How To Deal /w Guilt Regret Etc While Sober?

CanadianDave

CanadianDave

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Joined
Jul 2, 2019
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18
Location
Calgary Alberta Canada
#1
As my sobriety continues, and my journey of daily exercise and walking hits its 9th straight week (yay me, it's good to finally feel proud about myself again), j find that my now much clearer and more "woke" mind has been hitting certain roadblocks when it comes to dealing with (recent as well as over events from longer ago) guilt, regret, and shame over actions (hurtful actions, shameful actions, unstable actions, addicted actions, some of which were pretty bad and happened AFTER I had stopped drinking) of mine brought on my mental issues, which I am so newly trying to understand / learn how to deal with, rather than hide from or self-medicate away.

Overall, since starting my daily walks and exercise 9 weeks ago (battling my way slowly back from severe obesity from my drug, booze and food addicted years), I have been feeling MUCH more positive, and have been reconnecting with old family & friends, but I am still alone with my thoughts a LOT, and my always anxious / always thinking / never able to relax mind just obsesses over my past actions.

"Old Dave" actions.

Any tips or advice on reconciling these feelings so I can move on, or at least putting them out of my mind so I can focus on my positive new goals?

Thanks very much in advance for any replies!
 
L

Lorcos

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May 31, 2019
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USA
#2
Omg I completely understand but I believe that is what they call " stinking thinking" and we all have it especially in the initial stages of recovery. We will have regrets about things we have done in our addiction but we cannot dwell on that or let that interfere with our success. Sobriety is such a huge accomplishment that you must continue to acknowledge that to yourself. Friends and family will forgive you for your past. I know this is easier said then done but recovery so early is often very challenging and you need to be a little easy on yourself. Congratulations for 9 weeks. That is no easy task. I am 2 years now and still have my rough days.
 
CanadianDave

CanadianDave

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Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
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Location
Calgary Alberta Canada
#3
Omg I completely understand but I believe that is what they call " stinking thinking" and we all have it especially in the initial stages of recovery. We will have regrets about things we have done in our addiction but we cannot dwell on that or let that interfere with our success. Sobriety is such a huge accomplishment that you must continue to acknowledge that to yourself. Friends and family will forgive you for your past. I know this is easier said then done but recovery so early is often very challenging and you need to be a little easy on yourself. Congratulations for 9 weeks. That is no easy task. I am 2 years now and still have my rough days.
Thank you.

It's not just friends and family.

It's old co-workers, people I had gotten close with online over the years, etc.

Kleptomania, lack of impulse control, addiction, and some...other things...have caused me to hurt / alienate / screw over / mistreat almost every single person I've known to some degree or another.

And some of the things I did, negative things, especially online, I did simply because I was so desperately alone, sad, bored, housebound, and isolated and wanted attention, ANY attention, even if it was negative and having shame / judgement heaped on me for self destructive behaviour.

Does that make sense?
 
L

Lorcos

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USA
#5
I do understand, but you are making changes for the better that's what is important. It's how you are living today that is important. Guilt is such a destructive feeling that it can affect your sobriety. It's only been 9 weeks. You have time to make amends to people once you are in more solid ground. I do completely understand how you feel though. Don't you feel as if you've made some positive changes though? Don't you feel like you are moving in the right direction? Don't you have forgiveness for other people? Can you try to have some for yourself? If there is truly something you cannot forgive yourself for then perhaps think of a way to make amends for that thing. But for this early on in recovery you are really supposed to be focused on yourself.
 
CanadianDave

CanadianDave

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Joined
Jul 2, 2019
Messages
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Location
Calgary Alberta Canada
#6
I do understand, but you are making changes for the better that's what is important. It's how you are living today that is important. Guilt is such a destructive feeling that it can affect your sobriety. It's only been 9 weeks. You have time to make amends to people once you are in more solid ground. I do completely understand how you feel though. Don't you feel as if you've made some positive changes though? Don't you feel like you are moving in the right direction? Don't you have forgiveness for other people? Can you try to have some for yourself? If there is truly something you cannot forgive yourself for then perhaps think of a way to make amends for that thing. But for this early on in recovery you are really supposed to be focused on yourself.
I do understand all that.

I do.

And I know I need to get into therapy, etc, finally.

But the shameful fact is that still, right now, I'm so large that I can't comfortably fit onto most vehicles or public transport and the person who can drive me places isn't free very often.

So, especially in those lonely times, my mind just spins....
 
L

Lorcos

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Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
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Location
USA
#7
Yes, therapy helps. It is just awful those free times that you have when your mind wanders off to the past. That is when I feel the quilt creep in the most too. Have you tried meditation? Music helps me too, nothing like a good song to get your mind off things. I think it's amazing how great you have done for 9 weeks!!! I didn't realize you have done that without any therapy!
 

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