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how far i've come

N

night-owl

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2018
Messages
2
I was going through my notes and I found this(read below). It is something I wrote a long time ago. I had started writing when my depression had gotten very bad, I was at the bottom of the abyss trying to reach up and climb my way out. It had taken me a while to finish it since I was nowhere near being happy, so for awhile it had no ending. but then I got better and was able to write an ending. A year after finishing this I had relapsed into depression. I found myself standing on a very thin line between living and wanting to die. I thought I would never make it back from the darkness because this time the darkness took control of everything in my life. my thoughts were - I am lost, I am done, I am gone, I am dead on the inside so why not make myself dead on the outside too. but once again my sister pushed me to see a therapist. and I went, now fast forward to 8 months later I am in a good place again, 8 months is the longest I have ever been without depression dragging me down. I hope that this time I wont relapse again because I'm afraid that if those monsters come back, next time I might not be able to find my way back. but I know that as long as my sister (my best friend) is around I will always have an anchor to keep me from doing something that cannot be undone. if you have depression and you don't have someone close to you that is your anchor, then I say please reach out and get some help, go see a therapist because it helps, it works. it might take time but do not give up, have hope because it does get better.
Also sometimes when I feel sad I listen to Avril Lavigne's - Head Above Water. It is a powerful song she wrote during her struggle with lyme disease, she was in a dark place. For her it was God that kept her head above water to keep her from drowning. The lyrics are amazing. As for me like I said my sister is my anchor she is the one that helped me keep my head above water.
That is all for now. I do hope that if I post again on this forum, it will not be because of a relapse but because I'll have been depression free for longer.


Poem-ish thing that I wrote doesn't really have a title but here it is:

I fought and I fought to get myself free
Free from the demons that live inside me
They lie dormant during the day
At night they come out to play

I lie awake in my bed
Horrifying thoughts in my head
Losing myself in the darkness
My mind a complete and jumbled mess

For years I was fighting
Then I woke up one morning
Felt like the demons were gone
No more being withdrawn

they suddenly came back with no warning
And now they are stronger than before
I have no idea what I should do
I’m lost at the bottom of the abyss

Once again, five years later
I’m doing so much better
I have taken back my life
The monsters no longer attack

Yet I still fear that a day will come where the monsters will rise again
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,850
Hey, nice story and powerful thoughts really sum up how it can. I hope you take strength from the fact that you were there and pulled there to the other side.
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