- Apr 17, 2015
After some experiences following some sudden deaths in my near family a couple of years ago I started thinking about death. My own death and maybe most importantly that of my family and loved ones. I'm so afraid. Literally over night I went from being a happy person to being depressed and with extreme anxiety. It has been 2 years now and this depression has destroyed my career and personality. I don't know who I am anymore. No matter how much I try, I just can't see the point. I keep asking myself how people can live happily when they know that everything is so temporary. I feel like I'm in a time machine and years feel like weeks. Some times I wish I was religious because it would make things so much easier to know that its not the end. But I'm not. I have spoken my GP and a psychologist about all of this a few times 6 months in to my depression, but for some reason when I had the chance I pretended that I was fine and had gotten over it. I am taking care of some one in my near family who is also depressed (I suspect some of mine may have come from trying to help them). So I have noone that I can openly talk to. I realise that I am not alone in having a depression but my mind keeps telling me that my depression is not cureable because my reason is death and the thought of everything being temporary. I mean what is the doctor going to do? Make me and my family imortal? I feel like an alien on earth when I see people smile and be happy. By now those emotions have become alien to me. I have thought about suicide alot and how and when I will do it. I am not going to do it while I still have relations with my family, but its the idea of doing it one day that keeps me going right now. Even if its decades from now. How do people live? Did anyone else here have a depression of this nature?