How have partners been with your depression?

[raspberry]

Hi kids,

Just wanted to have some idea of how your partners have been/reacted/coped with your depression.

i find it very difficult to communicate with mine and feel like im constantly repeating myself cos he doesnt seem to listen or understand it.

i know it must be difficult to understand and i must be a very difficult situation to be im and i do sympathise, but i cant help thinking my partner should understand it by now.

ive written down i feel to my partner, spoken to him about it alot, which he read but i dont know i just feel that the emotional support isnt really there and just wanted an idea of how your had been.

 

[rollinat]

My OH has been great, very supportive, though I do feel guilty about the effect I've had on his life as he is now struggling a bit with stress. I feel very lucky that he has been so understanding. Some good friends and other family members have found it more difficult to understand and accept, but I have found support in some surprising places.

 

[Lozzi_1004]

My boyfriend is amazing when i'm depressed and like rollinat I feel guilty as sin after he's had to deal with me because it's unnecessary stress for him - but he says he's lucky I'm his girl and so would do anything for me. He does repeat himself over and over again with me and it mustget boring for him though.
When I'm down as well, friend I haven't spoken to in years are suddenly offering advice (as well as close friends) but you'd be suprised who sticks with and is the most supportive

Lozzi

 

[raspberry]

thanks for the comments.

yes, ive found that too that others have offered a wide range of advice from doing yoga to eating carrots. not sure about the carrot theory but you never know!

if im very low my other half thinks im being grumpy and despite constant explanations still thinks this. i guess it must be hard to understand what its really like unless youve been through it. i dont know what else i can do to get him to understand what im going through.

 

[James Buchanan]

Mine is the best I honestly couldn't ask for more from her! Friends have been great aswell. My family just exacarbate things. Sometimes I feel a bit bad so I keep some stuff to myself, get scared I'll push her away and so on.

 

[jamesdean]

do u know once i had this partner n i bothered 2 write a letter explaing my health conditions in detail esp: mh n he abused my good nature n told every1 in r local pub n the abuse i recieved was so difficult 2 deal with @ that time.but dont take this has good advice your thread made me think about my life has now moved from that occasion. take care raspberry x jd/COLOR]

 

[raccoon]

My first marriage actually failed due in part to my depression and lack of a sex life... a direct side effect of my meds.

Then another long term relationship, which was abusive ended when the boyfriend at the time resorted to hitting me. Long story, but not a good reaction!

My current marriage actually failed. But not due to the depression. This time because things really didn't work out. STRANGELY though, my second husband and I are perfectly capable of living together as housemates. He is unwell too with constant back pain. We get on very well now. He never pressures me to go out, or do anything energetic... in fact he's EXTREMELY laid back about the way I live in order to cope with my agoraphobia, insomnia and depression/anxiety. (Yes I never know which forum to post in!) We also try to help each other out if we're up to it, and one of us can't do something on their own.

So that's basically how stuff worked out. Still unwell, but having such a good friend, because that's what he is now, really helps me to stay sane.

 

[jamesdean]

sounds good raccoon sex is over rated any way my oh is my soul m8.

 

[raspberry]

thanks for the comments and thoughts everyone. jamesdean i cannot believe someone would do that and just tell everyone about it. thats awful. glad to hear things are good with your current partner.

im just debating whether it would be better to get well on my own in a stable environment and i dont feel that my partner is providing me with a stable enough environment.

 

[jamesdean]

i guess thats a difficult 1raspberry, its a big decision 2 make i was always told never do anything in haste, jd x

 

[Dollit]

I split up with my partner after 13 years together. It took me three years to make up my mind to split with him and I finally did. Within weeks of the split I went into remission - only lasted 10 weeks but it was 10 perfect weeks of stability. One of my colleagues had been off sick and when he came back he said it was like meeting a different me. I'm no longer in remission but still stable and put it down to fact that I'm no longer with him.

When I discussed the relationship with my consultant we both agreed that it was actually a very controlling attitude he had towards me but it masqueraded as care.

The next one will be different - actually there may already be one and he is so kind!

 

[raccoon]

Jamesdean: lolz, yes it is in my experience. I'd rather have closeness and friendship any day.

btw, I think what that particular partner did to you about the letter you wrote was crass, heartless and immature. Nobody deserves that, and I'm glad your present OH is someone who sounds like they really care for you