• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

How far should one go with Disengaging?

Dayzee7

Dayzee7

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
13
Location
USA
I had a traumatic childhood, it was not always bad… but I went through a lot that shaped my mental physique and who I am today.

I never had a strong bond with my mother; I was raised by my father and tossed around the family at times when they could not be present. My mother was always working, or taking care of another sibling that was in need and my father struggled with Bipolar and Schizophrenia.

I’ve struggled with forming bonds as each person I get close to it seems always goes south… whether it’s something they did or I did!

Fortunate for me I did not inherit dad’s mental disorders but was diagnosed in late 2006 with Major Depression and Severe Anxiety.

At an early age, I began working and when I turned 18 and could take on full time hours I began working double time and was rarely home. I did not really learn how to filter my emotions or help them instead I learned how to avoid them and dodge things like the plague that it was.

Today I am married to a man who has children from previous relationship and have recently added my own Biological child that I was told at a point in time I could never have.

Any who… today I am home for the first time in years full time.. I am juggling the joy and woes of motherhood and being a wife and homemaker. It has been a struggle, but I truly enjoy my role.

There is always the negative side of things. Whether it is dealing with a Toxic Bio-Mom to the stepchildren and the issues that come along with them or dealing with the issues in my immediate and extended families.

In previous forums, I got advice to step back and focus on myself and my children at home and to let my DH deal with his family and their issues with me..

It was great advice… things become easier, I wasn’t always worried about who I would wake up and offend today!

I deleted my social media accounts, so that no one could message or comment on things I had posted or a picture I had shared. It has been true bliss.

As everyone knows holidays are right around the corner and I now want to begin traditions at home with my children and our family.

I don’t want to go through the hustle and bustle of going to a handful of different places, getting the kids back and forth in the cold and taking time away from the SK’s with my DH, as our time with them is limited.

So apparently, I have also started war with my immediate family for disengaging.
It seems that no one is happy with any of my decisions. They seem to take them personally…
Are my emotions out of control? Or am I just doing what is right for my family?

Why take time out of my day and time away from my children to spend an hour if that with a family… that for 364 days out of the year seems to not want much of anything to do with me?

Forgive for the length, just like all the different emotions going on in my head… so is my life! EEK!
 
Lola1988

Lola1988

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
21
Location
Manchester
@Dayzee7 I completely get were you are coming from ive also had this in the past although i doubt i will have the same challenges this year as my mother has completely shut me off and is niggling her way through turning others against me ... its hard i know but you have to do whats best for you and your family. Its easy for people to point the finger and assume that its you thats the problem there is nothing wrong with having christmas in your own home with your children and if they want to see you they know were you live or could always call on the day or visit the day/s before ... i myself have felt like this at times like christmas is view by appointment and its kinda ruined do what makes you happy and make lovely memories with your children ☺️
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
890
Location
Uk
Your emotions are not out of control, no.
My rule with the kids was that christmas is spent at home. Boxing day is the day to do the visits, if we did them.
My family would pop over for half an hour to an hour, and that would be that.

Christmas is meant to be enjoyable and it's not enjoyable if you're having to do what others want to keep them happy. Do what's right for you and your family.
 

Similar threads

D
Replies
1
Views
47
Frankum35
F
B
Replies
3
Views
202
A
B
Replies
8
Views
687
AnotherBrickWall
A
Top