
Oden
Member
Hi everyone,
I would truly like to get a bit of tips or tricks on how to put yourself out there and not be a full blow shut in.
When I was really young I loved being outdoors and didn’t like spending time indoors. I had no problem training alone and not feel any deep fears toward people. I could talk with my neighbours and help people if they needed.
But when I was ten one of my uncles sexually touched me and forced me to be with him. It was just touching but it made me hate myself even more and feel more fear towards people. Specially when one of my dads brother could do something like that towards me. I don’t remember which of my uncles did it, so I have always kept my distance. I repressed the memory and have only a hazy memories of it.
It caused me to be more closed in, I hated when people touched me and my shyness got way worse than what it had been. I always felt a deep fear around people that aren’t my siblings and my parents. I also as a child acted as a babysitter for my dad when he got drunk. So I often had to go out late at night to nightclubs and bars when we was on vacation, or make sure dad got home after a party while my mom was taking care of my little brother. I acted as a shield to make sure my dad wouldn’t do any stupid when he was drunk and end up bedding with another woman or prostitute. So I often got miss judged as a child wife at bars when we was outside the country. So you can say I had to act a lot over my own age as a kid and take on quite a lot of responsibility.
No one in my family understand why I have such a deep fear towards people, while the rest of them are really extrovert and love meeting new people. My parents, specially my mom get mad over my introvert personality and can say a few hurtful words.
Because of my fear I act distance towards most people and never truly want to leave the house often. I can’t go out and take a run, I need to listen to music and read a book if I take a public transportation just to not notice everything around and let my fear consume me. I often just space out and look out the window. It truly drain ones energy and I often just want to spend my time to sleep and lazy around.
I’ve done quite a lot of progress on my own but it’s still not enough.
I want to be able to act normal, I even have trouble hugging my best friend because I feel a little uncomfortable when she get too close for my own comfort zone. But I’m slowly getting used to it.
So I would gladly have a bit of tips, I can’t drag my little brother with me every where and let him do things in my stead. He will turn 21 years old and will move out after he have decided which university to go, while I’ll move out when I’ve gotten my bachelor which will be next year. So I truly need to work with myself and my own fears.
I would truly like to get a bit of tips or tricks on how to put yourself out there and not be a full blow shut in.
When I was really young I loved being outdoors and didn’t like spending time indoors. I had no problem training alone and not feel any deep fears toward people. I could talk with my neighbours and help people if they needed.
But when I was ten one of my uncles sexually touched me and forced me to be with him. It was just touching but it made me hate myself even more and feel more fear towards people. Specially when one of my dads brother could do something like that towards me. I don’t remember which of my uncles did it, so I have always kept my distance. I repressed the memory and have only a hazy memories of it.
It caused me to be more closed in, I hated when people touched me and my shyness got way worse than what it had been. I always felt a deep fear around people that aren’t my siblings and my parents. I also as a child acted as a babysitter for my dad when he got drunk. So I often had to go out late at night to nightclubs and bars when we was on vacation, or make sure dad got home after a party while my mom was taking care of my little brother. I acted as a shield to make sure my dad wouldn’t do any stupid when he was drunk and end up bedding with another woman or prostitute. So I often got miss judged as a child wife at bars when we was outside the country. So you can say I had to act a lot over my own age as a kid and take on quite a lot of responsibility.
No one in my family understand why I have such a deep fear towards people, while the rest of them are really extrovert and love meeting new people. My parents, specially my mom get mad over my introvert personality and can say a few hurtful words.
Because of my fear I act distance towards most people and never truly want to leave the house often. I can’t go out and take a run, I need to listen to music and read a book if I take a public transportation just to not notice everything around and let my fear consume me. I often just space out and look out the window. It truly drain ones energy and I often just want to spend my time to sleep and lazy around.
I’ve done quite a lot of progress on my own but it’s still not enough.
I want to be able to act normal, I even have trouble hugging my best friend because I feel a little uncomfortable when she get too close for my own comfort zone. But I’m slowly getting used to it.
So I would gladly have a bit of tips, I can’t drag my little brother with me every where and let him do things in my stead. He will turn 21 years old and will move out after he have decided which university to go, while I’ll move out when I’ve gotten my bachelor which will be next year. So I truly need to work with myself and my own fears.