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How to help a friend with severe depression and insecurities

J

Javi

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
1
Location
San Diego, CA
Hello everyone,

I have a very close friend who has had to deal with depression for many years. She has attempted to take her life in the past and is currently displaying some behaviors similar to that time although I don't think it's likely she will. However, it does indicate she's in a bad way.

I'm not a clinician of any kind but what I do know through our conversations is that she largely struggles with insecurities that lead her to believe no one loves/likes her and that she's incompetent and useless. Recently she's been pushing me away and I've been struggling with trying respect her telling me to leave her be while also trying to not leave her alone as she has no other close friends. She's crying for help but pushing me away.

She's posting Sylvia Plath quotes on her Instagram, sending sad emails to lots of people, being reactive and angry at seemingly (to me) random or minuscule things with me and our friends.

She also had a severe trauma happen recently and I'm dealing with some financial issues so I'm moving a little bit further away with a new friend (that's also made her jealous I feel). Things are just compounding and we've had conversations about what she needs and wants and she admits she needs a professional but won't see one because she does not like to talk about her problems.

Anyways I think that her insecurities are at the root of a lot of the problems and I'm wondering if anyone has advice in helping others deal with insecurities. Maybe a helpful book or podcast to start? I'm hoping to give her something that might help her realize her situation more and/or possibly push her to talk to someone. I feel like I'm grasping at straws now but I'm losing ideas and energy and she's pushing me away so I've come here for help.

She generally displays the first 9 of the 11 signs on this list:

11 Signs That Insecurity Is Ruining Your Life + How To Change The Pattern
 
Luci

Luci

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
501
Location
England
People can only be helped if they want to help themselves. My brother is like this. I can do anything and everything for him and hes still not happy or motivated. He wants to be that way. Years and years of different tactics and still at square one with him. He had seen a psychologist once but didn't like what he said so that was the end of that. Wont take meds either. I now just check in regularly (once a week) see if he wants to go out anywhere or do anything and if he does need something he sometimes calls..... have you tired tough love with your friend? She needs to realise shes the only one who can make herself well again, and she has at least one good friend who is there for her no matter what! Sit with her and make a plan? What is it that makes her feel this way? What things can be changed easily? What things will she need more support with? Help her learn the skills she needs to motivate and plan for herself. Let her know you are there for her and stay in touch as you usually would. Does she have a day to day routine or a job?
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Certain close members of my family are pursuing a policy of "catch me doing something you like, tell me something you like about me" I just finished a semester with a terrific prof who gave no negative feedback. She found things to praise and encourage. I ate it up and worked harder to get those positive comments. I did a map all wrong. I did not understand the directions. She kindly asked me to redo it and better explained what she was looking for and apologized for not being clear! If she is insecure, she will love hearing affirming and genuine comments. Be generous with your goodwill, it will come back to you positively as well.
 
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