• Welcome! If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

How to help my brother

kimidare

kimidare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
214
Location
France
Hi,
I hope you are well.

I need help to help my brother.
I m so stressed and overthinking that I feel like I can t be like always and know what to do in these situations. Like I m forgetting all the basics.

Here is the situation :
My brother is 16 and I m 26 years old. I don t live near him but I invited him to stay one week with me and now he is here. I learned from my brother (after encouraging him to talk to me) that he had really dark thoughts and was sh since December.
Due to the school pressure from my parents, some sad love stories at school, possible traumatic episodes at hospital (7 surgeries for his eyes) the isolation (covid + the lack of seeing friends). My parents have always been useless to bring some comfort to their children. They ignore the problems until it disappears...

And I don t know what to do. He is here with me for the week. I m trying to distract him, watching series with him. Playing boardgames or video games.

I don t know if I must bring the subject of his dark thoughts, and how. And what to say etc.

I m a little panicking, I wonder the morning if he was sh in the night or just if he is alive.
I m so afraid to not be able to help him.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
5,504
Location
Canada
You are helping him just by spending some time with him, doing entertaining things. You don't need to mention his troubled thoughts, but if he wants to talk about them you can just listen mostly. That could help him but my guess is he might not want to discuss that stuff with you.
 
H

Helen1960

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2018
Messages
226
Location
Scotland
I suffer from mental health problems and think it is really hard for the 'carer' Not knowing what to do troubles you because you want to make it better. I would suggest to your brother that he goes to the doctor. Beyond that you are doing all you can. He
 
H

Helen1960

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2018
Messages
226
Location
Scotland
I suffer from mental health problems and think it is really hard for the 'carer' Not knowing what to do troubles you because you want to make it better. I would suggest to your brother that he goes to the doctor. Beyond that you are doing all you can and caring for him. Unfortunately you can't sort this.
 
M

Miho

Guest
I hope things are going well for your brother and you.

From what you said its obvious that you care about your brother. And he will feel that too. That is more then enough. Because if he feels comfortable around you and feels that you care for him he will open up if he wants to.
When I am at my mums we dont talk about my troubles all that much but I feel safe and warm there. That feels so good.
 
T

toucan

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
56
Location
Chicago, IL
My parents are just like that and when I was 16, it would have comforted me greatly to know that there was a family member who was willing to listen to me and help me out if things got really dire. It would have helped to know that someone I cared about was pained to learn of my dark thoughts and self harm because they were worried about my well-being (rather than because they were embarrassed of me, which is how some people made me feel).

I think you can help by just telling him that you are disturbed by his dark thoughts and behavior but are so very grateful that he told you because you want to be there for him in his moments of pain. Encourage him to reach out at school and see if there are any resources for students who are struggling with mental health. I don't know what it's like where you live but here in the US, we have school counselors who help teens with problems at home or school, and suicide prevention programs.
 
kimidare

kimidare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
214
Location
France
Thanks for your replies :)
They help to calm down.

An update :
My brother left today. I think he seemed happier than at the beginning of the week.

We didn t talk about the dark thoughts. But we talked about it before he cames by call. I already tried to convince him that seeing a therapist can be helpful but he doesn t want to, same for a doctor etc.

He didn t have new visible sh mark during his stay here. He hugged me (I was uncomfortable because I m not used too ^^").

We went to the mountain, we sledged, went in the spa at night under the stars with the mountains around.
Every day we played at boardgames and video games, he tried the VR set, we watched japanese animes and a netflix serie. I bought him a boardgame that he chose in a boardgames shop.

Now I m so tired because I was worried and it was very demanding. I hid my own struggles during his stay.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,444
Location
Nashua NH
Thanks for your replies :)
They help to calm down.

An update :
My brother left today. I think he seemed happier than at the beginning of the week.

We didn t talk about the dark thoughts. But we talked about it before he cames by call. I already tried to convince him that seeing a therapist can be helpful but he doesn t want to, same for a doctor etc.

He didn t have new visible sh mark during his stay here. He hugged me (I was uncomfortable because I m not used too ^^").

We went to the mountain, we sledged, went in the spa at night under the stars with the mountains around.
Every day we played at boardgames and video games, he tried the VR set, we watched japanese animes and a netflix serie. I bought him a boardgame that he chose in a boardgames shop.

Now I m so tired because I was worried and it was very demanding. I hid my own struggles during his stay.
Sounds like a very successful visit to me.
You were able to show your brother that you can be a trusting, safe and strong support to him.
Just having that as a presence in his life I am sure means a lot. xo, j
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,588
Location
England
Maybe invite him back to stay again sometime soon and if he does, use that opportunity to ask him more about what he's experiencing. The fact that you got him to talk and admit to SH is quite a big breakthrough, it shows he will talk to you. He probably doesn't have people he can talk to like that.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
C Please help - questions about my brother Mental Health Experiences 9
M Suffering from obsessive thoughts and I can’t get help Mental Health Experiences 4
Novastars Does anyone else find it hard to ask for help? Mental Health Experiences 14
J Need some help... problems at home Mental Health Experiences 4
A Need help? Mental Health Experiences 1
B help with problems ? ♡ Mental Health Experiences 4
T What I’m going through, my troubles and in urgent need of help. Mental Health Experiences 15
C Looking for any help Mental Health Experiences 2
M Get an help Mental Health Experiences 4
A help identifying feelings when angry Mental Health Experiences 1
E Peer to peer vs professional help Mental Health Experiences 9
Amelia2020 How do I help my Grandmother get mental help? Mental Health Experiences 7
lavenderfire When People Need Help But Parents Don't Step In Mental Health Experiences 5
L Any help? Mental Health Experiences 3
T Need Help & Answers Mental Health Experiences 3
P Ending up homeless in the UK - help Mental Health Experiences 9
A better help, bad experience Mental Health Experiences 10
T Cops may need real help like we do Mental Health Experiences 13
Amelia2020 Please help: i feel like my mind is out of control Mental Health Experiences 5
T I tried to get help and got rejected Mental Health Experiences 13
M help! my friend with BPD is mirroring me & I dont know what to do Mental Health Experiences 1
J ***Please read and help*** unusual issue Mental Health Experiences 3
D Disability Law Service: No Help For Autistic Person Mental Health Experiences 1
N I am really depressed & don't want to live. My parents have disabled certain websites from my laptop based on keywor. So, i can't easily access help. Mental Health Experiences 7
J Would I be get reported if I confide this horrible act of mine to my therapist? Please Help!!! Mental Health Experiences 5
F New here, can anyone help with a childhood experience? Thank you Mental Health Experiences 47
Ineedhelp2921 This might help Mental Health Experiences 1
R Help for an 'all or nothing' mentality Mental Health Experiences 1
M HELP! I can’t stop shaking and can’t sleep Mental Health Experiences 2
S Help me understand him Mental Health Experiences 1
Naturelove7 I'm in a dilemma. Help! Mental Health Experiences 6
G HELP. How can I overcome emotional numbness and anhedonia? Mental Health Experiences 3
sam999 help lines Mental Health Experiences 1
7 How can I help my friends with depression? Mental Health Experiences 5
L Im in need of some help. Mental Health Experiences 10
A Need help dealing with my mother Mental Health Experiences 3
Soladwor The more I live, the more I realize that not many strangers want to help me get out of this mental rut. Mental Health Experiences 1
T Unbelievably bad service /trigger warning/signs/not getting help Mental Health Experiences 58
D Help for ozzys Mental Health Experiences 1
C My first time here, talking about childhood experiences. Please help Mental Health Experiences 6
K Maybe I can help Mental Health Experiences 1
Memememememememe Help what's wrong with me?! Mental Health Experiences 9
T Triggered... feeling impulsive .. help Mental Health Experiences 8
S Plz help Mental Health Experiences 6
L Need help possable neurological disorder... Mental Health Experiences 1
A Where to find help Mental Health Experiences 5
R I feel horrible that I have to be the daughter and my brother is superior to me! Mental Health Experiences 16
A Coping with my brother's sexuality Mental Health Experiences 2

Similar threads

Top