How to explain?

GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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I have an emergency appointment with care co ordinator tomorrow after my mum rang them worried. For the last two weeks I’ve barely left the house I feel out of reality stuck between here and now and in the hallucinations I’m not recognising things happening around me and I’m losing my time and dates. I’ve had 24/7 auditory hallucinations and 4/5 hours per day visual and tactile hallucinations. I go from laying around and exhausted to pacing the rooms with music on headphones. I’m up and down yet can’t sleep. I can’t eat I have a heavy feeling in my chest that makes me sick. I’m low that my mum has locked all sharps meds’ ect up In worry. Yet CMHT say I didnt need an emergency appointment I’m not a danger to myself or others. They only gave me the appointment tomorrow when my mother called Friday because she threatened to take me to a&e to get me assessed and would makeSure they knew she made the phone call. CMHT in my area recently have a failure of care rate that they blame on funding cuts so they try and avoid a&e visits with all there registered patients.

I’m scared my care co ordinator will just brush me off im Not in full crisis but I need this fixed before I completely loose touch with reality and possibly do something stupid or loose control. I’ve been turned away before and gone into crisis days after because I lost hope of help. I’m trying hard to hang on to reality and remind myself it’s an illness but sometimes the hallucinations make so much more sense then anyone else.

During “stable” condition I usually hve quiet auditory hallucinations 24/7 but that’s changed to constant loud screaming controlling non stop. They r usually like background noise instead.
I usually only have visual hallucinations 2-4 times a week but now it’s several hours a day. My mood jumps from low to manic but instead of long periods of each mood and a rest in between they are a few hours long and no rest in between. Paranoia is strong and had anxiety attacks, back to having nose bleeds because anxiety attacks cause pressure (gp confirmed) and black outs. Withdrawal from family. Hate people. Nothing has changed no triggers I don’t know what’s happened it’s dwvwloped over the last few months but the last two weeks is worse.

I currently take risperidone 6 my at night, lamotrigine 150 mg in morning and 175 mg at night. Venlafaxine 300mg in morning.

Sorry if I sound detached about my symptoms but find it easier to explain if I don’t get personal or sensitive about it.
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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Croydon
I have diagnosis mixed type schizoaffective disorder EUPD and Generalised anxiety disorder.
 
L

linus

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When did this started for you? And for how long are you on antipsychotics? Beside meds are you doing any kind of therapy? What kind of activities are you engaged on?
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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Croydon
I was 18 when I was diagnosed I’ve been on risperidone since I was 20 I’m now 22. I started on a small dosage and they’ve upped it over the years I’ve been on my current dosage 6mg for over a year. I’ve been on venlafaxine and lamotrigine since I was 19 but it’s been upped as time goes on. I did start therapy for anxiety last year but it got stopped after I had a relapse and they said the stress that it was causing in day to day life wasn’t worth the benefit if it was successful. I done some therapy for EUPD at Bethlehem but they were group therapy sessions and I ended up being discharged because I’m unsociable and don’t engage or something. I don’t do many activities I don’t leave the house alone and haven’t since I was teenager. My mum is my career.
 
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linus

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And what happened to you (mental health related) before getting diagnosed? Do you sleep enough?
It seems somehow you have a lot of anxiety that could trigger everything else. Can you cope with the hallucinations?
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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My family have a range of mental illness. I was first seen when I was 12 by camhs and diagnosed with depression anxiety and eating disorder I had camhs until I was 15 but in those years they didn’t do much I was told it’s because the brain was always growing, it’s was just more and more anti depressants. Psychosis had started when I was 13 but camhs related it to my depression. I had a psychotic break down I dunno if that’s the right word when I was 17 and spent a month in the hospital I was diagnosed with psychosis nos and it was anxiety related but they wanted me out because they said they didn’t want me to get institutionalised and not be able to integrate back into my family with my mum and little brother. The doctor I saw after hospital was good and he gave me the schizoaffective diagnosis and I’ve seen 5 doctors since 4 agreed with him and 1 gave me the EUPD diagnosis. I’ve coped with the hallucinations to an extent but I don’t want to let it reach crisis point to the way I need to go back to hospital it hard to be able to get back into the routine of being home after being in hospital. Anxiety is a big thing for me I’ve always been very paranoid since I was a child. My father has schizophrenia so I was a very anxious child.
 
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linus

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Ok, trying to understand a bit more: what do you mean by paranoia? how does it manifest for you? It seems you have some insight about your condition and usually high doses of meds are seen like a way to restrain your brain from getting yourself in paroxysm. The thing about coping is that if you find a way (not an unhealthy one) to cope you don't have to worry about an escalation, it's you in the end, nobody else.
You should get out more, not necessarily around other people if this makes you very nervous now, but get outside in the nature, just try to enjoy the surroundings, eat healthy and regularly even if doesn't feel like. If you feel like you need external help, focus on the sleep part, once you get a regular good night sleep, everything else should feel much better.
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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The paranoia is very like goes hand in hand with the psychosis it usually comes from something that started as psychosis. My care co ordinator also says I have a lot of insight to my condition and symptoms ect she says she thinks it’s a lot of what I had to do with my dad when I was young as he suffered from mental illness that I have like another outlook at what I’m going through if that makes sense
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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I’ve been to my appointment after 2.5 hours they’ve decided to wean me off risperidone and put me on quietipine they said I’ll feel bad for a few weeks but said it should help in the long run and I’ve just gotta see it through. My care co ordinator gave me a 24/7 number to call if things go bad but that hopefully it should all settle after a few weeks. Just hope I can see this through.
 
GreenShadow1996

GreenShadow1996

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We’ve also started a plan to go for a walk at least once a day starting at 15 minutes and working to longer times outside. Starting with my mum being with me but when I become well to try and start small walks on my own
 
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linus

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You will become well, it’a up to you to try more and more to trust yourself. With a bit more calm, good night sleep you’ll open up easier. Be outdoor as much as possible, beside walks try some activities.. you need to think about this in a holistic way.
 
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