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How long should it take?

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bluebell24

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Aug 7, 2009
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106
... to get over a friendship that's ended? I appreciate there may be no definitive answer to this question but I wonder, is it sane that after 6 months I still grieve for a friendship that had only lasted a year?!

I miss my former friend every day. Not constantly but every day without fail. I barely talk to any other friends as really I only want to talk to him. That sounds crazy and obsessive I know. It's not the way I mean it though, but there was a time when he showed me understanding that not another soul offered and I find it hard to be honest with other friends.

Honestly I feel like such a loser! I should just get over it but I am so, so sad about it!
 
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rasselas

Guest
...

... to get over a friendship that's ended? I appreciate there may be no definitive answer to this question but I wonder, is it sane that after 6 months I still grieve for a friendship that had only lasted a year?!

I miss my former friend every day. Not constantly but every day without fail. I barely talk to any other friends as really I only want to talk to him. That sounds crazy and obsessive I know. It's not the way I mean it though, but there was a time when he showed me understanding that not another soul offered and I find it hard to be honest with other friends.

Honestly I feel like such a loser! I should just get over it but I am so, so sad about it!

mightn't you try and patch things up with your former friend?
 
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bluebell24

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Messages
106
Afraid not ... he wants nothing more to do with me. He tried to end it in a decent way but I couldn't let go. Ended up with him being forced into asking me not to harass him, making it clear he can't/doesn't care about my wellbeing and describing me as an stalker. Not good.

He knew I was ill but even I didn't know quite how bad it would get; depressive psychosis, severe mixed states, suicide ideation. I kept trying to convince myself and him that I was okay and I don't think that helped either.

I was a bad friend to him, I don't blame him for wanting rid. Sadly though it doesn't change how I feel and I am trying really hard to get better & stay that way but this situation gets me down repeatedly.

Crazy people do crazy things I guess and once it's done, well, it sucks.
 
trombone_babe

trombone_babe

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Jul 15, 2009
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Hang in there hun, you know that I know what it's like. I agree, it sucks. I think it helps if you can develop close friendships elsewhere. I'm really sorry you're having such a bad time over this. All I can say is that if he was a friend worth hanging on to he would have understood, or at least tried to understand, your situation.

Have a hug from me.:hug:
 
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bluebell24

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Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
Thanks trombone babe, hug much appreciated!

I know where you're coming from re: people sticking around bur honestly, I really didn't deserve him to - I really was such a crappy friend at times and that's putting it mildly. And hindsight being such a joy of course ; )

I'm figuring it's going to take a really long time to forgive myself for this mess, and to be honest I'm really not keen on making any other close friendships for a while either. Need to be confident in my own stability apart from anything else.

Goddamn messy head ruining friendships. Yeah, really does suck!! That's about the best way I can articulate it at the mo : )
 
iffybob

iffybob

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Time

I have a friend who I upset, and it was over 2 years I think before she realy wanted to speek to me, we still talk now.

Just even if you do start comunicating that your relationship will never be what it was before, it will be different.......
 
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rasselas

Guest
He knew I was ill but even I didn't know quite how bad it would get; depressive psychosis, severe mixed states, suicide ideation.
I wouldn't keep beating yourself up over this. It's all done and dusted and off you go down that windy road. I think there'll be many, many people on here that can relate to your loss. Each episode involves some form of loss - some of them can be unbearable and cut deep.

You've learnt from this clearly and hopefully won't repeat your mistakes. And if you do? Well, it's best foot forward again down that windy road.

Be cautious though - because as you progress forwards, if you keep looking back too much you're likely to bang your head and stub your toes and fall into avoidable holes... :)
 
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bluebell24

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Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
Thanks Mark, sound advice that I will try to heed.

I'll be hoping to give holes a wide berth in future : )
 
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