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How to get rid of negative personality traits

P

Perfect Whine

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2020
Messages
1
Location
San Luis Obispo, CA
I hope this isn't too long to read, but I really need help and don't know where to turn. I hope to find others who can relate to my back story who have things a bit more figured out than I do.

A lot of our personality traits are imprinted on us as children, and because of a lack of memory and understanding combined with a hyper-aware conscious, they deeply affect all of us as we get older. My dad got his business going before I was born and because things were stable, I was born. However, that business was taken from him by eminent domain in order to build a parking lot for Sears. He tried to fight the city for years and in the process became addicted to a form of speed, a benzo and painkillers. A triple addiction.

One thing I remember was sitting at home as a 4 year old watching TV with my stuffed animal. My dad quickly walked up from behind me and yelled "HEY!" with an angrier face than I'd ever seen on him and kicked my stuffed animal as hard as he could at the TV knocking over some of the ornaments near the television. I still remember crying and feeling terrified. My mom (who worked full time as a teacher) ran up me, yelled at my dad who's response was, "What!? It was just a joke." He looked at me and told my mom that I was too sensitive. I had felt guilty for being too sensitive.

More instances like that occurred that I've now blocked out, but for the next couple years my mom would take me away from the house every other day or so. My dad would still bring me to school in the morning since my mom had to work early. He would make me late every single day and I'd get weekly detentions for being late. When the school and myself tried telling my dad why I was late he would make me feel guilty for making his life harder. Once when we were already running late, he saw the neighbor and stopped the car to talk to him for a good 30 mins. I of course got detention for that (school rules: being late gets you a demerit, 3 demerits = detention). Of course being picked up, I'd be the only kid on campus after the 30 to sometimes 90 minutes it would take him to get there even though the house was only 10 mins away.

I was never exactly popular with other kids either and never really had any friends until high school. In middle school, however, I was so unpopular that if I sat at a lunch table I'd be the only one who ate there. Once I tried sitting with other people and everyone at the table unanimously got up and sat somewhere else. One of the teachers noticed and got all the kids in trouble and I could feel their eyes glaring at me the whole time. Needless to say the whole incident didn't make me any more popular.

The entire time I'd escape the world through art. I loved drawing and using water colors and developed a collection that I was really very proud of. I even started winning awards for my paintings which made me really happy and motivated me to keep doing more and get better. One day, as a sophomore in high school my mom asked me to clean the backyard after she had cleaned my room. I of course procrastinated. 2 days later, it stormed to the point where there were trash cans floating down the street. I remember seeing one guy kayaking down the main road. After the storm cleared I started cleaning the backyard. I still remember this clear as day as it is the reason I have never painted another picture since. My mom had cleaned my room and put my entire collection of paintings outside. To soak in the water, for the colors to bleed and for mold to develop on almost every sheet. My dad was able to salvage 3 of them (by this point he was no longer on drugs and had calmed down).

Now I'm 27 and just play music and write songs and I have a decent career. A lot has happened since but I guess I feel the need to rant somewhere. I've never told anyone all this other than one girlfriend which ended badly. I still have a feeling of general sadness on a daily basis and there are few times when I actually feel good. I have an impossible time developing relationships with people. I'm not autistic but I can hardly relate to people at all. It would be nice to find a good woman or even good friends but I don't feel like I bring anything positive to a relationship anymore. Honestly, I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. Hell, I don't even know if anyone will even read this. I guess I'm hoping to hear from someone who had it bad and made it out or even someone to relate to at all.

Anyway,
cheers.
 
N

Notalwaysever

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2010
Messages
136
Location
Florida, USA
More instances like that occurred that I've now blocked out, but for the next couple years my mom would take me away from the house every other day or so. My dad would still bring me to school in the morning since my mom had to work early. He would make me late every single day and I'd get weekly detentions for being late. When the school and myself tried telling my dad why I was late he would make me feel guilty for making his life harder. Once when we were already running late, he saw the neighbor and stopped the car to talk to him for a good 30 mins. I of course got detention for that (school rules: being late gets you a demerit, 3 demerits = detention). Of course being picked up, I'd be the only kid on campus after the 30 to sometimes 90 minutes it would take him to get there even though the house was only 10 mins away.
My parents were heavy drinkers so I can completely relate to this part of your story. I remember I was late to school so much they would have me go to the back of the line at the attendance check in so that the kids who were not late every day could get to class as sooner. Turned into me just not attending school most days since if I was late I got in trouble, if I didn't go I could make the work up another day. It was a big joke to most my teachers because went I did show up I would get A's so they figured everything was just fine.

If I could tell you how to fix the messy personality traits that bad experiences have caused I would, and I would fix mine. I do feel you though.
 
Z

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
323
Location
North Carolina
I hope this isn't too long to read, but I really need help and don't know where to turn. I hope to find others who can relate to my back story who have things a bit more figured out than I do.

A lot of our personality traits are imprinted on us as children, and because of a lack of memory and understanding combined with a hyper-aware conscious, they deeply affect all of us as we get older. My dad got his business going before I was born and because things were stable, I was born. However, that business was taken from him by eminent domain in order to build a parking lot for Sears. He tried to fight the city for years and in the process became addicted to a form of speed, a benzo and painkillers. A triple addiction.

One thing I remember was sitting at home as a 4 year old watching TV with my stuffed animal. My dad quickly walked up from behind me and yelled "HEY!" with an angrier face than I'd ever seen on him and kicked my stuffed animal as hard as he could at the TV knocking over some of the ornaments near the television. I still remember crying and feeling terrified. My mom (who worked full time as a teacher) ran up me, yelled at my dad who's response was, "What!? It was just a joke." He looked at me and told my mom that I was too sensitive. I had felt guilty for being too sensitive.

More instances like that occurred that I've now blocked out, but for the next couple years my mom would take me away from the house every other day or so. My dad would still bring me to school in the morning since my mom had to work early. He would make me late every single day and I'd get weekly detentions for being late. When the school and myself tried telling my dad why I was late he would make me feel guilty for making his life harder. Once when we were already running late, he saw the neighbor and stopped the car to talk to him for a good 30 mins. I of course got detention for that (school rules: being late gets you a demerit, 3 demerits = detention). Of course being picked up, I'd be the only kid on campus after the 30 to sometimes 90 minutes it would take him to get there even though the house was only 10 mins away.

I was never exactly popular with other kids either and never really had any friends until high school. In middle school, however, I was so unpopular that if I sat at a lunch table I'd be the only one who ate there. Once I tried sitting with other people and everyone at the table unanimously got up and sat somewhere else. One of the teachers noticed and got all the kids in trouble and I could feel their eyes glaring at me the whole time. Needless to say the whole incident didn't make me any more popular.

The entire time I'd escape the world through art. I loved drawing and using water colors and developed a collection that I was really very proud of. I even started winning awards for my paintings which made me really happy and motivated me to keep doing more and get better. One day, as a sophomore in high school my mom asked me to clean the backyard after she had cleaned my room. I of course procrastinated. 2 days later, it stormed to the point where there were trash cans floating down the street. I remember seeing one guy kayaking down the main road. After the storm cleared I started cleaning the backyard. I still remember this clear as day as it is the reason I have never painted another picture since. My mom had cleaned my room and put my entire collection of paintings outside. To soak in the water, for the colors to bleed and for mold to develop on almost every sheet. My dad was able to salvage 3 of them (by this point he was no longer on drugs and had calmed down).

Now I'm 27 and just play music and write songs and I have a decent career. A lot has happened since but I guess I feel the need to rant somewhere. I've never told anyone all this other than one girlfriend which ended badly. I still have a feeling of general sadness on a daily basis and there are few times when I actually feel good. I have an impossible time developing relationships with people. I'm not autistic but I can hardly relate to people at all. It would be nice to find a good woman or even good friends but I don't feel like I bring anything positive to a relationship anymore. Honestly, I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. Hell, I don't even know if anyone will even read this. I guess I'm hoping to hear from someone who had it bad and made it out or even someone to relate to at all.

Anyway,
cheers.

I dont see any of this as a negative personality traits. You just have a hard time relating to people because of your childhood. I think its great you're so artistic and expressive in that way. Id kill to be able to play music. You just have to find people with similar traits to be around and believe me they're out there. Might not be a terrible idea to maybe see a therapist and talk out some of these issues with a professional.
 
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