• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

How to deal with a partner that does not understand mental issues?



Hi, I'm a new member and today I was driven to the edge and didn't know what to do. I texted a suicide line but they replied with very generic words and it wasn't very helpful.

I've suffered with depression since I was 11 years old (28 now) due to a mentally abusive father. I tried therapies and medicine but nothing seemed to really work for me. So I've dealt with it myself, had better and worse days. After moving to UK 5 years ago it all seemed to get better, I started some self development, managed to find a path of career i want to follow and met a wonderful man.

Right. I've met him though a girl at work. We were very good friends, he is her twin brother. It all seemed well, I got accepted to the family, we recently bought a house together and all. But thing between me and his sister started to go bad. She is constancy accusing me of having better life than her and not having a right to feel bad, our paths just went different directions since all she cares about it another man to shag and I want to focus on my relationship and study. I admitted this to my boyfriend, especially that she recently started to claim she has mental issues too and all she does is drain me by dumping all her problems on me. At first he was supportive and understanding but recently, and especially today he started telling me I do have a better life than her and I indeed don't have a right to be sad, that he just wants to shake me sometimes, that I tell him about being mentally ill but it's all lies after which he tells me I need a psychiatric help. If I hide my bad moods he gets upset that I'm not honest with him, if I'm honest and I admit I'm feeling suicidal (not actually planning it, more just really not wanting to be alive) or that I self harm, he says I'm threatening him. I asked if he ever did any research or if he ever thinks that what he says is hurting me and basically is an unsolicited advicw. He said he didn't and I give unsolicited advices about myself because I am living in 'our lovely house' and I don't have to work because I'm furloughed due to covid or worry about anything. I said that it doesn't matter and that I do appreciate him and our house but it doesn't change that I can't look in the mirror without feeling repulsed. I also said that we both need to change and if it's not going to happen, it's probably better if we go separate ways because I can't deal with this situation repeating itself all over again.
He repeated that I'm threatening him and that sometimes he feels like I don't love him at all.

I feel hopeless, I shouldn't be carrying myself and him at the same time. I refuse to feel guilty and he refuses to learn about my state or how to help. Normally he's extremely loving and supportive, I don't know why he reacts to my lows like this...


Well-known member
Feb 6, 2021
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Welcome @gingersnapped
I also called a suicide hotline twice, and I also found them to be lacking in empathy and not giving me good advice. How long were you on meds and therapy? They need time and a commitment on your part to work. Sometimes it's trial and error to find a med that works for you. "Not having a right to feel bad" is a terrible thing to say to you. I agree with you that you shouldn't be carrying yourself and him at the same time. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost. A lot of people don't understand mental illness. My ex-wife divorced me because of it. She could no longer be a caregiver to me because it was so draining to her. It sounds like you are codependent on him, if I got that right. "Codependency: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction." That's not a good thing. Can you both see a therapist together? That's my advice.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
trojan New partner's sudden depression - how to deal with it? Depression Forum 38
C How do I deal with a partner who doesn't understand depression? Depression Forum 1
S I can't deal with it anymore (trigger)? Depression Forum 2
K I cant deal with being ugly Depression Forum 1
PureLeaf Major/Chronic Depression is Hard to Deal With Depression Forum 28
Lexara How did you start to deal with depression? Depression Forum 7
I How to deal with something I saw Depression Forum 4
D How to deal with failure Depression Forum 15
A How to deal with that when no one is around Depression Forum 310
J How to deal with my GF Depression Forum 4
Hardknocks88 How do i deal with it? Depression Forum 5
M A topic for people who deal with loneliness Depression Forum 45
T How to deal with breakups ? Depression Forum 1
D I don't know how to deal with this Depression Forum 4
JustAnotherHuman Any tips on how to deal with moments of no energy/motivation? Depression Forum 1
S How do y’all deal with loneliness? Depression Forum 16
M How Do You Deal with Monotony? Depression Forum 2
S Need some insight and opinions on how to deal w/ someone w/ depression Depression Forum 2
E How do I deal with this depression when I can't seek anyone's help? Depression Forum 1
P How do therapists deal with clients that pace during a session? Depression Forum 1
S I don't know how to deal with life Depression Forum 6
J How to avoid or deal with the news? Depression Forum 9
arayyahoward How do I deal with depression? Depression Forum 2
G Strategy to deal with Depression Forum 2
S I'm new to depression and I don't know how to deal Depression Forum 6
M How do online forums help you deal with mental disorders, especially the stigma attached to them? Depression Forum 6
S Insomnia. I want to quit taking seroquel, and I'm afraid of the insomnia I'll have to deal with. Depression Forum 4
P How to deal with the past Depression Forum 4
G Depression and anxiety...? Not sure what it is or how to deal with it. Depression Forum 1
J How do I deal with severe frustration and depression? Depression Forum 1
H dont know how to deal with this Depression Forum 4
P How to Deal with Husband? Depression Forum 2
L How to deal with emptiness? Depression Forum 6
A How should I deal with my father? Depression Forum 2
B How do I deal with depression? Depression Forum 2
P cannot deal with this anymore Depression Forum 6
Y How to deal with Rape Depression Forum 9
cathy340 How do you deal with people who only use you? Depression Forum 2
O How to deal with depression Depression Forum 3
L How can I deal with this relapse? Depression Forum 8
S Dealing with having become my worst nightmare....a LOSER still living at home in my THIRTIES. How to deal? Depression Forum 4
G too much to deal with! Depression Forum 4
amathus BBC- How Sports Stars deal with Depression Depression Forum 2
Fairy Lucretia my partner hermit x Depression Forum 5
Fairy Lucretia partner is really il Depression Forum 15
E My depressed partner has shut me out and now I am feeling bad Depression Forum 10
L Depressed partner help Depression Forum 2
C Relationship Troubles and Depressed Partner (depressed boyfriend) Depression Forum 1
C Rubbish partner Depression Forum 4
R Is it ever okay to discuss my partner's mental health with their parents? When is it time to try a new prescription? Depression Forum 14

Similar threads