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How to deal with "spaces"

LaraSam

LaraSam

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Wales
Ever since I can remember, I have hated being alone. Recently, this has become more of an issue, I have run up enormous phone bills because of this and even though I have friends and family, I still feel incredibly lonely. When I'm on my own and not talking to anyone, have to have music playing, I cannot stand to be by myself. I think too much.

I have diagnosed BPD by 4 psychs and I think it is part of this. It is making me incredibly unhappy :( Any suggestions as to what I can do to deal with ,my "spaces" ??
 
LaraSam

LaraSam

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Wales
Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you :)
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Personally I have always enjoyed my own company; & spent a lot of time alone. This has 2 sides. On one hand I need my space; & it is more of a solitude; on the other; I can isolate myself & that isn't healthy either. I need to be around people as well.

I do find that going on-line can fill a lot of time. I also find things of interest to do - a lot tinkering with computers, or DIY stuff. A hobby or interest can be very rewarding. I like photography & reading too.

Meditation is something that has helped with improving well being.

Some people find it very hard to be alone, we are all different. Some are far more peoples people. Have you tried joining any groups? There are so many & varied ones out there.

Chatting over phones can get expensive - but there are ways around it. Using computers & the voice/video functions in IM clients - makes calls free. Skype is the popular one; but there is also a voice call function in MSN, among others. Plenty of 'land line' packages run free evening & weekend calls to other land lines. I have an old vodafone package with 'stop the clock' so at certain times during evening & weekends - any call under an hour, but over 3 minutes; only gets charged for the 3 minutes. It is worth looking at mobile contracts - they have come down a lot in price. A friend has just got 1,500 minutes & 500 texts PM for £20.
 
Merlin

Merlin

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Hi

What about a pet of some sort?
 
A

abertha

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
69
I think a pet is a great idea. My last therapist told me I should get a dog - I love dogs. Unfortunately I live in the tiniest place ever, so that will have to wait..

but you should go for it, if you like any animals that can be pets :)
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
What about a pet of some sort?
This was suggested to me a while back but I was very poorly at the time and didn't think it would be wise. I'm recovering well enough so we recently got a rat. Wow......it is interesting that when I am engaging with her I am not so much 'in my head' (which is normally a significant problem for me).

I think it is potentially a great option. One night she kept my attention (in bursts) for 3 hours. Early days yet but it looks like a good decision was made when we adopted her. And I think she doesn't think we're too shabby either!

As Apo mentioned meditation can increase well-being....but it can be hard to get started if anxiety levels are quite high to begin with. Same with reading.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend a dog because animals pick up on our anxiety levels and an anxious dog will misbehave and probably end up creating more anxiety and it can spiral out of control from there. That's just my personal opinion based on what happened to me.
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
I was given a dog not long after a breakdown in the hope that it would give me something to focus on. I was so poorly at the time I can't remember much about the first few years of being with him. Gradually I found that when feeling a bit better, I took him for regular walks (which got me out of the house) and occaisionally I met other dog owners to chat to.
He died 3 weeks ago after giving me 15 years of loyal friendship and I miss him like hell. Yes there were times when I was on a short fuse with him, but he never held any grudges. The main thing is I would not be alive today if it wasn't for him.
I too, have BPD etc. etc, and all I can say is that Scamp gave me some reality to hold on to.
A pet has helped me a lot. I am getting a pup in 6 weeks time. I know I can't keep going by myself.

QF.
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I was given a dog not long after a breakdown in the hope that it would give me something to focus on. I was so poorly at the time I can't remember much about the first few years of being with him. Gradually I found that when feeling a bit better, I took him for regular walks (which got me out of the house) and occaisionally I met other dog owners to chat to.
He died 3 weeks ago after giving me 15 years of loyal friendship and I miss him like hell. Yes there were times when I was on a short fuse with him, but he never held any grudges. The main thing is I would not be alive today if it wasn't for him.
I too, have BPD etc. etc, and all I can say is that Scamp gave me some reality to hold on to.
A pet has helped me a lot. I am getting a pup in 6 weeks time. I know I can't keep going by myself.

QF.
Aww....that's lovely QF. I'm so glad you had eachother - sounds like it worked well for you two. I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

Wishing you much loveliness with the new pup. :hug:

P.s What kind are you getting?
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi grizzley,

Upset myself reading that back

I am having a Border Terrier, I haven't picked him out yet, but I went to see the mum with the litter last week. Six little bundles lying in a heap,their eyes not yet open. There are 3 boys and 3 girls...I am having a boy and I am calling him Harri (Welsh spelling).
It won't replace Scamp. no dog could, but it will be company for me and maybe keep me alive a bit longer.
How I am going to last until June I don't know. The house is lifeless, Scamp followed me literally EVERYWHERE!!!

QF.
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
To date I've lost both my parents, my children, my marriage, my home, and many friends. Yet, I prefer to be alone most of the time. This doesn't fit the diagnosis criteria for my Borderline dx.
I'm not afraid of abandonment...I expect it.
 
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