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how i feel on the ex thats re-entered my life

R

reese34

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Oct 8, 2016
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396
The ex that's re-entered my life again, I will be naturally worried , scared, how far it will go this time, but its something I want to find out, other wise may have regrets, its also because me and her have been through a lot. I am happy, and do feel possitve, yet because have a lot on my mind, that's also undertstandable.

Ok if, this ex whos re-entered is only for me to get the answers then ok, if goes more that's ok, I can and will only take a day at a time to whats meant to be!!

I wanted hope,and have it. that's why I am going to take it!!

like everyone else if only we had a cystal ball, then we could see how far things will turn out ect, but then if we knew what if it wasn't the ending you would have liked and with someone you wish it wasn't ect? that's why we find out a long the way in our journey, to learn to deal with things, good, bad, the ugly ect.

It gives us, our life lessons to learn from.

and because its been 3 years, I don't know what to expect, all I hope is that she is one person in my life I hope if we don't get this far this time, I hope we keep crossing each other paths in life!! I cant explain how she makes me feel not enough words, for me my door will always be open!! until the day I get old!! maybe my heart is meant for her. maybe time will only tell!!


TW, do you have anyone who you would want in your life, who you hope to try again with? who you would also keep the door open for?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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17,161
No one.

because I have BPD once the trust is broken, its gone. Forever, irretrievably.

Glad you have what you wanted though.

:)
 
R

reese34

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Oct 8, 2016
Messages
396
I have border line as well. how do you find it? for you what was it that changed your world? when I spoke to a mental health nurse she said for me it was when my birth mum left me that's when my world changed, a long a side lot of other things.

Thank you for your post! how are you feeling today?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Messages
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I have border line as well. how do you find it? for you what was it that changed your world? when I spoke to a mental health nurse she said for me it was when my birth mum left me that's when my world changed, a long a side lot of other things.

Thank you for your post! how are you feeling today?
aw thanks for asking Reese

I feel absolutely fucking awful tbh.

Full BPD flip, because I was assaulted again in the weekend and have to go to court for a Restraining Order tomorrow.

absolutely NO ONE is supporting me but police.

so yeah, I'm fully triggered which is what I refer to it

my frontal lobes check out and I'm Fight or Flight, in a state of Panic and Self Hatred that most people simply could not believe

unless of course they have BPD

:(

but I cope because I know in 5 minutes I will be laughing at something on YouTube and that's enough to shatter my down, at least temporarily.

I was beaten and abused all my life by my mother and two brothers. Dad was never home but fortunately he loved me but an alchy so incapable of helping me.

the abuse also affected my immune system so I tend to fall over with sudden shocking inexplicable illnesses that are just as quickly resolved.

I find it Fucking Awful tbh but reading these pages makes me aware of Just How Much Worse It Could Be; some of these poor souls really really really suffer

I can still get up get dressed and (mostly) leave the house. Although I have been very unwell at times and haven't been able to.

they put me on Zoloft and I got SSRI overload which nearly killed me earlier this year so now I take no meds at all except the odd valium for days like tomorrow (court).
 
R

reese34

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Messages
396
I'm really sorry about what you are going though!! I shall be thinking of you tomorrow!! keep strong!! you have all of us to help keep you going!!
 
R

reese34

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Oct 8, 2016
Messages
396
also can agree anything can trigger us off? one min can be happy the next can be sad, then grrr.... angry!! all in a short space of time!!
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
I'm really sorry about what you are going though!! I shall be thinking of you tomorrow!! keep strong!! you have all of us to help keep you going!!
aw thanks; itll be fine.

I'm actually looking forward to it. Overdue (y)
 
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