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How to keep a narcissist/sociopath around?

girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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Ohhhhhh the drama? Why would you enjoy that? Do something else to add drama to your life. You want to keep him but he pushes your buttons to make you feel insecure and you enjoy that. I am at a loss for words.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 2 1/2 years. Can confirm, the cycle of drama and toxicity combined with passionate sex, button pushing, and some loving moments is kind of addictive. When you're an empath and try to give people the benefit of the doubt, it's even harder. After all, it takes a person in such a relationship about 7-9 times on average to successfully leave the relationship. Which typically involves severing all ties of communication, especially if they're the possessive type.
 
girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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Exactly. In fact it was the case. We worked at the same firm and everyone else in the office used to say that he listened to no one, blew off/dismissed most everyone, except for me (like would directly do what I’d advise for a project)
Haha something like that reeled me in, too (in the sense of him not interacting with anyone). He was voluntarily celibate for years before he met me and essentially wouldn't give any woman the time of day (aside from friends, of course, and even then he wouldn't really open up). I believe him, but damn did it sure play into what I want and made me feel special. Enough to ignore all of the glaringly obvious red flags and his abuse.
 
F

Financial_ad429

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Exactly what you said!!! It’s just so hard to “replace” them in favor of something “healthier,” which equates with boredom and far less passion to me.
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

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Any person who calls himself a sociopath - if he really is one - is to be avoided.

I just saw a good TED talk on psycopath bullies at the workplace. The researcher reckons that 1% of the total population are psychopaths which means every corporation in the world will have one.They tend to do very well in business because they have no conscience. Of course they are not liked but they don't care (sounds like the slogan used by Millwall FC hooligans) 🤣

Narcissism is part of it. They are experts at using people and can appear charming when they want to. They are abusers by nature. If this guy is disliked by everyone except you, it means he has succeeded at fooling you but nobody else.

I agree with the poster above what says you like him coz he makes you feel special. Everyone should be made to feel special by their partner. This is just a reflection of the lousy guy you had before. I'm guessing you aint very experienced

Be careful!
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

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I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 2 1/2 years. Can confirm, the cycle of drama and toxicity combined with passionate sex, button pushing, and some loving moments is kind of addictive. When you're an empath and try to give people the benefit of the doubt, it's even harder. After all, it takes a person in such a relationship about 7-9 times on average to successfully leave the relationship. Which typically involves severing all ties of communication, especially if they're the possessive type.
This sounds kinda crazy but unfortunately I think it's true

Over the course of my life I have met far more nice girls with awful boyfriends than the other way round. In one case I knew both the geezer and the gal and the geezer would say things like women want to be told what to do and women like it rough etc. Her friends would say to her what you doing with that tosser and she'd just say I love him or words to that effect.

Those kinda relationships never last but go on far longer than they should.

Hearing stuff like that can be very disconcerting for the nice chaps who have been brought up to treat women well.

Ive even heard married women say things like 'my husband's really nice but boring' while seeking a bit on the side. Not cricket
 
girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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This sounds kinda crazy but unfortunately I think it's true

Over the course of my life I have met far more nice girls with awful boyfriends than the other way round. In one case I knew both the geezer and the gal and the geezer would say things like women want to be told what to do and women like it rough etc. Her friends would say to her what you doing with that tosser and she'd just say I love him or words to that effect.

Those kinda relationships never last but go on far longer than they should.

Hearing stuff like that can be very disconcerting for the nice chaps who have been brought up to treat women well.

Ive even heard married women say things like 'my husband's really nice but boring' while seeking a bit on the side. Not cricket
Yeah, it's unfortunate, but there's some truth to those things. I will say that finding my way into a healthy, loving relationship made me realize (deep down I always knew, just didn't think it was possible with all my past experiences) that's truly what I've always wanted. Sometimes you can find someone really sweet and nice who's aggressive/adventurous in the bedroom, which might be what those women want when they're seeking out something on the side -- since they typically seem to go after the kinkier and rougher type for affairs, I guess. Finding a balance for any relationship is important.
 
Siegfried

Siegfried

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I'm not going to judge what others pay attractive but I'll say that I feel sorry for his kid.

The guy sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a fourteen year old.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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As long as if a time comes when you no longer want the drama, you are able to walk away without trauma, I guess...enjoy while you can!

For me, the drama of one particular relationship (which was actually mostly really GOOD and not toxic) has left me with PTSD after 10 years. Of drama.
 
M

mycutepup2

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Only keep him if you can stay detached emotionally. Make him your spare tire. Hangout with him, enjoy the sex etc but don't ever forget to remind yourself that you are only with him for the pleasure. While having fun with him, keep looking for that one special person who treats you with respect and who you feel you can open up your vulnerability.
I'm have been married for 20 years, the roller coaster never stops and yet I just figure out that he's a narcissist when I stumble upon Dr. Ramani youtube videos.
My husband seems to have changed quite a bit since I start talking to an attorney about divorce. He knows he's going to lose half of his millions in the divorce so he's begging me to stay. I think I'll end up divorcing him but I'm not 100% sure.
My husband loves me but in his own narcissistic way. In my opinion, narcissists do not have the foundation of building a healthy romantic relationship but I just found out after 20 years of marriage.
 
M

morty2

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After 10 yrs of on/off with married man,,ive kissed it goodbye. My head was messed up,ive done this before. Ive come to my senses now. GET HIM GONE!!!!!!.
 
A

AppleJacks999

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I’ve been involved with a textbook narcissist & avoidant attachment guy for a few years. Calls himself a sociopath too (“I don’t form attachments”). Would love to understand him better so I can keep him around. I do NOT wish to change him or think I can.
He’s married but YEARS ago left his wife and child “for work” and will readily admit he didn’t have to, just felt like it, for $/selfishness/freedom. He says he barely speaks to his wife, which I believe, if only bc he would call me every night when visiting his child for hours, and they aren’t even social media friends lol.



We’ve been sexually involved but then he’ll randomly announce he doesn’t need it and reject me. He’ll tell me he doesn’t want me sexually while calling me for phone sex almost every night or asking for an occasional oral favor in person. Tells me we are just friends, then gets belligerent if I admit to dating anyone else. Once he claimed he was really interested in some faraway woman, told me to find someone else, and we didn’t speak for a while. During that, I slept with 1 person once after getting to know him for months. And when I later told the narcissist this, He freaked out and said he’ll never sleep with me again because of what I did. Because of what? He specifically told me to find someone else! Yet he continues tons of sexual conversations with me, And obsesses over trying to find out details of my single encounter that wasn’t him. Recently he said he was upset that taking me out to a nice dinner didn’t seem to be good enough for me since it wasn’t followed by sex. He says he just wants to be alone and doesn’t want sex because it involves connection with another human, yet he texts me all day, if we go out then he’ll start texting me again within half an hour. And some of that is sexual. Sometimes talks about how we “could’ve ended up together”



I know he’ll always go thru cycles of pushing me away, whether it’s acting religious (“I can’t have sex outside of marriage”) or just disappearing bc he wants his freedom. But I really do love being around him & the highs when we actually are sexual are worth it to me. So how do I keep him around… knowing he’s personality disordered and I’ll never have him as a “normal” partner?
Wow, okay...ummm...my experience they only want people they can't have lol
 
Novastars

Novastars

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Get out while you can.
He's using you and manipulating you and from your post it is clear that everything has to happen on his terms. When you take initiative (like when you slept wit someone else) he doesn't like it because the only reason you're in his life - sorry to say this -is because he lets you. Because he can control you.

Run away, you've nothing beneficial to gain from this relationship. Why do you want him in your life in the first place, do you find him fascinating? I can tell you that the feeling isn't mutual. He will drop you at the drop of a hat, leaving you distraught and probably even blaming yourself for his behaviour.

You're a mouse, he's the cat toying with you.
 
A

Anxietyhell

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I got involved foolishly and out of loneliness , with someone that was narcissistic and self absorbed... I allowed it to continue for years, I think I hoped he could be different - I don't think I realised either how attached I became and thought I could handle it... It becomes destructive to mind, body and soul... Its a one way street, you give, accept etc and they take and will happily do so indefinitely... There is no regard for your emotion or feelings, or anything... Its demoralising, damaging and totally toxic... Get out and stay out
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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I got involved foolishly and out of loneliness , with someone that was narcissistic and self absorbed... I allowed it to continue for years, I think I hoped he could be different - I don't think I realised either how attached I became and thought I could handle it... It becomes destructive to mind, body and soul... Its a one way street, you give, accept etc and they take and will happily do so indefinitely... There is no regard for your emotion or feelings, or anything... Its demoralising, damaging and totally toxic... Get out and stay out
Couldnt have said it better myself. I had a relationship like this, as an affair years ago. It was so destructive to me I still am recovering from the abuse.
 
MollyBloom

MollyBloom

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My husband loves me but in his own narcissistic way. In my opinion, narcissists do not have the foundation of building a healthy romantic relationship but I just found out after 20 years of marriage.
You are confusing love with narcissistic supply. He doesn’t love you. He needs you as supply for his wounded narcissistic ego and will express this as “love”. Persons with NPD don’t know love.

You need to get away from him and cut all ties if possible. His wounded narcissistic ego will die without supply and he will do everything within his power to prevent that. Move on without him!
 
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