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How to deal with a friend that has alot of the issues ive read about here...

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MiniVanMaMa86

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Apr 20, 2015
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How to deal with a friend that has alot of the issues ive read about here...

I have a long time friend who's been through alot in the past few years, everything from emotional to body abuse and a string of bad relationships with men. She understandably is a bit damaged because of the things shes been through but i try to be there to support her through everything. Anything from taking her and her children to doctors appointments to grocery shopping because i have a vehicle and she does not.

What im having trouble with is an issue that continues to come up where she thinks someone has said something negative (or positive) about her (they dont know her of course they could be complete strangers) and she swears they have said something about her even though ill be standing right there and the person didnt say anything at all.

Recently she turned on me and did the same thing to me claiming that i called her toddler a B-word when i know i did not. She insists that i said it and yet she did not tell me until the next day early in the morning in a text. She pretended to have a perfectly good time the whole day that we were together that day and didnt say one word about not liking something i had said until early the next morning. She is a bit passive quiet person and tends to not say anything shes unhappy with until its way too late for me to even remember having said or not said whatever it was she was claiming i said.

How do i understand someone that is convinced they hear me say something i did not say and still maintain a close good friendship without things changing beyond belief?? the one thing i cannot deal with is being blamed for something i know i did not do, and im pretty sure i didnt say that about her young child.

i hope this is in the right area, i know she has a big anxiety problem and after much reading ive discovered that auditory hallucinations can be linked with people who have extreme anxiety.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Hello and welcome to the forum.
It sounds as though you have been really kind to your friend and given her some much needed support.
And so I can understand how upsetting it must feel to have her turn on you, particularly when you've done nothing wrong.

The fact that she waited to confront you and spent the evening acting as though nothing was wrong is a bit odd.

Have you talked to her about how it made you feel when she accused you of saying something unkind? I suppose it might be difficult though, particularly if you're correct and she is having hallucinations.

Years ago I had a friend who made accusations about me that were untrue and it was down to her insecurity. She'd make these things up just for me to reassure her that I liked her and we were still friends.
I wonder, if she's not hearing voices, if this might be what she's doing.

Without knowing her or hearing her version of events it's hard to know what's going on in her mind and I can only really speculate.
Is she getting any professional help at all?

It may be that this is a symptom of her being unwell, and whilst it's difficult, you mustn't take it personally.
 
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MiniVanMaMa86

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Apr 20, 2015
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Thank you so much for replying ive been literally waiting with baited breathe to get some help with this issue because we talk to each other all the time and usually everyday. I feel like maybe i should give som more background here as well just to help everyone understand a little more about her and i.

This is 15 year old friendship, shes has suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember but i never saw her pull this "this person or that person just said some shit about me when i was walking by" about a complete stranger before. This is more recent and usually she'll do it about everyone but me. Ive also told her that i didnt want this to ever be an issue for us where shes confused and thinks I SAID something so just to be clear "just ask me, right when it happens" and say "wait what did you say? i missed that" because to me its better to just ask for clarification then to wait so long that its basically too late to say something.

I DID tell her how i felt the moment i saw her text because she shot me the comments at about 3am and i was asleep. She seemed to come off as angry over it and liek she had been really thinking about this for some time and was even up THAT late enough to say something like that to me at that hour bothers me. This leads me to believe that (in some of the reading ive done on here) that she may have a type of "spiral thinking" to where it always ends up negative in all the scenarios she comes up with in her head.

I dont think that shes trying to pull any kind of a reassurance thing because shes pretty sure of how strong our friendship is and she feels that our friendship is strong because after having a falling out as teens because she chose to be with a young man that was severely schizophrenic and was stealing and damaging thing from my family and she was doing nothing to stop it, i chose to cut ties until she could "wake up" enough to realize that this guy she was with was burning bridges with people who cared for her by his actions while she stood by and did nothing.

two years ago we got back in touch and things picked up where they left off friendship wise, getting along great and it being just like the old days, only older now me married and her with three kids. She told me that because of all the bad relationships and things she had been through over the years while were wernt talking that she suffered from PTSD, extreme anxiety, and what seems to be a type of sensitive hearing where she'll see two people talking outside or hear two people talking even though she cant hear them and she'll think their talking about her and then she'll apply it to her life and then think their talking shit based on bits and pieces of what she heard them say.

usually because of this i always try to stay positive with her and keep things on a good note so that she cant take snippets of things i have said through the course of a day together and then think the same of me. She has however done this with my husband before though when he was NOT talking about her and got really upset and quiet on the drive home.

(((i too have had a friend that would constantly try to get me to reinforce that we were still friends and this is not what is happening with her))))

my friend does have a therapist she sees but its only about once a month and has tried medications but the few she tried she didnt like. so im not sure what else to do then just keep trying to encourage her to keep seeking help and trying different meds.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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..so im not sure what else to do then just keep trying to encourage her to keep seeking help and trying different meds.
I think that there is only so much one person can do, as frustrating as that can be when it comes to someone we care about.
I think encouraging her to seek help and letting her know you are there for her if she needs support is the best thing.
 
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MiniVanMaMa86

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Apr 20, 2015
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Thank you for the quick replies here, well needless to say it didnt end well, we're now not speaking and because of the things she said (even bringing our young children into this disagreement) saying that im racist (because her two youngest sons father is black) and during the course of a conversation that was totally innocent into my being racist, rude, and have no boundaries and she just completely blew up on me when i attempted to talk to her about all this and was offended by the fact that i even tried to research this disability that she claims to have.

so i just want to say thanks for trying to help but unfortunately shes too deep "into" mentally for our friendship to continue.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
so i just want to say thanks for trying to help but unfortunately shes too deep "into" mentally for our friendship to continue.
I think that perhaps you are right.
Whilst it might be upsetting for you friendship to end, ultimately you have to look after yourself. You've been very caring and loyal to her.
Unfortunately her illness is affecting her thinking and way of relating to other people.. so it's important to know it's not personal either way.
 
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