How to hold myself accountable

[lyesander]

I've been inpatient for anorexia twice throughout my life, once six years ago for about five months, and again this past summer for three. After this last round of intensive treatment the urges never dissipated, and I'm mentally at the same spot as I was going in.

Lately, I've been eating very regularly for my fiancee's sake, as I don't want her to worry. But I'll be moving to my own place at the end of the week, and I'm nervous about holding myself accountable as far as food and my mental health is concerned. I can feel myself gearing up for the possibility of being able to restrict again, and I hate that I'm almost excited for it.

Any tips or advice would be appreciated.

 

[Okie Cavies]

Thank you for sharing your struggles. Kudos for seeing your signs and looking for help. You deserve support while you are fighting this. Is there anyone you can talk to regularly who knows what you are going through? You can get through this.

 

[lyesander]

Thank you for sharing your struggles. Kudos for seeing your signs and looking for help. You deserve support while you are fighting this. Is there anyone you can talk to regularly who knows what you are going through? You can get through this.

Unfortunately I've moved entirely out of state, and the friends I have maintained contact with aren't really aware of my mental health struggles. I don't want to tell my fiancee because she's had issues with disordered eating in the past as well, and I don't want to trigger or exacerbate them unintentionally. I do have a therapist though, so there's definitely that. Thanks so much for the response!