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How many favourite people do BPD patients have in their lifetime?

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cognitkale

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Can it be only 1 in their entire lifetime? Like 1 true love? or do they have multiple episodes/favourite people?

does a bpd episode happen only when they have a favourite person?
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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1. I think it's different for everyone. I've had 1 FP and that relationship ended in a disaster that did so much damage I've not really attempted any new interpersonal relationships since. I find alot of FP relationships can be unhealthy but again it's different for different people.

2. A big part of bpd is an inability to regulate your own emotions. So if something triggers an extreme emotional response from me I become overwhelmed by ( usually negative ) emotions that can happen with or without an FP because they aren't mutually inclusive or exclusive .


I also wanted to mention BPD has an extremely high comorbidity rate which helps to contribute to the diversity in experiences sufferers have.
 
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Nukelavee

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Hard to say. I've had a couple FPs, but I have a feeling most of my ex's were really FPs I happened to sleep with.

As for episodes, I dunno. To me, there's no difference in how I feel after a break up, romantic or platonic.
 
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WhySoSerious

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I've never heard this term "favourite people" until I came on here.

I believe people w BPD can idolise any number of people all at once but soon it crashes down when expectations aren't met.
 
megirl

megirl

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I'm I guess fortunate I've being able to rationalise my irrational feelings, towards others, and been able to maintain friendships, although I apparently don't suffer from BPD to the extreme others do.
I believe it's due to childhood experiences the paths we come across as adults what help us to evolve
BPD isn't a choice sadly
 
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EstherRose94

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A few I guess would match with the idea of FP in retrospect. Eventually I decided that fictional people I make up make the best FPs. I still have real friends too lol. I just try to feel that soulmate level connection in my imagination instead cause you know we can’t control other people and they’ll always disappoint if we have such high expectations.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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A few I guess would match with the idea of FP in retrospect. Eventually I decided that fictional people I make up make the best FPs. I still have real friends too lol. I just try to feel that soulmate level connection in my imagination instead cause you know we can’t control other people and they’ll always disappoint if we have such high expectations.
That's an interesting idea
How does that work for you?
Like an imaginary friend or person or sex fantasy thing?
Tell me more about how you do that
 
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EstherRose94

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Like an imaginary friend type thing. But I used to write a lot of stories so I would write about fictional characters and give them personality traits that mesh well with mine and stuff. I mean I think ultimately we have this idea of how we want other people to be and how we want them to treat us. So I just put in on paper. And it’s sometimes part of my inner dialogue like rn I’m really upset and I don’t want to eat but I haven’t eaten today so there’s that voice in my head like “eat something or you’re really going to feel like shit”. Like an internal voice that is a little more supportive and positive that I’ll actually listen to.
 
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cognitkale

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Like an imaginary friend type thing. But I used to write a lot of stories so I would write about fictional characters and give them personality traits that mesh well with mine and stuff. I mean I think ultimately we have this idea of how we want other people to be and how we want them to treat us. So I just put in on paper. And it’s sometimes part of my inner dialogue like rn I’m really upset and I don’t want to eat but I haven’t eaten today so there’s that voice in my head like “eat something or you’re really going to feel like shit”. Like an internal voice that is a little more supportive and positive that I’ll actually listen to.
i thought i was the only one who did this. i used to have a fantasy world of my own.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Like an imaginary friend type thing. But I used to write a lot of stories so I would write about fictional characters and give them personality traits that mesh well with mine and stuff. I mean I think ultimately we have this idea of how we want other people to be and how we want them to treat us. So I just put in on paper. And it’s sometimes part of my inner dialogue like rn I’m really upset and I don’t want to eat but I haven’t eaten today so there’s that voice in my head like “eat something or you’re really going to feel like shit”. Like an internal voice that is a little more supportive and positive that I’ll actually listen to.
Yeah, I've kindof dabbled in this...but at the same time, I was using the image of one of my favorite persons, so I'm not sure how well I do at this...actually, now I kinda do it with celebrities. Meh! Still a step away from feeling like I'm manipulating a situation or person and building expectations for them because it's very unlikely I'll ever meet these celebrities, but at the same time, I still realize that celebrities are real people too and it might not be the best thing to idealize them...even if it is fiction...although there is a whole genre of this-fanfiction! Maybe it is ok if I can remember that it's just that-fiction. I dunno
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

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I would think that each person has differences in that. What I learned from my recent experience (and I'm no expert) is that impulsive behavior can be a factor to include unsafe sex. I suppose that could mean multiple love interests.

However, my stalker, whom I'm sure suffers from BPD, is focused only on one person. Unfortunately, that person is me. I suspect that, for him, it's only one person at a time. He was previously obsessed with an older woman when he was 15, which was his first and only intimate experience with a woman. Fast forward almost ten years to this person's obsessive focus on me. He alienated all of his and all of our mutual friends and attempted (unsuccessfully with disastrous results to him) to alienate me from my family and friends so that we would be solely dependent upon each other. In his ramblings, he compared himself to a penguin that would only be with one other individual for life. So, in this particular case, yes, one person.
 
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EstherRose94

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Yeah, I've kindof dabbled in this...but at the same time, I was using the image of one of my favorite persons, so I'm not sure how well I do at this...actually, now I kinda do it with celebrities. Meh! Still a step away from feeling like I'm manipulating a situation or person and building expectations for them because it's very unlikely I'll ever meet these celebrities, but at the same time, I still realize that celebrities are real people too and it might not be the best thing to idealize them...even if it is fiction...although there is a whole genre of this-fanfiction! Maybe it is ok if I can remember that it's just that-fiction. I dunno
I did that at one point too and thought was irl in love with him but like I wasn’t so that was weird. I’m back to the actually made up ones now. I don’t think the celebrity thing would be as slippery of a slope.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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I would think that each person has differences in that. What I learned from my recent experience (and I'm no expert) is that impulsive behavior can be a factor to include unsafe sex. I suppose that could mean multiple love interests.

However, my stalker, whom I'm sure suffers from BPD, is focused only on one person. Unfortunately, that person is me. I suspect that, for him, it's only one person at a time. He was previously obsessed with an older woman when he was 15, which was his first and only intimate experience with a woman. Fast forward almost ten years to this person's obsessive focus on me. He alienated all of his and all of our mutual friends and attempted (unsuccessfully with disastrous results to him) to alienate me from my family and friends so that we would be solely dependent upon each other. In his ramblings, he compared himself to a penguin that would only be with one other individual for life. So, in this particular case, yes, one person.
I'm sorry your going through that have you contacted police or atleast spoke to someone?

And I know this is nitpicky in your extremely serious situation please don't be offended I'm just the worst- but your story actually doesn't mean 1 FP. He had one before you so multiple FPs maybe one at a time
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

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No, not offended at all, thank you for asking.

I have and they have spoken to him. The courts are mostly closed due to covid so a TRO will have to wait unless he threatens me or someone else directly, so they told me. Fortunately, he lives far enough away that he can't ride his rickety rusting bike or walk, but I suppose he could catch the bus.

I think my stalker is a one FP at a time kind of person. Before I knew all of what he was going through I admit I did try to pawn him off on other girls, but he never took the bait. I even gave him permission to get a pillow with my picture on it if that would get me off the hook, but no.

I did have an 18 hour reprieve, but he's back in full force. I don't respond to hundreds of calls, texts, videos and emails I get per day but I have to admit watching/reading them is like a slow motion train wreck. It's horrifying, but I can't look away it's soooo over the top.
 
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Orphanannie89

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I seem to have an FP in every aspect of my life, work, church, family (well in laws) but I'm not sure I would define them as my FP. I do feel I have to keep in favour with them. I can really hate them if they ignore me and then adore them when they respond and feel terrible when I have hated them.
 
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