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How do you raise up your self-esteem?

C

condor

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
13
I think this is very important for mental recovery. Once you become impervious to pessimistic voices by raising your self-esteem, you hardly ever relapse.

I find it hard to pinpoint exactly my tools for this. Playing cards and going for winning so many games against the computer helps to raise my self-esteem as it reasserts my humanity. However, I am sure this is little more than a third of all the things I subconsciously do. Perhaps shaving at the right moment and being in the mood is a catalyst for other factors

Solving chess problems used to help but this can turn into a dangerous game when your imagination fizzes out and the solver's block can be crushing to the ego. Finally, a dose of semi-rational superstition helps blot out the bad things you had to do each day

Knowing when to spell in your own idiosyncratic way could also be a key to unlocking other factors. Knowing exactly how to raise self-esteem is a one of the hardest things to pin down. What helps for you?
 
C

condor

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
13
The most risky way of raising self-esteem is to be more productive each day than the last. Perfect happiness can be hard to reproduce each day but it is also the best way of staying happy. It is hard to take a day off being productive as you have based your happiness on being more productive each day and taking a day off can make you feel like a failure because your body cannot pinpoint the reason for needing to take a rest.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Some may disagree with this but for me, I think the ONLY way to raise my self esteem (which was smashed out of me decades ago) will be to Help Others.

My therapist told me the reason I fell apart is because as a BPD (survivor of quite bad childhood abuse) I base my identity on other things, in my case my kids and my career.

Remove one of those props and the rest falls down.

Remove both and you're in serious trouble - which I am.

He said, "we've got to get you doing something constructive again, something you can be proud of.

And for Gods Sake get yourself something to look after!" so I adopted an old fat calico cat and just got 2 new kittens last weekend.

I'm really, really, really good at caring for things. It will hopefully be the basis of my recovery, somehow.
 
R

rochey1098

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Dec 3, 2015
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9
Self-esteem comes from the way that you view your worth to others ; however, you could be the most valuable person in the world but still see yourself and worthless and vice versa.

Part of self esteem is having value, part is seeing that value.

It really depends where you're at, for most people it's simply a case of deciding what they view to be a worthwhile value then attaining piece by piece over time. For others it may simply be a case of rejuvinating their ideas of thier current worth, perhaps just reminding themselves that what they currently do or who they are is of value.

As a side note self-esteem is quite close to pride when we feel it but I find pride to be fragile and situational
 
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T

THEWISEFARMER

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Dec 9, 2015
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Your ending thought of 'being really really good at taking care of things hopefully being the basis (somehow) of your recovery" struck a chord in me. It's sounds to me that you have been blessed with a GOOD therapist! It also turned my thoughts to the whole subject of the effects of "lack of care" (abuse) in childhood. Devastating. The parents who do this must have their own mental health problems, but knowing that is of no use or comfort to the child who is not being nurtured.

That being said, the "flavor" of your post gave me such a sense of HOPE for you and a feeling of confidence that you ARE on your way to recovery. When I was in therapy many years ago I recall my therapist telling me that it was important (essential) to GIVE YOURSELF the loving care and support that you didn't receive as a child. The lack of care is interpreted by the child as "not being worthy of care". I'm sure that feeling must cast a shadow over your whole life...and yet, you have not let it destroy you and you are fighting for recovery. YOU WILL MAKE IT, I feel sure of it. Then, your recovery to a healthy life will be a beacon for others who are fighting for their own well being. Bless you.
 
In the Clouds

In the Clouds

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Apr 22, 2015
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1,892
Location
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I was told by a counsellor to write down the things I liked about myself and focus on them. Or to think about what I want to be like/what I want to achieve, and then set small, doable goals to start that process. It's hard to get started as I thought 'what's the point, the reward won't be worth it' but it really is. I can do so much more now and I know I'm not a lousy person, even if my mind often tells me I am. I love myself enough to fight back against the thoughts.
 
nonotme

nonotme

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Jan 13, 2015
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1,522
I was told by a counsellor to write down the things I liked about myself
thats not easy; looks, shape and build is a zero

i disliek how my brain works


the only thing I do like is that I know I do my best got helping others, ok it might only be a quid for a cuppa tea for the local homeless lad but its something i can do and dosn't break the bank.

in relationships they are all shit right now, my daughter is not happy with me and told me some home truths, not nice to hear but they were true.

the fact, I smell, I don't wash up, I don't look after my home. is all true.


i'd love to be abetter person but i'm not, a failed human.
 
M

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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25,096
Self esteem.

What is that concept?
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Aug 18, 2013
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2,192
Location
East of England
I dunno MarlieeB...sometimes I think I have it, usually after a few beers, and then the next morning I seem to have lost it again :(
 
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