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how does bipolar 1 affect you?

H

hipchick

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Feb 24, 2020
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36
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nz
At the moment I'm at the stage that I'm withdrawing myself from people. I've stopped caring about my appearance, have lost my confidence and the weight gain due to the meds is getting me down. I like this forum because I feel I don't want to burden my family and friends about my illness. Honestly I think people have their own issues and don't want to know about mine.

It's difficult when you as a person loses part of your personality, like I'm usually really outgoing and now I'm very introverted, I find it ok if I have visitors in my home though.

What do you do to help you feel more like yourself? I haven't had a major episode yet I just caught it at the early warning sign stage but I wonder if this will progress or since I'm staying on meds they will prevent an episode Beginning
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

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Mar 2, 2020
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So, have you had a manic episode yet? Just wondering because to me you sound a little like I do when entering my depressive episodes.

It's great that meds might be working for you. I have been on many over the years but never had any real improvement or balance. In fact, many of them made my symptoms worse so I've been managing mine by myself mostly. I have a lot of help from my ole man and my doctor. It's a real struggle sometimes but I haven't been hospitalized for damn near 20 years. I wouldn't recommend no meds but I really don't have a choice. When I feel like I'm getting dark, I do take Deplin daily but it's a supplement. It doesn't stop the depressive phase but after a few days of taking it, I don't seem to sink much further down.

Yesterday morn, I got a whiff of fresh air because it was like 40 degrees out. I felt like a switch went off inside me. My brain then said "Annnnnd we're off to the RACES"...
I've been up ever since. I'm trying so hard to just not get to that ultimate high.
When I start to feel like this, I read about mania. I read all that I can because I need to remind myself that what I am going through is part of my illness. I also go on a forum like this one. I listen to who I call "my guys", Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Das and who ever else's voice makes sense to me at the time. If I can hold onto their words at all, it helps a bit. I also reach out to my man or a few friends who are like me. Whatever works and however long I need to.

During a depressive phase, I try those same things but they seem harder. I sometimes can't get out of bed for days. I can't shower, eat or anything. Dehydration is a thing I battle constantly. I can't stress how much worse I feel without water. There's a litany of shit they suggest a person to do to help themselves but if a person can't function, those things are impossible. If I could actually get up, I would do all of them and then I could be ok. ๐Ÿ˜ณ.

I am a total recluse now for like the past 6 years. I know how easy it is to feel like you need to keep yourself separate from others. When I'm down, I feel like a burden and nobody should have to deal with me. When I'm up, I feel like a monster that needs to be locked away from people so they don't have to deal with me. Both those are lies that my brain tells me because I am ill. At the time, those lies are true to me though.
I'm not exactly sure what you've experienced but the real truth is that you don't have to hide. None of us do. It might feel like we do but we all deserve to walk in the sun. Although I suffer and it sucks so bad, I just keep telling myself that I'm a different type of human, no better or worse, just different. Hey, it takes all kinds of veggies to make a salad...
 
H

hipchick

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Feb 24, 2020
Messages
36
Location
nz
I have had a manic episode in the past around six years ago, but this time I feel it is a depressive one. But they caught me early and I'm on two mood stabilizers.

You actually should like a fascinating person. One thing I realise and like to remind myself, is that I am not my illness. I'm a person, that deserves respect and my illness is something separate from my identity.

I really appreciate you answering my post. I think you are doing amazing, trying to manage
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

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Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
62
Location
USA
I have had a manic episode in the past around six years ago, but this time I feel it is a depressive one. But they caught me early and I'm on two mood stabilizers.

You actually should like a fascinating person. One thing I realise and like to remind myself, is that I am not my illness. I'm a person, that deserves respect and my illness is something separate from my identity.

I really appreciate you answering my post. I think you are doing amazing, trying to manage
Awwww thanks! Kind words help for sure. That's accurate, we are not our illness and I do know it. I see someone I relate to and I open the big mouth. Whatever comes out, comes out. Always way too much to even try to make sense of it. So far I am digging the energy here. Reaching out and helping actually helps me in a big way! Your reply made me feel kind of amazing. Thank you!!!
The depressive episodes are pretty hard core for me and I've been doing time in them for about 18 yrs now, 10 yrs with no meds so if anything about my story, might help you or anyone, please reach out and slap me! Lol. ๐Ÿ˜† Remember this, nothing is permanent!
 
H

hipchick

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Feb 24, 2020
Messages
36
Location
nz
Awwww thanks! Kind words help for sure. That's accurate, we are not our illness and I do know it. I see someone I relate to and I open the big mouth. Whatever comes out, comes out. Always way too much to even try to make sense of it. So far I am digging the energy here. Reaching out and helping actually helps me in a big way! Your reply made me feel kind of amazing. Thank you!!!
The depressive episodes are pretty hard core for me and I've been doing time in them for about 18 yrs now, 10 yrs with no meds so if anything about my story, might help you or anyone, please reach out and slap me! Lol. ๐Ÿ˜† Remember this, nothing is permanent!
You are welcome! You are doing great. I believe this place is an amazing support because I choose not to discuss this with family and friends because it's quite frightening for them, especially not taking to my husband about it. It's so amazing to find people that experience similar things and you can find the support you need from people that don't even know you! I'm inspired by you. I lived three years without meds, but I recently had a baby, and the big ol bipolar started to rear it's ugly head again. You made me giggle when I read your post, we are the most creative, amazing people, we are all unique but understand each other in the most wonderful way
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

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Messages
62
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USA
creative is the understatement of the century. Lol. I just go do things. It's freakin magic. Most of us are like wizards even! And yes I have been known to have a delusion or two along the way. Thank you very much! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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Feb 26, 2020
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Location
Illinois
I've been mixed lately and yeah losing touch with caring about my appearance to suddenly it's the most important thing. My husband and I are low on cash and his aunt and uncle bought a fridge and microwave for us. We're living on borrowed money, im 31 and I don't like to be babied. I danced for yearscand supported myself. I married my husband who told me to quit. Now we're broke because his gambling and quitting jobs. I blew up in his aunt's face today for her husband telling me to control the dog after i got out the shower while he hooked it up. I didn't ask you to come to my house and give me a damn fridge. Yea ungrateful because I hate pitty. His aunt was telling me its because we need it we need to get on our feet. But its too much help sometimes. Sorry I got off topic, they were selfritious today and I don't appreciate it and have them demand respect, I want them the f*** out. I let his aunt know it too. He's on drugs and gambling, your enabling him lady. They don't do it for me but him Im sure. But he's my husband and it's my home too.
 
H

hipchick

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nz
I can appreciate how difficult this situation is for you. I also dislike feeling like I owe someone something. It's almost like you are indebted to them for buying those things. I also know how you feel when it comes to having no money, I'm in that boat too. You sound angry, I hope I haven't misread that. What can one do to help your situation? It's tough on you I'm certain
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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Illinois
I get what you mean. But yeah lots of anger.
 
Julzeebub

Julzeebub

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Messages
62
Location
USA
Wandering2 and Hipchick, I feel the same way.
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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182
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Illinois
Atleast when we have good days sometimes they are more epic than the average person๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคช. Sometimes I notice with mental illness we can be too insightful or philosophical ๐Ÿง. We're quirky if you wanna reframe it positively ๐Ÿค”
 
Wandering2

Wandering2

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Messages
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Too many good ideas, that go unfinished, but oh well I say. I guess I'll try until I lose count which I have. There's really no time frame on will I get better? It's a matter of when and how we manage ourselves when we do ๐Ÿ˜“ so damn hard though, from needing to break things and tell people off to listening to my favorite song crying in my wedding dress, or shopping with a smile on my face trying to help strangers pick things out ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ
 
H

hipchick

Active member
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
Messages
36
Location
nz
Too many good ideas, that go unfinished, but oh well I say. I guess I'll try until I lose count which I have. There's really no time frame on will I get better? It's a matter of when and how we manage ourselves when we do ๐Ÿ˜“ so damn hard though, from needing to break things and tell people off to listening to my favorite song crying in my wedding dress, or shopping with a smile on my face trying to help strangers pick things out ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ
You are a unique and beautiful person you can get through this
 
I

Italia2020

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Joined
Feb 19, 2020
Messages
550
Location
Usa
Iโ€™m trying to learn about bipolar since Iโ€™m not sure if I have it or not. My doctor says no. But Iโ€™m not sure I have very bad panic, anxiety, and some depression at all times. Does anyone know whatโ€™s a mixed episode. And what symptoms you get and how long it lasts for. Any help will be appreciated
 
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