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How do you help a person with bpd break from their destructive train of thought when in the moment?

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Swissblue

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Given that there is a tendency to blow a problem way out of proportion and respond irrationally in a permenantly damaging way, how do you get them to snap out of it and see reason, even if just a little bit? They could see reason but it's when it's all said and done and the damage was done. How do you help them to see it before the act of the irrationality? Any tips or tricks?
 
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Orangeade

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Given that there is a tendency to blow a problem way out of proportion and respond irrationally in a permenantly damaging way, how do you get them to snap out of it and see reason, even if just a little bit? They could see reason but it's when it's all said and done and the damage was done. How do you help them to see it before the act of the irrationality? Any tips or tricks?
I have bpd and my mother hugs me and makes me sit next to her. It helps a little bit because it makes me feel grounded
 
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Bobbyewing

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I think you give them facts and reason.
But they need to learn how to reason.
Im learning it.
They need to see the mind as a negative pattern of thought generation. We hang onto these patterns. We see these thoughts as real until we are convinced otherwise. People with BPD tend to ride the wave of emotional thoughts longer.
Dialectic behavior therapy has proved successful for many sufferers.
There are books out there that don't require a therapist.
You could encourage your friend to read them or read them yourself
 
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workingitout

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This is a very good question. I was going to ask it myself. E.g. uBPDw gets upset about Djokovic/Australia/Covid and I know she could then dwell/rant for hours. I don't think reasoning helps. With BPDs feelings -> facts, not the other way around. So I don't have an answer yet.
 
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Dwight7

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Listen and validate their emotions. Not the emotional extremes, or the irresponsible actions, but the basic emotions.

This would’ve helped me. It would’ve given me perspective and taken away some of the intensity
 
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Mistral

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Given that there is a tendency to blow a problem way out of proportion and respond irrationally in a permenantly damaging way, how do you get them to snap out of it and see reason, even if just a little bit? They could see reason but it's when it's all said and done and the damage was done. How do you help them to see it before the act of the irrationality? Any tips or tricks?
You are only responsible for what you do. Ultimately you are not responsible for what others do.
 
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Swissblue

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You are only responsible for what you do. Ultimately you are not responsible for what others do.
How does that work when real life actions have to be taken with real life repercussions?
 
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FuzzyAlligator

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My daughter has BPD. She is quite high functioning and only occasionally has emotional spirals but when she does, I sit with her, hold her hand and and encourage her to tell me what's happening in her head. I don't argue with her or tell her she being irrational - she knows that already - I just make sure she knows she is safe and loved.

Granted, some pwBPD aren't at the level she is at and might take your calmness as a threat but I have found that in the moment, nothing you can say makes any difference and may very well exacerbate the spiral. But making sure she knows that she is safe to say whatever is going on in her head and that I am not going to abandon her or yell at her is extremely important for her to help herself calm down.
 
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Mistral

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How does that work when real life actions have to be taken with real life repercussions?
In real life it can take years for someone to change and realise that their behaviour is irrational. The irrational thoughts and behaviour can take a long time to develop and it can become the new normal to them. I would try to take time out when you can see them ready to blow up, but that is often not easy to do. Learning more about BPD could help as has been suggested. There is plenty of good literature out there on BPD.
 
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