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How to deal with someone who can't let go of anger

B

BarbD

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Mar 14, 2015
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I am seeing someone who will bring up issues from 5 years ago that I thought were resolved. It's like its fresh in his mind again. He's called friends and screamed at them for disrespecting him over something that is petty. Then a day goes by and he acts like nothing has happened. But he has left a lot of hurt feels along the way. He doesn't acknowledge the damage he does. He only thinks about his feelings and no one else's
How can I calmly get him to see what he is doing before he has no one left to care about him?
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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I am not sure about mental health issues? Sometimes people can just be arseholes! Sorry if that's not what you were wanting.
 

MarlieeB

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:welcome: to the forum.

Have you thought of sitting down with him and bringing it all out in the open and encouraging him to speak about his feelings and what has brought all this up?

He may not actually know that the way he is acting is alienating others and then again he might be calling out for someone to have a proper adult conversation about it maybe?

Marliee x
 
B

BarbD

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I've tried to explain to him to try and make peace with his issues. If he forgives them at one time then not bring them up again. He can be a wonderful person, but when he starts "stewing" on something he can't let it go. It can over something very silly. Once he gave a birthday gift to a friend. Then when his birthday came around his friend sent him a gift that he felt was cheap and insulting. My response was, it's the thought that counts and they really didn't have to send him anything. The value is in the fact that they thought of you. But he makes a big deal over stupid stuff like that. We are adults and I told him birthday gifts and parties are for kids. I see him as emotionally immature. He makes himself miserable and everyone else. He refuses to see the fact that he is not with out fault himself. If I could just get him to see his own faults, and accept the fact that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes and move on.
Are there people out there that choose to be miserable and create constant drama ? Does he actually want to be angry and miserable? Since I am part of his life I might be to close to see the actual solution. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 
B

BarbD

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I understand, you are right. I have always thought that life should be an adventure. Sure there are bumps in the road. Somethings need to be dealt with then you move on. But to keep going back over and over and rehashing an issue that is long dead, let it go. I don't have any desire to hang onto negitive feelings, but it appears he dosn't have the ability to cut the cord. I just don't know what to say anymore.
 

MarlieeB

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:welcome: to the forum.

Have you thought of sitting down with him and bringing it all out in the open and encouraging him to speak about his feelings and what has brought all this up?

He may not actually know that the way he is acting is alienating others and then again he might be calling out for someone to have a proper adult conversation about it maybe?

Marliee x
I'm actually going to quote myself here, especially with the first paragraph.

Some people in my opinion act out to stop themselves from hurting and this could be his way. Of course I could be totally wrong.

In answer to your questions...

Are there people out there that choose to be miserable and create constant drama ? Does he actually want to be angry and miserable?
I would say no, he is just expressing his emotions but that is just my thoughts. Can I ask, does he have any siblings?

x
 
B

BarbD

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No, he is an only child. I am an only child too, but where he can be very selfish, I will be overly generous. He had a rough childhood, only because of his bad choices and behavior, spent time in Youth Authority. The man is almost 50 now. I understand that coud have negitive effects on a persons life. I would like to help him be able to have a happy life, to let go of things that don't matter. It's not constant either, it seems to run in almost a cycle. Like a mood cycle.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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50!? Then yes, he's an arsehole, sorry. At the age of 42 and having spent a lifetime studiously collecting a fascinating range and variety of mediumly severe mental disorders I clearly see this behaviour as unacceptable.

As I have Bipolar on my Mental Health Bingo Card it doesn't feel like a mood disorder. It sounds much more like a personality disorder, maybe even something like Histrionic Personality Disorder? The people on that forum might give better insight, my personality disorder is of the borderline type.

Or he is just an arsehole.
 
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