How to help my brother

[kimidare]

Hi,
I hope you are well.

I need help to help my brother.
I m so stressed and overthinking that I feel like I can t be like always and know what to do in these situations. Like I m forgetting all the basics.

Here is the situation :
My brother is 16 and I m 26 years old. I don t live near him but I invited him to stay one week with me and now he is here. I learned from my brother (after encouraging him to talk to me) that he had really dark thoughts and was sh since December.
Due to the school pressure from my parents, some sad love stories at school, possible traumatic episodes at hospital (7 surgeries for his eyes) the isolation (covid + the lack of seeing friends). My parents have always been useless to bring some comfort to their children. They ignore the problems until it disappears...

And I don t know what to do. He is here with me for the week. I m trying to distract him, watching series with him. Playing boardgames or video games.

I don t know if I must bring the subject of his dark thoughts, and how. And what to say etc.

I m a little panicking, I wonder the morning if he was sh in the night or just if he is alive.
I m so afraid to not be able to help him.

 

[jajingna]

You are helping him just by spending some time with him, doing entertaining things. You don't need to mention his troubled thoughts, but if he wants to talk about them you can just listen mostly. That could help him but my guess is he might not want to discuss that stuff with you.

 

[Helen1960]

I suffer from mental health problems and think it is really hard for the 'carer' Not knowing what to do troubles you because you want to make it better. I would suggest to your brother that he goes to the doctor. Beyond that you are doing all you can. He

 

[Helen1960]

I suffer from mental health problems and think it is really hard for the 'carer' Not knowing what to do troubles you because you want to make it better. I would suggest to your brother that he goes to the doctor. Beyond that you are doing all you can and caring for him. Unfortunately you can't sort this.

 

[Miho]

I hope things are going well for your brother and you.

From what you said its obvious that you care about your brother. And he will feel that too. That is more then enough. Because if he feels comfortable around you and feels that you care for him he will open up if he wants to.
When I am at my mums we dont talk about my troubles all that much but I feel safe and warm there. That feels so good.

 

[toucan]

My parents are just like that and when I was 16, it would have comforted me greatly to know that there was a family member who was willing to listen to me and help me out if things got really dire. It would have helped to know that someone I cared about was pained to learn of my dark thoughts and self harm because they were worried about my well-being (rather than because they were embarrassed of me, which is how some people made me feel).

I think you can help by just telling him that you are disturbed by his dark thoughts and behavior but are so very grateful that he told you because you want to be there for him in his moments of pain. Encourage him to reach out at school and see if there are any resources for students who are struggling with mental health. I don't know what it's like where you live but here in the US, we have school counselors who help teens with problems at home or school, and suicide prevention programs.

 

[kimidare]

Thanks for your replies
They help to calm down.

An update :
My brother left today. I think he seemed happier than at the beginning of the week.

We didn t talk about the dark thoughts. But we talked about it before he cames by call. I already tried to convince him that seeing a therapist can be helpful but he doesn t want to, same for a doctor etc.

He didn t have new visible sh mark during his stay here. He hugged me (I was uncomfortable because I m not used too ^^").

We went to the mountain, we sledged, went in the spa at night under the stars with the mountains around.
Every day we played at boardgames and video games, he tried the VR set, we watched japanese animes and a netflix serie. I bought him a boardgame that he chose in a boardgames shop.

Now I m so tired because I was worried and it was very demanding. I hid my own struggles during his stay.

 

[JessisMe]

Thanks for your replies
They help to calm down.

An update :
My brother left today. I think he seemed happier than at the beginning of the week.

We didn t talk about the dark thoughts. But we talked about it before he cames by call. I already tried to convince him that seeing a therapist can be helpful but he doesn t want to, same for a doctor etc.

He didn t have new visible sh mark during his stay here. He hugged me (I was uncomfortable because I m not used too ^^").

We went to the mountain, we sledged, went in the spa at night under the stars with the mountains around.
Every day we played at boardgames and video games, he tried the VR set, we watched japanese animes and a netflix serie. I bought him a boardgame that he chose in a boardgames shop.

Now I m so tired because I was worried and it was very demanding. I hid my own struggles during his stay.

Sounds like a very successful visit to me.
You were able to show your brother that you can be a trusting, safe and strong support to him.
Just having that as a presence in his life I am sure means a lot. xo, j

 

[Wishbone]

Maybe invite him back to stay again sometime soon and if he does, use that opportunity to ask him more about what he's experiencing. The fact that you got him to talk and admit to SH is quite a big breakthrough, it shows he will talk to you. He probably doesn't have people he can talk to like that.