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How I experience Depression/Anxiety and coping mechanisms to help.

TylersOutlet24

TylersOutlet24

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
8
Location
UK
Hello.

I have been experiencing permanent depression/anxiety for 4/5 years now, in that time I have lived with most off, if not all the symptoms of this terrible condition. In that time, I have developed a visual/emotional representation of what..
  • A - it looks like.
  • B - it feels like.
  • C - how it affects me daily, as well as working etc.
What my depression/anxiety looks like - A grey and foggy dull cloud full of self dampening words and thoughts suppressing every emotion and feeling, to where you cant even think straight or talk properly. A grey, paralysing, poisonous smoke which when given the opportunity to worsen my state, creeps in like a rat, asserting itself by seeping into every joint, hole and crevice of my whole being. It carries with it a mind and body crushing, implement which likes to strike at every function of me - giving no respite. Nor capacity to allow normal brain thoughts outside its realm of despair. Once its clung onto me in a bad moment and seized its chance, Im on a on-going carousel of misery and suppression warped and caught inside its unforgiving clutches.

It's hard to visually describe it, but this is an accurate depiction of what it LOOKS like for me. I have described it in this detail for my own and other people to hopefully relate too. Tell me how you experience it?

Therapist has challenge me to see if I can change how I see it visually, and see it as just a thorn in my side which I need to work with. Rather than the latter, a zombie overtaking my whole being. I am going to try this.

What my depression/anxiety feels like


It feels like a constant and scary feeling of downplayed emotion. It is like your seeing everything through Ash grey tinted spectacles. A seemingly endless flow of negative feelings and emotions in a stream arriving at your conscious being of thought, a roundabout you cant get off, , made to suffer, made to overthink, made to not experience any joy. Feels like impending doom is just around the corner.

  • Feel like suicide (even though you know you wont!)
  • Feeling hopelessness
  • Feeling of constant low mood
  • Makes me feel tired
  • Shaking-trembling
  • Slurred speech
  • Panic
  • Sweating profusely
  • Jelly legs
  • Itchy skin
  • High blood pressure
  • Heart racing
  • In constant fight or flight mode
  • Constantly questioning yourself and ability, am I good enough?!
  • Concentration problems (problem at work especially! - making mistakes).
  • Over eating (in my case).
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Racing mind (e.g -ping pong ball)
  • Social anxiety
All in all, it is crippling.

How it affects me daily

Starting off first thing (Morning)
- as soon as I open my eyes, it kicks in. I feel my A/D working its way around my body to my hands, feet, and mouth. Shaking and trembling is generally first thing I notice physically, worry and fear next, as well as no positive emotions, just a blockade of grey cloud of negativity, worry and self doubt.

Speaking to people (work role is quite sociable) - Often lose my train of thought as I am not focused on job, am focused on my anxiety depression and how it could look to other person. Im so depressed and anxious inside I cant possibly concentrate on anything. I have too much fight or flight anxious adrenaline I need to run a mile to exert it, the A/D comes out in my voice as I stutter and can be indecisive.

Forgetting things and making mistakes - Forgetting important bits of information at work (general) because Im too caught up in how I am feeling to focus on anything else, even though I try to!

Anxiety/depression - causes me to have a voice in my head saying "Are you sure?", "Better check that again", "I would ask someone about that" even though I may have done a particular task 50 times correct!

Articulating ideas and thoughts to friends - Because of A/D my mind is not clear enough to talk about myself clearly without stuttering or just forgetting a fact or a piece of information for what I am talking about. Its easier to just keep quiet and listen to others.

When its a bad day its a terrible day - one small thing can happen which starts a never stopping onslaught of other things to kick in like my bad anxiety/depression - seizes its moment.

Anxiety/Depression never leave.

Coping mechanism's/ Self help advice I have found and use

Splash your face with cold water -
for me, I always used this as a temperature thing. I have found though, it actually helps to reset you - physically, the cold water gives me a calming effect, cools me down, allows me to think clearer.

Chamomile Tea - I drink a cup in the morning and at night, its known for its calming effect. It reduces my morning anxiety and at night it sends me to sleep. Reduces my trembling. Double whammy positive:)

Early morning exercise and in general - If i did hard exercise before work I find it helps to funnel the A/D energy into a positive thing. Leaves me feeling more focused, positive and clear headed from the workout.

Talk to people (getting a therapist) - Has allowed me to seek professional help from someone with expertise in the field and is able to really help you, they have the techniques too.


Still in the well but hoping to see some light soon

Fighting this everyday to overcome it. Trying to think positive and help myself, there is no magic cure. Willing to put in all effort to beat this thing.

Anybody like to contact me regarding my experience? Feel free.

Also, if you have any other coping techniques please share.

Kind regards, Thanks for reading
 

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Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,551
Location
England
I am glad you have found a way to get through it. It is a very long time and sadly, i know just how you feel. I've tried everything, but i prefer to look at it as i am alive and there is so much to experience in the world. Even when we are depressed we can still experience what life is about, even if it is just learning to cook or bake during times when we feel a bit better.

I feel better in the evenings so get more done then.

Thanks for posting that. It has made me feel less alone.
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
134
Location
Netherlands
For your depression you could try psilocybin treatment, ketamine infusion, TMS (non-invasive magnetic pulses) and/ or ECT (last resort usually). I myself have just started doing 3 rounds of Wim Hof Breathing in the morning and the evening followed by mantra meditation (try to focus all your attention on a mantra you repeat in your head, this is a word without meaning, mine is Shamah, and there is of course the infamous om) for 10-20 minutes. I'm still seeing if it has any effect.

 
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