How to get over someone? Help?

[photogirl]

I know I'll probably get slammed for this post but hopefully someone out there can see past the situation and give some advise. I'm married and was having an online affair with another man. It didn't start out as an affair but it began with one email si months ago and just sort of escalated. We exchanged pictures and had talked about meeting in person but called things off before they reached that level. That was a week ago and I still can't stop thinking about him. I can't sleep because he's on my mind, I'm not doing well at work. I constantly check my email in case he sends a message. I feel depressed but I wasn't even in love with him. I knew what it was when we first started it and knew it would end but didn't know it would affect me like this. I miss the excitement, I miss feeling wanted. I love my husband and glad things stopped where they did so he wouldn't find out and get hurt but now I don't know what to do about me. I'm not pretty or even really nice looking and my husband was the only man who'd ever seen me as real women before now. I was flattered. I miss feeling...special. Anyone else ever been in this situation? What do you? I've had issues with depression before this too so I recognize the signs. I know what I did was stupid, I know I'm lucky to be with my husband, but I can't help seem to shake these feelings. Any thoughts/advice? Thanks.

 

[Goggit]

Get over who?

Hello, sorry you are feeling down. Your message was interesting. We can get very depressed over things that are not real. My advice to you, for what its worth is this. You had a fantasy, everyone has these. Recognise it for what it is and enjoy it. I would say dont contact him again but allow yourself some daydreams. They cost nothing and hurt no one. It will fade. Stop beating yourself up. You are not very nice about yourself, recognise that you are important, lovely and special and let your imagination run riot.
Have fun, Goggit

 

[Dollit]

Goggit is right - this was a fantasy relationship and therefore perfect. Instead of thinking about this idealised person think about why you did it. Has the excitement gone out of your marriage a little? If so put it back in, have fun with your husband - go away for the weekend or tell everyone you're going away for the weekend and stay at home and pamper each other in every department. You've done something daft, some of us (and I mean me) took things a lot further and deliberately created hassle. Then I grew up a little and realised that if you have a relationship you are either committed to it or you are not but there's no in betweens. Don't be too hard on yourself and delete his name from your email address book - he has to be spam from now on.

 

[yakuza]

I know I'll probably get slammed for this post but hopefully someone out there can see past the situation and give some advise. I'm married and was having an online affair with another man. It didn't start out as an affair but it began with one email si months ago and just sort of escalated. We exchanged pictures and had talked about meeting in person but called things off before they reached that level. That was a week ago and I still can't stop thinking about him. I can't sleep because he's on my mind, I'm not doing well at work. I constantly check my email in case he sends a message. I feel depressed but I wasn't even in love with him. I knew what it was when we first started it and knew it would end but didn't know it would affect me like this. I miss the excitement, I miss feeling wanted. I love my husband and glad things stopped where they did so he wouldn't find out and get hurt but now I don't know what to do about me. I'm not pretty or even really nice looking and my husband was the only man who'd ever seen me as real women before now. I was flattered. I miss feeling...special. Anyone else ever been in this situation? What do you? I've had issues with depression before this too so I recognize the signs. I know what I did was stupid, I know I'm lucky to be with my husband, but I can't help seem to shake these feelings. Any thoughts/advice? Thanks.

Hi Photogirl,
I went through a similar thing a few years ago and like you,I thought it was exciting and different.
The problem for me was when we planned to meet,it meant accepting the 'reality' which was an entirely different situation.
I would say that it takes time to get over any relationship,whether it was online or in the real world.
I found that keeping myself busy helped me in my situation.

Hope that helps a little

 

[Giizmo]

Hey i can associate to this thread... I met this girl who i wasnt even attracted to to begin with... but she persued me and generally tried really hard, i felt special i guess. Now shes gone, i feel like she outgrew me.. so i feel left behind, like redundant. I invested alot of time into her and she became like the face of my ideal woman.. even tho' she wasnt, so i made her into something she could never be. And even tho' i know this, the feelings are still quite strong. The key is to get over the former and re invest into new people and friends.

 

[j_lol]

Dollit speaks very wise words on this I feel. It's the old 'grass is greener' situation but once you get to the other side of the fence you are likely to find the grass there is no more luscious than it is on your own side. It's great that you realised that in time.

 

[number 60]

I know how strong fantasy relationships can be, and they are not easy to give up. This is quite different and does not address photo girls problem but has prompted me to say that about 7 years ago I remembered very strongly a friend from the past, and found out her address, and tried writing. I got no reply, and should have left it there. But over the years I have written many many more times, and the odd couple got sent. The others got thrown in the bin. Never a reply. I can see that intruding where you are not wanted like this is not good but sometimes just your own will power is not enough to stop such things. Fantasies can take over if dwelled on.

 

[Fedup]

I know how strong fantasy relationships can be, and they are not easy to give up. This is quite different and does not address photo girls problem but has prompted me to say that about 7 years ago I remembered very strongly a friend from the past, and found out her address, and tried writing. I got no reply, and should have left it there. But over the years I have written many many more times, and the odd couple got sent. The others got thrown in the bin. Never a reply. I can see that intruding where you are not wanted like this is not good but sometimes just your own will power is not enough to stop such things. Fantasies can take over if dwelled on.

Hello and to MHF number 60
So have you now got over yours?

 

[ellamental]

a broken heart

A broken heart...if you met on the net, work or wherever...it's still feels very real...theres a reason for evrything isnt there? Won't the RIGHT person be just around the corner?...the hurt is real and although at the time you will think bollocks when folk will say time is a great healer...there is a grain of truth in this...

 

[number 60]

Hello and to MHF number 60
So have you now got over yours?

Not yet. I still hope.

 

[Starbright]

I got obsessed by someone when I was ill, thinking that they were going to kill themselves and that I had to stop them. I don't think I love them in a boyfriend type of way, there's no sexual attraction, but I love them deeply deeply in some other way I can't fathom. I still do. I haven't got over them. I just never contact them any more. They seem perfect to me. Losing them was a strange kind of broken heart.

 

[number 60]

I idealise this person too. I'll find myself talking out loud to her and then hope nobody hears. I'll pray to her instead of God sometimes. I see her in other people fleetingly, maybe in a car on the motorway, then realise it can't be.

 

[worryworth]

Everyone has a fantasy but the very good thing about your situation is that you know that you are with a husband who is good to you, treat you well and accept you just the way you are. I don't know how your husband would react if you share with him about your fantasy... if you think he is not going to get upset I'd share it with him. Talking it out to someone you trust makes a big difference. If you think your husband would get upset then don't say anything about it. You do not have to share a fantasy and only time will heal you.
Good Luck.

 

[dollylama]

I feel you just miss the feeling of a new romantic interest, and instead of denying it or trying to figure out what's wrong with you, you should accept and embrace it. As long as you're not doing anything that will jeopardize your marriage. Although maybe you should go for a second honeymoon or something like that?

 

[Irving Place]

forgive yourself, be kind

Dear photogirl,
thoughts are thoughts and can be powerful. Actions can damage but you didn't carry those actions out. I commend you for your honesty and in your self-knowledge and instinct, which prevented you from taking things further into damage.

I encourage you to put this into the box in your head labled 'Almost Did ... But Learned From Just-In-Time.' You can be proud it's in that box, Photogirl.

Be kind to yourself. I'm no fashion plate either, some would say fat and ugly ... my husband's love of me is what makes me shine. So let your husband's love be your shine. Through that, you can learn to do what he does - love You.

When you love You, you are kind to You.
It's time to leave it all in that box... that proud box... and time for kindness now.

I wish you all bright things,and I don't wish you this because I am kind - I wish them for you because you deserve all good things. You are a very decent human being; and it shows.
Love,
IP XXX