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How to help my (ex)boyfriend suffering from a major depressive episode?



New member
Aug 14, 2019
My (now ex) boyfriend and I have been together since January. End of February, he lost his job. He was having a hard time finding a new job, and one night coming back from a friend’s house end of March, he got a DUI (.085 but was unable to get it reduced). The DUI, losing his license for at minimum 6 months as a result, and being jobless meant he went back to live with his parents. Previously, he lived in the city close to me and all his friends. His parents are about 2 hours away from that in the country in a rural farming area. He was okay until about June, and since then he’s being getting drastically worse. He at one time would tell me daily I was the best thing to ever happen to him, that he loved me more than anything, and wanted to be with me forever and marry me one day. By middle of June, he was questioning if he even belonged in a relationship period. By July, his agitation and anger only grew, and we broke up as a result (he ended it, saying he wanted to be friends, and he hoped we could get back together when he moves back to the city even though he couldn’t say if we would or not). He wanted space. I gave him a week of space, then reached out, talked on the phone for 2 hours, and got back together. We stayed together for 2 more weeks, but it was clear his anger, depression, and frustration had reached an all time high. He felt like a stranger. We broke up Friday, he ended it, with him once again requesting space, this time for a month, saying he needs to work on himself, is suffering mentally and physically, and is in the worst spot he’s ever been in his life, and can’t bring me down that road with him reminding him that he’s an asshole (which I’ve never done, but he feels this way anyway because he knows he isn’t treating me right), and that I’m a source of anger in his life right now even though he doesn’t know why, and he needs to cut that out.

He went from having his own apartment, and a good job in a logistics firm as an account manager, to now living with his parents and working in a factory making refrigerators. He works overnights and spends all his waking hours outside of work in his parents basement playing video games on his PlayStation. He has distanced himself from all friends and family. It isn’t just me. He says he has no feelings and doesn’t think he feels love or knows what love is anymore. Everything makes him angry and he doesn’t know why. He hates himself. He hates who he has become. He’s like a completely different person. He’s religious, and said that even at church all he felt was anger. At this point, he sees no future with me or with anyone romantically. The only thing future related he wants to even see or consider is getting a good job in his field again. Unless it’s job related, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about anything. He says when asked that the only thing that might make him happy is golf, but even then only temporarily.

When he speaks, he’s emotionless now. It’s like there’s nothing there... It’s like he forgot he loves me. He can’t feel joy, only anger. I also want to add that he has suffered from depression before I met him, and he believes that medication didn’t fix him, only getting his old logistics job did. He refuses medicine or seeing a doctor, and ignores all articles and blogs I’ve sent him. He gets angry when I try to help or showed him love, even though he was so loving before... He says only a new job in the city and living alone again will make him happy.

I want my boyfriend back. I hate this person he is now as much as he does. He’s become a mean, cruel, rude person. This isn’t who he is, but I don’t know how to help my now ex boyfriend, who wants no contact for a month, and won’t help himself. I also want to add he’s 24 years old. He and his mother (who he is now living with) also do not have the best relationship, and she has been very judgmental and negative regarding me.