better than that.

I can understand your hesitance but surely you would begin to feel a little better without such a negative influence in your life? Maybe compile a list of pros and cons to help you make up your mind.

I hope you're okay. :hug1:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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First of all, I think it's a really good step in the right direction that you've realised that this isn't a relationship that's healthy and it's not good for you to have someone in your life who treats you badly.
I can empathise with you, it's really hard to love someone who in turn makes you feel bad in whatever way.

I stuck around with a guy I loved so much, but who spoke to me in a really belittling way and treated me as inferior.
I thought it would be ok and after many months of a push/pull dynamic, he eventually spoke to me in such a way that I finally made the decision to have no more contact with him.

What's helped me is being absolutely dedicated to not to romanticising what happened between us and seeing him for a person with bad parts well as good.
I had a tendency to see him through rose-tinted lenses, which made things far more difficult.
I don't know how much time you've spent with this person, but I also found that by no longer seeing him I was left with these hours to feel that I would have otherwise be spending with him.
So I found joining a local pottery class actually helped. Engaging in any activity where there's a social element will help.

Good luck with it all, I really mean that. :hug:
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Some good advice there imo. Viewing somebody I loved in a romanticised way kept me in a self blaming loop, i guess that could be down to how a relationship ends? However I eventually looked at the negative side of the relationship and was able to find some balance in that the relationship was bad for both parties and a good thing that it was over.

I found an app called 'meet up' and after some timid browsing I plucked up the courage to participate in some of the activities as and when I felt able. This helped with getting back out there.
 
P

Purple butterfly

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You know what I was asking myself that same question the other day and the answer I came up with is you need to understand why you ended it to start with.... I recently split with my boyfriend I love him more than anyone could imagine then the abusive messages started leaving gifts at my door basically stalking me....

So my answer to your question is make sure your doing the right thing for you and you will learn to let go just don't fall for his mind games I made that mistake and almost died when I was with him he made me feel so bad about myself I stopped taking my meds so I had boxes of them can you guess what he was telling me to do with all the meds I had saved x
 
J

Jigglypuff Fan

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I have been feeling the same way for months now as I know that the person who was my only true friend and then abandoned me will never speak to me again. And even if he DOES try to apologize and make it up to me, it'll be too late. I wasted a year hoping he'd talk to me again which he never did and made me so depressed that I just didn't see what the point of cleaning was anymore and I lost my home. people don't understand that he actually gave me the motivation to try to improve myself. I mean he helped me move past the assault and showed me that it was okay to go out and not be afraid to be myself and what it was like not having to say and do certain things because it was what people expected me to do and to not act that way and follow my own path was not some sort of crime. I actually felt normal and happy which I have never felt since he abandoned me. And that's exactly what he did. Now I'm afraid to open myself up again and am paranoid that no one will ever like me for who I am and I have this crazy idea that if I became super skinny then no one will ever abandon me again. I know I can't keep living like this but I just can't put being abandoned by him behind me just like how my high school experience keeps haunting me no matter how hard I try to move on.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Hi Khuang, I feel your pain. It's very difficult to move on unless you are ready to let go.
From reading your post you have answers in amongst the text, 'wasted a year', 'follow my own path' although these are tough realities to face they will get you through this.
The text that resonated with me when faced with adversity was 'you are where you are meant to be' It was up to me to interpret that to mean at the end of a relationship or at the beginning of a new chapter.
You are great the way you are, you are as intelligent as anyone else and you fit in to society as equally as anybody.
 
J

Jigglypuff Fan

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Hi Khuang, I feel your pain. It's very difficult to move on unless you are ready to let go.
From reading your post you have answers in amongst the text, 'wasted a year', 'follow my own path' although these are tough realities to face they will get you through this.
The text that resonated with me when faced with adversity was 'you are where you are meant to be' It was up to me to interpret that to mean at the end of a relationship or at the beginning of a new chapter.
You are great the way you are, you are as intelligent as anyone else and you fit in to society as equally as anybody.
That's the problem. I know that I need to move on and am ready to go forward and distance myself from being abandoned but I am having difficulty doing so. I mean I know it's not normal for anyone to actively avoid going out and meeting new people because they were abandoned but that's what I pretty much do. I even avoid telling others about myself because I terrified that they won't like me if I do.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Then you are one step closer, that's positive. You know.
There is no 'normal', you are you. The thoughts you are experiencing are a natural response, try to accept them as thoughts, they do not define you.
You are 'telling others' about yourself, I am not judging you. I believe you are stronger than you think.
Make that step however small it is, have that conversation with a neighbour or friend even if you just say 'hello, how are you'.
I used to love to feed the ducks at the park as a child, age 43 I still do. Small things make a difference.
 
B

bonobo

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Jan 9, 2015
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131
Well, it looks like he 'let go' of me so I didn't have to make the choice...

:cry:
 
G

greenpea

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Jan 27, 2015
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8
Hey Cheer up,, you're gonna be fine, i don't know if you'll agree with me but the fastest way to let go and move on is to love again.. go out, date someone , meet new friends do whatever you can do to entertain yourself. I had the same experience my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me and I had no choice but to move on. I dated 2 guys, I traveled a lot, I met new people and eventually i engaged into a relationship, when my ex found out he tried to win me back but its too late i realized that i don't love him like i used to. Maybe you need to focus on other things so you can let go and move on.
 
A

Aniket

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Jan 27, 2015
Messages
19
Just ask yourself...does any other option you have...instead of letting him go. I guess no....doesn't matter if he loves you or no..you must love yourself first. Please set him free to go...you cannot build any relationship forcefully....if you really love him, then set him free. Enjoy yourself, hang out with friends, flirt with other hot guys, trust me this will surely gonna help you. BE crazy and dress up, make your ex jealous. Make him realize your worth..show him that you are far more happy without his presence in your life.

Move on girl..shit happens in everyone's life, but don't let this shit destroy you..just accept the truth and move on. Life is beautiful and you must enjoy it!!

:hug1:
Sending a cute hug to you..BE HAPPY!!
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Good advice, imo making your ex jealous and making him see your worth is still 'not letting go'.
 
A

Aniket

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Jan 27, 2015
Messages
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Good advice, imo making your ex jealous and making him see your worth is still 'not letting go'.
I agree with you...my bad, may be I have not explained it clearly. But, what i was trying to say is, u stay happy, don't let him know that you are sad without him. You don't need him anymore.
 
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