• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

How does everyone else cope with ruminating?

L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
Hi I just cannot stop ruminating over past events where I have made a big mistake. I feel like I'm getting very unwell due to this as I know at some point I'm going to have to face these people (my partners family ) who I actually haven't seen or spoken to for years . There's no solution I can find and I've really thought about this . Any advice on how to calm my mind ? I'm on meds and due to start counselling in January. Thanks x
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
8,119
Location
Canada
I find it's worse when tired. Thoughts are calmer for me after I've had a proper sleep/nap.
 
S

SGS

Former member
I only have my memories, shards of them - my mind is like the ruins of Rome, the future a black wall and impenetrable fog. Ruminating? I could write the book.
 
Bluejay7500

Bluejay7500

Former member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
7,217
Location
planet earth
There’s really nothing you can do but let these thoughts cross your mind and have them become something different overtime. The way that I tried to stop the ruminating thoughts was to come up with a positive type of situation in my mind I would think of all the accomplishments that I’ve had over the past five years my sobriety, my insight into mental health, and my newly formed relationships. And would crash them down on my negative thoughts. You really just have to wait it out and create some type of positive image that you can turn back to you. I know when I thought of these thoughts of negative things that I have done to myself or that have been done to me that I still think I did to myself (haha)I would snap a black rubber band on my wrist (my hair tie) and it would bring me back into reality. Overtime some of the memories ended up going away while others seem to take hold a lot worse. Like I said it’s a waiting game within your mind and body, being strong and calm have helped me, as well as creating new memories that are more positive.
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,317
Location
Down-under
Hi I just cannot stop ruminating over past events where I have made a big mistake. I feel like I'm getting very unwell due to this as I know at some point I'm going to have to face these people (my partners family ) who I actually haven't seen or spoken to for years . There's no solution I can find and I've really thought about this . Any advice on how to calm my mind ? I'm on meds and due to start counselling in January. Thanks x
Hi Lewis and welcome to the forum :)

My ruminating 'did' send me mad; a total breakdown unfortunately so I'm pretty familiar with approaching this issue.

Forgiving yourself and accepting you aren't perfect is a good start. We all make mistakes which we later on realise are our greatest lessons in life. As well, asking too many 'what-ifs' only serves to take you deeper into the abyss I'm afraid. Dealing with daily activities (hands on especially) as they arise will be beneficial.

Focusing on the present, (looking around at your immediate environment, smelling, listening in the now) will bring you out of any funk you're creating in your head. Practice this as much as possible until it becomes a habit. Try to catch yourself doing it and say out loud - "No!" or "Step back" and actually take a step backwards taking deep breaths while focusing on the room.

You cannot change the past; only change 'you' to ensure you don't make the same mistakes again. And even if you do, that's ok too. We're only human! Accept, forgive and move on...

Each stage of your growth will bring calmer experiences. Practice new communication skills with family/friends who you trust. This is a learning process just like maths - addition leads to subtraction, division and multiplication. You must master one before mastering others.
Take care;
Liz
 
L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
I only have my memories, shards of them - my mind is like the ruins of Rome, the future a black wall and impenetrable fog. Ruminating? I could write the book.
Hi Lewis and welcome to the forum :)

My ruminating 'did' send me mad; a total breakdown unfortunately so I'm pretty familiar with approaching this issue.

Forgiving yourself and accepting you aren't perfect is a good start. We all make mistakes which we later on realise are our greatest lessons in life. As well, asking too many 'what-ifs' only serves to take you deeper into the abyss I'm afraid. Dealing with daily activities (hands on especially) as they arise will be beneficial.

Focusing on the present, (looking around at your immediate environment, smelling, listening in the now) will bring you out of any funk you're creating in your head. Practice this as much as possible until it becomes a habit. Try to catch yourself doing it and say out loud - "No!" or "Step back" and actually take a step backwards taking deep breaths while focusing on the room.

You cannot change the past; only change 'you' to ensure you don't make the same mistakes again. And even if you do, that's ok too. We're only human! Accept, forgive and move on...

Each stage of your growth will bring calmer experiences. Practice new communication skills with family/friends who you trust. This is a learning process just like maths - addition leads to subtraction, division and multiplication. You must master one before mastering others.
Take care;
Liz
Thank you so much for your reply, and your advice, everything you wrote makes a lot of sense. I've had this on and off all my life but now at 53 it's time to try and help myself. X
 
L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
There’s really nothing you can do but let these thoughts cross your mind and have them become something different overtime. The way that I tried to stop the ruminating thoughts was to come up with a positive type of situation in my mind I would think of all the accomplishments that I’ve had over the past five years my sobriety, my insight into mental health, and my newly formed relationships. And would crash them down on my negative thoughts. You really just have to wait it out and create some type of positive image that you can turn back to you. I know when I thought of these thoughts of negative things that I have done to myself or that have been done to me that I still think I did to myself (haha)I would snap a black rubber band on my wrist (my hair tie) and it would bring me back into reality. Overtime some of the memories ended up going away while others seem to take hold a lot worse. Like I said it’s a waiting game within your mind and body, being strong and calm have helped me, as well as creating new memories that are more positive.
Thank you so much x
 
B

basil and oregano

Former member
Joined
Nov 9, 2021
Messages
692
Location
Athens, Greece
Solid advice in here. I often get locked in a memory cycle which gets intense the more I'm into it, I feel such shame that I have to shout things out loud in order to snap out of it. I don't consider that to be a good thing but it's a way of coping, at least.

I think, the most important thing is to find solace and warmth in the people you love - kind of like a distressed child looking for the safety of their mother's embrace. Feeling accepted, feeling loved, is a very strong suit against rumination, as it allows for your soul to digest the reality that "It's ok. It's all ok."

Only recently have I found some support in my life and I'm beginning to feel different. So, I think it can help you a lot.
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,317
Location
Down-under
Thank you so much for your reply, and your advice, everything you wrote makes a lot of sense. I've had this on and off all my life but now at 53 it's time to try and help myself. X
I'm so glad it was helpful Lewis

The thing is, it's not our fault. We've spent a lifetime training our brains to repeat dysfunctional behaviour over and over, so retraining it to perform in better ways is the only way back.

You've got this my friend!
:peace: Hugz...
 
L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
Solid advice in here. I often get locked in a memory cycle which gets intense the more I'm into it, I feel such shame that I have to shout things out loud in order to snap out of it. I don't consider that to be a good thing but it's a way of coping, at least.

I think, the most important thing is to find solace and warmth in the people you love - kind of like a distressed child looking for the safety of their mother's embrace. Feeling accepted, feeling loved, is a very strong suit against rumination, as it allows for your soul to digest the reality that "It's ok. It's all ok."

Only recently have I found some support in my life and I'm beginning to feel different. So, I think it can help you a lot.
I honestly can't believe how lovely everyone is on here . You all give such good advice and I so appreciate it . Thank you for replying x
 
L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
I'm so glad it was helpful Lewis

The thing is, it's not our fault. We've spent a lifetime training our brains to repeat dysfunctional behaviour over and over, so retraining it to perform in better ways is the only way back.

You've got this my friend!
:peace: Hugz...
❤ x
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,317
Location
Down-under
Solid advice in here. I often get locked in a memory cycle which gets intense the more I'm into it, I feel such shame that I have to shout things out loud in order to snap out of it. I don't consider that to be a good thing but it's a way of coping, at least.

I think, the most important thing is to find solace and warmth in the people you love - kind of like a distressed child looking for the safety of their mother's embrace. Feeling accepted, feeling loved, is a very strong suit against rumination, as it allows for your soul to digest the reality that "It's ok. It's all ok."

Only recently have I found some support in my life and I'm beginning to feel different. So, I think it can help you a lot.
Nice post :)

I know this might sound a little 'thingy', but have you tried hugging yourself? I used to imagine I was holding myself as a baby which in the beginning was very emotional. However, once I got back into my adult self, hugging myself that way brought comfort and self love; the kind we give our children.
xo
 
losingme1989

losingme1989

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
12,828
Location
England
I find it really difficult to cope with, probably doesn't help that most of the time I feel unloved & feel like I'm juggling stuff constantly in my life that I don't want to be... 🙄
 
L

Lewis21

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
102
Location
U.K
Nice post :)

I know this might sound a little 'thingy', but have you tried hugging yourself? I used to imagine I was holding myself as a baby which in the beginning was very emotional. However, once I got back into my adult self, hugging myself that way brought comfort and self love; the kind we give our children.
xo
That's actually a good idea . I spend a lot of time alone , as much as I don't mind when feeling healthy when I'm not it's hell . I'm definitely gonna try that thanks 😊
 
Top