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How do you know things aren't 'right'?

T

Topcat

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I'm confused lately about something. If I take a step back and look at my life/lifestyle from a separate viewpoint, I can see that other people might see it negatively. Based on 'society norms' or are those just what we are told to believe are norms? I could make a list of negative aspects.
So if I think they're negative, does that mean they are? Or am I just thinking they're negative because that's what we are made to believe?
Or am I just thinking it's negative because I am very self critical?
I feel like I'm damaging my children, but both by trying to keep up with this sick society, and by not living by it and maybe being unconventional. It is very conflicting.

Some of it is simply a mess that I can't manage.

It doesn't help that if I talk to people I can see that they think things about me by what I say.
And when I feel invalidated by someone, why don't I just believe their opinion instead of feeling invalidated and over sensitive?

I think too much.
 
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FriendsAreFriends

FriendsAreFriends

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This society is very conform. It takes a strong person to be different. The other day I picked up a bag of medication in the farmacy. I sat down to enjoy a cup of coffe at a cafe. A middelage lady steared at me for at least 5-7 minutes. At first a was anoid, but then I had to laugh of the wole situation of her prejudice. People are very conform due to their uppbringing and their personal fright to be different them:):)self. But who knows what she was thinking. She just might have been jealous at my courage to sit in a cafe with a large bag of medication. Keep up your A3-life! We are not all ment to be alike. Divercity for the sake of divercity!:dance:

Kenneth.
 
blueflames

blueflames

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I don't think there is anything wrong with being unconventional, especially when it comes to your children. Encouraging your children to be free thinkers can only be a good thing imo, and by being a free thinker yourself, sets that as their example.

I think you are too hard on yourself. Try not to worry about what society expects. Last time I checked, society was a pretty fucked up place xx
 
C

Christobel

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I don't think there is any 'right' way to be. When we are out and about we all make judgments about one another, such as what is another person wearing, are they smoking, are they fat/thin. I also go for a coffee when I collect my Meds and I expect people might wonder why I am on my own among all the people chatting to their friends. What I say is Vive la Difference!
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I don't know, I think in many ways I still judge people by the standards of the commune I grew up in, where giving people a hug was a very normal greeting, people lived in their hearts and their emotions, and everyone meditated and listened to Osho and other spiritual teachers. I've not yet found a better way to live, and so those are the standards I use.

Which in general is very accepting of individuals race and other opinions. Intolerance or racism are things I'd consider not right, as well as anything severely immoral or against the law. Freedom is very important, everyone should be allowed to determine their own paths in life, and playing ego games with people's minds is not on. It's an interesting question.

I guess that means I'm non conformist, come from a family and a community of non conformists, and have long practice resisting the dictates and opinions of society. Basically I have my own standards, and don't care very much about society's standards. I'm liberated.
 
T

Topcat

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But if I'm judging my own life in the same way, and thinking it's not right, then is it not right? Bear in mind, I don't think the same way about anything that goes on and feels incredibly important, for more than maybe a week or two before I don't think that way any more.
I don't know what to believe?
I don't know if it matters because I seem to have a crippling inability to change anything, no matter how important.
Am struggling to make sense of this.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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It's weird, isn't it?
I understand where you're coming from with the whole societal expectations thing.
I find when I compare myself to the 'norm', I fall drastically short.

But then I think that people measure success in very different ways.
For some, success is a Mercedes and a well-paid career. That's not me and it never will be me - that's not what I aspire to.
So just because I don't have a job and fancy things, it's not to say i've not achieved anything.. I guess that my achievements are emotional/mental health related and that's doesn't come with a certificate.

I really think that it's for an individual to decide whether or not their life is right.. I mean obviously there is a moral compass that I believe we should all stick by, but as far as anything else, who is anybody to say another's lifestyle is wrong?

It is confusing, as I said.
I'm sorry you feel that things aren't right though Topcat and i'm sorry too to hear you feel like things can't be changed. It's bloody hard. :hug1:
 
T

Topcat

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I think I disappoint myself by not living up to my own standards, or being consistent with my moral beliefs (which is hard because they come and go) and feeling hypocritical. Also, we have 4kids, but my oh doesn't work, I only work 16hrs a week, so we survive on tax credits. Which is quite a lot of money a month. So we are benefit scroungers? People like to point these things out. Other parents are judgemental, and bitchy.
I struggle to do daily things like 3 meals a day, regular baths, sometimes, let alone all the reading and homework help we're meant to do.
So I'm 'meant' to do all these things, be a role model, not fuck up, self medicate etc
Lost train of thought
 
blueflames

blueflames

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Whatever!!! fuck all that shit topcat!!

Homework for kids can fuck off too. My Niece is home schooled. she does horse riding, ice scatting, art.. and she knows herself and is smart and well adjusted and funny. What do you need as an adult??? times tables and a nervous wreak?? or a fucking person who thinks for themselves??

Stop trying to conform with their bulshit world and try and live your own life.

My Mum and Dad smoked gear and had parties. I have a qualification in my line of work. My sis has a qualification in her's. my bro is a director of a company and my other sis is talking about doing an english degree. bollocks to all the rest of it!! I've taken as many drugs as I have read books (which is a fucking Lot) and I wouldn't have changed that part of my childhood for anything!

Stop being so down on yourself and hope that your outlook and attitude bleeds into your kids!! cause I would rather fuck a bloke that was funny than one that knew his times tables! and that's what you are bringing up, the men and women of the next generation and I am sure you would prefer they were the real people of that generation than societies little clones.

you are not doing anything wrong mate! turn off that tosser David Cameron and put some tunes on xxx
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Society, and the economy on which its based, is pretty hard-nosed and two-faced. It sets standards and goals for people to aspire to, mostly based around material/financial success, and conformity to the 'right' or 'popular' way of doing things. Yet the economy routinely fails to meet for many people, sufficient levels of decent subsistence, let alone their aspirations. What's more, it's not designed to. Its purpose is to keep the few sitting pretty, and the rest on a treadmill, like rabbits caught in the glare of oncoming car headlights.

We have a whole raft of politicians and public servants, paying lip service to mission statements, and following protocols and procedures designed to help people, but most of the time those in need, don't get what's on the label. One thing is said; another done. It's largely a chimera.

Yep, politicians, the education system, the media etc, make a lot of noise to tell us what to do, how to be blah blah. But as the old adage goes, an empty vessel makes the most noise....

My view on conforming to this economy and society with its head-fucking ways, is why would anyone want to? It's a bit wonky and shonky, dodgy and suspect, from what I can see :)
 
T

Topcat

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Home schooling would be great, have considered it many times (when feeling competent), but would not manage due to, well me.
My eldest yelled "oh my god, why do I have such ethical parents!" - was telling her about the sweat shops her clothes are made in.
They get society and norms jammed in them at school, then have us unjamming it and trying to keep them free thinkers, see things from all sides, point out the things they are taught/told that are wrong... I would love to home school.
Its hard to be confident with things, especially when you are a messed up parent. How do I know I'm doing things right when I'm off my head regularly? And when narrow minded twats put you down, family put you down, etc etc
Feels like a battle just to be
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I dunno about home schooling, I think there's a lot to be said for getting used to academic pressure in a normal school system, that teaches a bunch of skills as well. And interacting with a range of teachers is good too. So Topcat I think you're not doing so badly with normal schooling and trying to supplement their thinking a bit at home.
 
blueflames

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I dunno about home schooling.
She's taught by qualified teachers. By the time you get to Alevel they want free thought and understanding. Format is the easy bit. You have to feel passionate and want to learn and that's what home schooling network's ethos is based around; capturing imagination and providing the education/lessons that teach them more about the things that interest them.

Topcat - I understand why it would be hard for you to home school and I wasn't suggesting that you should. I was saying that you shouldn't worry so much what the 'norms' say you should be doing with your kids or feel you fall short of their standards. You sound like a fantastic Mum! always talking about baking and doing stuff with your kids, and with four I am not surprised it feels more chaotic at times!

You have said in the post above, that you never let things you disagree with go unchallenged, try to give them information so they have a more balanced view point to make up their own minds, and stay on top of providing your kids with good ethics and a deeper understanding of the world. Those things are some of the most important things a parent can do imo. Personally I find it reassuring that our future generations are in the hands of parents like you.

Just try and ignore arse wipe people that feel the need to put you down. They have no idea the effect their parenting is having on their kids and are probably just as worried as you are. The only difference is they feel they have to undermine and openly judge someone else to feel better about themselves. I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty messed up to me.
 
H

Haley

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Hi Topcat. Love that dolled up chimpanzee picture. Well, it's taken many years not to care what other people think. Still working on it, every time it comes up is an opportunity. That's the main thing. The other thing I want to share with you is that we have relatives who are Republican and they judge us for being liberals on SSI disability and taking Social Security early. Our bodies are falling apart but our minds are sharp and our hearts full of love. Gratitude is conspicuous by it's absence. I've learned to be grateful that we have that little bit of income and that the foreclosure did not happen on our house. Our Republican relatives judge me for being bi polar, yet they turned out to be child molesters and relationship addicts. I'm concerned about their opinion? We were low class in their eyes. Some people haven't evolved to the position of seeing all people as equal.

Also, there's the PANIC of not being loved when someone judges us or rejects us. The whole reason I'm learning about this is that's part of my purpose here.
 
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