• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

How to deal with a partner that does not understand mental issues?



Mar 2, 2021
Hi, I'm a new member and today I was driven to the edge and didn't know what to do. I texted a suicide line but they replied with very generic words and it wasn't very helpful.

I've suffered with depression since I was 11 years old (28 now) due to a mentally abusive father. I tried therapies and medicine but nothing seemed to really work for me. So I've dealt with it myself, had better and worse days. After moving to UK 5 years ago it all seemed to get better, I started some self development, managed to find a path of career i want to follow and met a wonderful man.

Right. I've met him though a girl at work. We were very good friends, he is her twin brother. It all seemed well, I got accepted to the family, we recently bought a house together and all. But thing between me and his sister started to go bad. She is constancy accusing me of having better life than her and not having a right to feel bad, our paths just went different directions since all she cares about it another man to shag and I want to focus on my relationship and study. I admitted this to my boyfriend, especially that she recently started to claim she has mental issues too and all she does is drain me by dumping all her problems on me. At first he was supportive and understanding but recently, and especially today he started telling me I do have a better life than her and I indeed don't have a right to be sad, that he just wants to shake me sometimes, that I tell him about being mentally ill but it's all lies after which he tells me I need a psychiatric help. If I hide my bad moods he gets upset that I'm not honest with him, if I'm honest and I admit I'm feeling suicidal (not actually planning it, more just really not wanting to be alive) or that I self harm, he says I'm threatening him. I asked if he ever did any research or if he ever thinks that what he says is hurting me and basically is an unsolicited advicw. He said he didn't and I give unsolicited advices about myself because I am living in 'our lovely house' and I don't have to work because I'm furloughed due to covid or worry about anything. I said that it doesn't matter and that I do appreciate him and our house but it doesn't change that I can't look in the mirror without feeling repulsed. I also said that we both need to change and if it's not going to happen, it's probably better if we go separate ways because I can't deal with this situation repeating itself all over again.
He repeated that I'm threatening him and that sometimes he feels like I don't love him at all.

I feel hopeless, I shouldn't be carrying myself and him at the same time. I refuse to feel guilty and he refuses to learn about my state or how to help. Normally he's extremely loving and supportive, I don't know why he reacts to my lows like this...


Well-known member
Feb 6, 2021
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Welcome @gingersnapped
I also called a suicide hotline twice, and I also found them to be lacking in empathy and not giving me good advice. How long were you on meds and therapy? They need time and a commitment on your part to work. Sometimes it's trial and error to find a med that works for you. "Not having a right to feel bad" is a terrible thing to say to you. I agree with you that you shouldn't be carrying yourself and him at the same time. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost. A lot of people don't understand mental illness. My ex-wife divorced me because of it. She could no longer be a caregiver to me because it was so draining to her. It sounds like you are codependent on him, if I got that right. "Codependency: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction." That's not a good thing. Can you both see a therapist together? That's my advice.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
trojan New partner's sudden depression - how to deal with it? Depression Forum 38
I How to deal with something I saw Depression Forum 4
T How to deal with failure Depression Forum 15
A How to deal with that when no one is around Depression Forum 310
J How to deal with my GF Depression Forum 4
Hardknocks88 How do i deal with it? Depression Forum 5
M A topic for people who deal with loneliness Depression Forum 46
R Is it ever okay to discuss my partner's mental health with their parents? When is it time to try a new prescription? Depression Forum 14
F My Partner with depression Depression Forum 18
L Partner with depression Depression Forum 13
W My Partner Suffers from Depression & Anxiety Depression Forum 6
I Supporting a suicidal partner Depression Forum 4
L Depressed partner- seeking advice Depression Forum 5
D Partner with depression Depression Forum 4
M Need some advice for helping my partner Depression Forum 1
S My partner wants to move out Depression Forum 4
S My relationship broke down with my partner after he lost his mum? Depression Forum 5
L My depressed partner doesn't contact me anymore, What can I do to help? Depression Forum 37
L does anyone feel they are going through the day like floating soul? Depression Forum 29
S anxiety and depression, does it ever end?? Depression Forum 5
A_Wilted_Daisy Does anyone else just randomly cry off and on? Depression Forum 10
E Does depression make you say things you don’t mean to the people closest to you? Depression Forum 6
MeAndMyDepression Does anyone else suffer from bipolar depression? Depression Forum 9
I What Does Loneliness Do To You? Depression Forum 32
A does anyone else think they are really boring Depression Forum 26
G Why does life hate me? Depression Forum 5
L does someone want to chat about SSRIs and failing meds? Depression Forum 5
I Why does it always happen when I’m upset? Depression Forum 3
DistantOcean What depression does to me Depression Forum 1
L If I Don't Believe I'll Ever Be Happy, Does That Guarantee I Won't? Depression Forum 41
J does exercise really help moderate to servere depression? Depression Forum 28
S Does mindfulness meditation helps to overcome panic attacks? Depression Forum 9
M Does any of you have just null days ? Depression Forum 5
BLUESTAR009 If a person has one month of chronic depression does that age the face or is that not enough time to do aging damage? Depression Forum 5
Carol1952 Feeling so depressed why does this have to happen to us? Depression Forum 12
J does this make sense? low dose of seraquel Depression Forum 4
S Does anyone know why antidepressants only seem to work for me some of the time? Depression Forum 18
G Does anyone else feel like this? Depression Forum 4
D Why does my close friend with depression shut me out - but keeps other people? Depression Forum 8

Similar threads