How to deal with rage? any suggestions?

[megirl]

I am so angry today the angriest I have ever been (I think) its horrible I feel like a really horribleand nasty person, a total bitch. Is this really bipolar or maybe its just 'me' I do wonder? Normally I always try and be bubbly and say positive stuff (Even though I feel like shit) But the last few shifts I just did my job I definitely had no joy in me to give to anyone. (I work as a nurse) I felt like screaming at people I wanted to scream things like: "fuck off" or "shut up and stop talking to me" or "just piss off" etc its actually almost funny imagine if I had said any of that to my collegues and/or my patients I would probably get locked up LOL. I feel like I am going crazy today.
I have just been really down to now feeling like this (even though I still prefer this cos at least I feel alive)
I feel like picking up something and bashing the shit out of everything and anything. But here I am controlling myself but feel it eating away at myself I feel so wound up how the hell do others deal with this. I dont really know what to do at the moment. Bipolar is a fucking nightmare

 

[coraline1664]

I have a good dance about to something loud usually. Sometimes I have a bit of a vent on my own to let off steam... bit bizarre I guess but no one gets hurt in the process. The only thing is that sometimes the more I think about the situation the more I wind myself up.. but other times it is useful. If I understand right with you it's not really about a situation just a general feeling.. so maybe just a bit of a dance or some other exercise will help!

 

[maudikie]

maudikie

Do they know at work that you have problems? If so I should ask if you can have a day or couple of days off and go walking or doing some swimming or sport. I expect it's because you are particularly tired mentally at present. Probably had some difficult patients to cope with. Deep breathing also helps for a short time.
Hope you soon get it out of yourself, and return to normal.

 

[amathus]

http://www.lifeloveandbipolar.com/bipolar_rage.html

Found this article quite interesting...I can identify with some of it too. I have a bipolar / borderline dx and used to experience these rages frequently, they have died down a bit as I have got older, or is it because I can manage them better?


meteos.

 

[distraction]

I find sharing emotions on forums quite helpful as you realise you aren't alone and we all go through these periods.
I also work in a similar field to yourself and hearing patients tell me there problems when I am emotional wreck inside is very frustrating
while working it's our job to deal with there problems despite our own.
Easier said than done I know but these periods do pass
also if you get the right patient who you make a difference to you will remember why you joined nursing And you will find new enthusiasm I hope this patient comes soon
take care best wishes

 

[schiz01]

Anger is a natural emotion
If you feel like beating the shit out of something then do it.....not at work for obvious reasons ....maybe you could join a kick boxing class or something and kick crap out of your instructor.
Key point is not to repress it and let it eat at you.
Let it out in a controlled manner and in time you will learn to understand it better
Therapist can help with this and I'm sure they would agree that it is a natural emotion and there is no harm in kicking or bashing something as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else.

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[megirl]

Thanks everyone I am still as angry as hell I want to get in my car and drive into something anything but I wont. This rage still beats the last few weeks of mind-numbing depression.
So I think if I have to choose I would rather have this rage better feeling alive and angry than dead and empty.
I have got a punching bag but its just not doing it for me at the mo.

 

[Blackholesun]

A punching bag will not help. Aggression breeds aggression because as soon as you become aggressive your body will release adrenaline - the worst drug in the world for manic episodes.

I too suffer with anger problems. Infact, my shouting was what ended my marriage (but to be honest that was a blessing in disguise as my ex wife was passive aggressive and knew just how to wind me up).

If you can not calm yourself down by relaxing (read up on relaxation techniques) then there are meds out there for bipolar sufferers that WILL calm you down. Risperidone/dal is one of those as it will just put you to sleep.

What medication do you currently take? please don't say none.

If you are on meds then ask for others, it's worked well for me. If you are not on meds then ask for them. If the latter applies to you (IE - not on meds) and you don't ask for them or take them as and when prescribed then I'm afraid that you might be right in your self analysis (IE - yes it is your fault).

Sorry if that sounds patronising. It certainly isn't meant to be but I don't know you and you have not mentioned if you are on meds or what ones you are on. As for the anger? and the emotions? you won't be able to control it if you have bipolar. That's why people like us are deemed mentally ill, or 'not well'. It's because we are just that. However, with the right meds and a bit of grit and determination (trust me, you won't do it without meds) then it is perfectly possible to live a somewhat normal life.

 

[megirl]

I am going through hell at the moment the rage and depression combined is just about killing me. I normally suffer from depression or hypomania never before have I had them combined its a pretty ugly combination! I am on quetiapine at night and risperidone 1mg twice daily the risperidone I think may not be helping at the moment I am a bit messed up at the moment.
My support worker is on my current hated and incompetent list, I feel as if noone is listening to me at the moment to the point I am actually yelling at my hubby to fucking help me but its not actually his fault it is the so called experts that arent helping me. I am going to end up in the bloody psych ward soon if things dont get much better.

 

[Blackholesun]

I had a bad support worker. I was diagnosed Bipolar with rapid cycling by what I consider an expert - an American psychiatrist. This was after many months of visting him.

It wasn't easy accepting this. I mean, how do you tell yourself that you are mental? Any way, accepting is the first stage in getting help.

When I returned to the U.K I applied for a job through my local job center and it asked the age old question Do you suffer from any mental illnesses both at present or in the past? to which I said yes, I have bipolar. I had lied for 27 years and even to myself that I was fine. It was when I looked around me and realised I had no friends left and a breaking relationship with my family that I knew it was time to be honest. Both with them, myself, and any one around me.

So, my job center also asked me about other illnesses, long story short (after telling them about my autistic traits) they put me on disability.

My first care worker chose to ignore every single word I had told her about my diagnosis and current medication and instead sent me off to see a ADHD specialist. This almost cost me my life.

However (and the reason I am telling you this) after my suicidal weekend (as I laughingly call it now, but then it was utter hell) I decided to put my foot down and complain. I contacted MIND (a UK based organisation) and also contacted my local mental health team and filed a complaint. You see, I had already explained three times before they prescribed me ritalin what it did to me. They ignored me.

This caused a massive shake up and I now have the most amazing care worker ever. AT LAST I am finally being given mood stablisers instead of having to eat so many pills in the morning that I can skip breakfast, and aside from the odd bout of stress (which I have now stopped by smoking again) I feel better than ever.

Don't lose hope and as annoying as this sounds (yes it's said to me all the time) push yourself to have a happy frame of mind. Look at the small things (chirping birds, fresh air, cloudless skies) and take the good from everything you see. As dumb as that sounds it can work wonders.

It's obviously not going to make your brain start secreting the feel good chemicals and hormones that will stop you feeling shit, but it's the first step in helping yourself.

One thing I do know is that the wrong meds won't help you, they'll fuck you up. Don't be afraid to ask for change. Another med that fucked me up was prozac. It felt like my head was in a vice and all I did was cry whilst on them.

Good luck, and if you need anything else or just want to piss and whine (I say that caringly, not being an ass) then go ahead

 

[ellabee]

I am going through hell at the moment the rage and depression combined is just about killing me. I normally suffer from depression or hypomania never before have I had them combined its a pretty ugly combination! I am on quetiapine at night and risperidone 1mg twice daily the risperidone I think may not be helping at the moment I am a bit messed up at the moment.
My support worker is on my current hated and incompetent list, I feel as if noone is listening to me at the moment to the point I am actually yelling at my hubby to fucking help me but its not actually his fault it is the so called experts that arent helping me. I am going to end up in the bloody psych ward soon if things dont get much better.

\i understand how you feel im on quietipine 150mg at night and venlaflexine 225mg i have complete rage and aggitation issues ive told my partner to go out cos i need time he is angry with me but i dont want my kids seeing how low i am at the moment or the fact that i just loose it suddenly. even my poor dog has been hollered at and i love that animal shes like therapy sometimes.
mymrage is so bad at the moment ive s/h again and im in a shit way. i to think before long i'll be back on the ward

 

[megirl]

Blackholesun, thanks for that. I am sorry to be a bitch but I have spent months and months pretending to be cheerful and bright as if life is great. However now the last few weeks I have run out of steam. I cant do it anymore its damn well killing me. Being bright and cheerful is not helping therefore I am not doing it anymore. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain anymore its just not worth it.
I am losing it fast. I almost burst into tears at the god-damned supermarket this avo its like what the fuck?
And I've got work tomorrow great!

Ellabee, sorry to hear you are going through shit as well sometimes enough is enough. If being admitted helps then go for it.
I think for me its too late I feel as if my support people ares aying theres nothing more we can do. Maybe they are maybe they arent who knows?

Apparantly my psych now wants to see hubby asap they arent too concerned whether I go or not. I certainly arent going if theres nothing in it for me why should I make the effort.

When I was an inpatient they had a couple of these so called meetings with my husband AND I wasnt invited. Maybe I missed the point but I didnt realise HE was the one with the mental illness!!!

 

[Ruby Tuesday]

Yeah i can definately identify with bipolar rage. I take Lithium now which does help but even yesterday I was in one HELL of a mood. I was in work too which doesent help. I can become very agressive, and very argumentative VERY quickly. They don't know I'm bipolar in work either which dosent help but I personally don't wish to tell them at the moment. Anyway, all day I just kept thinking to myself, woe betide anyone who says the wrong thing to me because I would have just lashed out!! Not good I know but I'm not particularly rational in those moods. I just wanted to get away, far away from home, my kids, my husband, work, everything. I begin to look at flights etc and start planning to go away. Anyway, when I can't take the agitation any more, the only thing I can do is take a diazapan which does normally calm me down within about half an hour or so, but last night it was a good couple of hours before I fell asleep. I feel better today, calmer, clearer head etc. Don't know whether my waffling helps but its good to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this. It's hell sometimes....

 

[shell]

A punching bag will not help. Aggression breeds aggression because as soon as you become aggressive your body will release adrenaline - the worst drug in the world for manic episodes.

I too suffer with anger problems. Infact, my shouting was what ended my marriage (but to be honest that was a blessing in disguise as my ex wife was passive aggressive and knew just how to wind me up).

If you can not calm yourself down by relaxing (read up on relaxation techniques) then there are meds out there for bipolar sufferers that WILL calm you down. Risperidone/dal is one of those as it will just put you to sleep.

What medication do you currently take? please don't say none.

If you are on meds then ask for others, it's worked well for me. If you are not on meds then ask for them. If the latter applies to you (IE - not on meds) and you don't ask for them or take them as and when prescribed then I'm afraid that you might be right in your self analysis (IE - yes it is your fault).

Sorry if that sounds patronising. It certainly isn't meant to be but I don't know you and you have not mentioned if you are on meds or what ones you are on. As for the anger? and the emotions? you won't be able to control it if you have bipolar. That's why people like us are deemed mentally ill, or 'not well'. It's because we are just that. However, with the right meds and a bit of grit and determination (trust me, you won't do it without meds) then it is perfectly possible to live a somewhat normal life.

Yeah just keep on taking more pills after more pills that dumb you down till you have no emotions and no way to express yourself. I don't see pills as the answer to anything. I have just been diagnosed my poor kids have a mother who finds it even hard to have a conversation because her heads so fucked up and this is with medication. I have no sex drive so I have asked my husband to go and cheat why should he suffer. Plus the cost of another perscription drug to add to boot, side effects etc. Sorry it just winds me up take another magic pill !!!!

 

[Ruby Tuesday]

They aren't magic pills in the sense that they cure it. They don't. They don't dumb me down either. Lithium that I take is a life-saver. They give me some sort of normaility. I too am a married mother of two with zero sex drive. My husband understands. He has to. If he doesnt then we arent meant to be together. I also work full time in a managerial role. Yes sometimes I probably shouldnt be in work on my bad days but I manage to muddle through. I have to, otherwise my mortgage dosent get paid. What I'm trying to say is that medication does work sometimes, you've just got to find the right one, and the right balance. Its still not a cure but it DOES help.