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how ptsd affects me every night

sad_heart20

sad_heart20

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Feb 20, 2020
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USA
my ptsd is something i am reminded of the trauma
everyday
it affects how i communication with family
if a family is moody in any way
i immediately put my defensive up when being confronted
ptsd is something i suffered
i vomited and passed out at the trauma site during that time
i am now in 40sish and the ptsd is something i see that trauma being keep repeatedly
I get angry in act of preservation realizing its wrong for me to get mad
that is why i get sick when I am forced to see such aggressive and whining and complaining by the family member everyday
ptsd is part of anything that is distrubing
I also see ptsd everyday at my daily communte bus where i see homeless throw their bad temper
i get scared.
not happy
 
calypso

calypso

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I am sorry you seem to be suffering so much. Have you received any help for this?
 
sad_heart20

sad_heart20

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Feb 20, 2020
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yes i am waiting a book written by a doctor
 
P

pollypocket88

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Jan 21, 2019
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Sorry to hear this I can relate in some ways I also suffer with ptsd after suffering for years I now have the right medication and Have community support . I really hope you seek some help and get the help you need .
 
J

Jules5

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God I know how you are feeling. I an so anesthetized Dead to my PTSD that I rarely respond to it anymore. I do not get angry anymore like I use to. I just seemed to have turned off that part of my life.

Really high excitable events make suicidal and all the PTSD comes back to me.

I wish you the best in fighting these overwhelming problems. My life is that of a Zombie-no feelings and excitement for anything.

I kinda use animals to overcome my sorrow. I have 4 beautiful lovely dogs and nineteen birds. I have a great friend on this forum that I talked to every day.

Try to private message me or someone you like on the forum. Develop a support system that is non invasive. Love and Hugs Jules
 
sad_heart20

sad_heart20

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it saddens me to the realization. PTSD was what i tried to re-create it up (act up) when i lived with adopted parents ,(they are dead now) and not knowing why i acted strange.

when i was younger my parents did not believe in doctors until later hubby had to take me to a doctor for the first time, from there i was originally medically diagnosed borderline so i took an extra assessment about five times already to make sure what kind of disorders i had. i think i finally got to the root.

** me as toddler - traumatized
** me as teen - tried to recreate it again by acting bad to parents, quitted elementary due to my mental issues
** me as before diagnosed (adult) - tried to defend myself when i see similar action in if a another family member acting up that reminds me of the original trauma.
** me as after diagnosed - tries a different approach now, realizes that there's something i have not addressed yet.

i have huge memory loss gaps in my childhood due to disoccation. maybe it was my way to block out trauma, good thing i was able to preserve that small part of trauma clear as intact in memory eventually my grandmother gave me a strange birthday card telling me the truth that my biological mother was cold hearted as she informed grandmother (my dad's mother) the decision to give me up to adoption regardless how sad and shocked my grandmother was crying.

i was reunited with my bio dad's family when i was 25 year old, i was also reunited with bio mom too but thats another story.

anyway grandmother gave me this weird birthday card about her message to me how unkind my bio mom was. she also observed my bio dad was so silent towards his mother and kept looking down as my bio mom kept a tough face on hers in her firm decision about me. that was after my school bus head injury that triggered my bio mom to take action about me.

my adoptive parents were my best friends. (they are dead now) if it weren't not for my adoptive parents i would have not met my hubby because we all have similar disability for 4 of us. I rather not point out the type of disability as it is Not important. my bio dad eventually died when i was 10.

someday i will tell ya about my bio dad and bio mom. thats another story.

sorry, i got sidetracked, however my grandmothers birthday card last year was the last missing "puzzle" to my ptsd. it was to confirm me that indeed it was MY MOTHER who started it. NOT my father, period.
 
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