How do you stop 'should-ing' yourself ?

[Greenbean99]

If you had the message growing up that you should be working harder, should achieve more, should be better and then you grow up in society that tells you you should have a job, a house, work harder, be better etc. How do you stop giving yourself these msgs? I'm so hard on myself about things I 'should' be doing, especially having a job etc. Even other people notice it. How do I stop doing it?

 

[bpd2020]

Perhaps by challenging the thoughts. Say you have a thought such as ' I should work harder'. Then counteract by something like ' I work as hard as I can and that is enough. These kind of thoughts are so ingrained into us and changing them can take time.

 

[Faith198]

I would just try and be proud of all you’ve already accomplished. It sucks society pushes us all to accomplish everything at once. Things take time, depending on a lot of factors. Be proud of where you’re at right now, don’t let the pressure make you feel you have to have all this stuff at once. It will come in no time. Be happy where you’re at in life right now

 

[Greenbean99]

It's hard though isn't in, when you don't believe in yourself? I'm constantly beating myself up for not achieving society's standards. I find it hard to challenge the thoughts because I don't really believe the challenges - I DO believe I should try harder, but I know that just makes me feel miserable. I don't really feel like I've achieved anything much.

 

[bpd2020]

It is very hard. I can relate to that. I have not achieved a single thing. I cannot work and have had little education. I am sad you feel you should try harder. You sound like you try very hard. You managed to go through dbt. To me that shows real strength.

 

[Greenbean99]

Aw, thank you. I'll try and focus on that.