How to cope with social isolation?

T

thinkbigking

New member
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
1
Location
New York
#1
TL;DR:I really want to learn how to me emotionally independent and not reliant on any friends and not be depressed because I have almost none who would spend time with me.

Backstory: I am a 20 year , 2nd year student studying engineering and have been having troubles with socialisation since I came to uni. Since I came here, far away from home I have had very few friends and recently, in second year, having almost no friends.I know a huge network of people but have no friends. By having no friends I mean no one ever messages me at least with a hi. No one ever wants to go out even when I ask because they are too busy, uninterested or some other reason. I see people always have time for others but never seam to want to stay with me. I am always reaching out to others, checking on them, seeing how everyone is doing but no one even says hi to me. The only other messages I get are for hw. I have become the somewhat default person to go to for hw, questions and exam help.

A good example of my predicament is my room mates. I knew them from first year and decided to rent with them in second year. At home I talk with them whenever I am free but whenever they make plans they never seam to invite me or don't want me to come. When they say they don't want me to come they say it's because I don't know the people. This seams a bit odd because out of lets say a group of 7 people who are meeting, including my roommates I would not know 1 of them and I am friends with the rest.

The only socialisation I get is if in between classes or in classes or after classes I bump into people I know and have a conversation with them. After this nothing else happens. I alway hear everything people say and be a support to each person with whatever they have. I always like helping people and am in no was an introvert. The only thing with me is I don't talk too much. By this I mean comparatively I talk very less. I see everyone else talking about what they did, where they went and even the very small minute detail. I find talking about yourself very self centred and generaly do not like to discuss anything I have done or any problems I am facing. I like to talk with other people on what they did ,but not what I did and also other topics such as school, work, engineering topics and current affairs but never about myself. I generally never try to force a conversation. Just because I am bored and have nothing to do, I will never open my mouth nor message anyone unless I need something.

I like being around people, and want to go around seeing and doing things but not alone. I am currently exploring this new city on my own and honestly have seen more of it then some other people but I really don't want to do it alone. I am getting really sad and depressed spending more time on my own while I see everyone else enjoying with each other. The more this happens, the sadder I get and the less willing i am to do work. Recently I have been sleeping 12-14hrs vs my usual of 6-7. I have skipped classes, stopped submitting hw and doing extremely poorly in test because I don't have a will to work. How can I accept the situation I am in, develop form it and become more mentally strong to be less worried about friends and more focused on work.

In high school I also had a similar problem but the difference between then and now is in high school I had a close group of friends who I stayed with and enjoyed with. I had a lot of acquaintances who I talked with on occasion but never really hanged out with. The acquaintances would ask me for help and I would. I wasn't depressed about socialisation in high school never bothered me because I knew I had a group of friends who I could enjoy with.

I have a feeling social media could also be a play as I see everyone "enjoying" and not their struggles.

PS: Sorry for any grammatically errors, I am writing this as I go to my exam.
PSS: My profile is not accurate, I don't want to give too many details about my location.
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
460
Location
Plymouth
#2
When I was 20-years-old I was very happy, I'm 44 now, I was studying economics, had friends, life was good, but time does move on, so working now, life is ok but miserable a lot, but do miss my old life, maybe your life will be good when your in your 40's & you won't miss your old life, it can happen that way. I'm a bit like you with sleeping, go to bed 8:30pm every night, when used to stay up all night, life can circle that way, maybe you can build on this negative experience in your life, I do have a positive feeling that one day I will snap out of it, & my life will one day be better than one in which I never even suffered.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
238
#3
I went through a period of time like that myself, when I was in a University studying engineering. I have a feeling things will change for you for the better. Life can be rather lonely at times, it can be difficult, I know from personal experience. I hope things improve for you.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
760
Location
California, USA
#4
You need to stay on top of your schoolwork, so if depression is interfering with this, you should see your doctor, or the school might have a mental health resource for students.
Lots of people are lonely at college. You see the ones running around with friends, but there are plenty alone in their rooms.
My son came home from college after his first year, due to depression and being lonely. He goes to a local college now.
Does your college have clubs you can join? If everyone is asking you for homework help, perhaps you can form a study group?
 

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