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How do you find a reason when the generic lists of “why” don’t won’t anymore?

Emmy

Emmy

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
47
Location
USA
Oops, I’m back here with feelings again.

Tbh, these depressive moments are standing to blend into the normal. I’m convinced they’re the real moments of truth, and my usual self is just surpression and putting those rose tinted glasses back on because tbh what else is there. And digging for the truth has just validated my subconscious discontent.

Tbh, I have no one I’d pity if they were traumatized by my death. I have no one to love or confide in, I have no support system for normal growing up things, let alone feelings. I have no stable lifestyles to mirror, I have no one to check up on me, I’ve never had a “real friend.” I don’t have the control over my life to close my door to cry it out, save for the latest hours in the night, and I am scolded even worse if I am seen crying. My efforts I put into the universe, in general, are not reciprocated. I don’t want to do anything I do, I don’t even want to play my games anymore. I don’t really want to read. My chosen profession feels pointless. It’s too complicated, there’s too many subfields, I don’t know what I want anymore.

So how do you do it? I don’t have the love in myself to do it for me, and I don’t have the spite to pick myself up either. My plans are getting more vivid, and I don’t like it. I feel like my mind might shut down, is that even a feeling? Do minds do that?

Everyday, I want to walk
But I’m in a cave
Everyday I want to walk
But I’m in a cave
—Everyday (song)
 
Lowlife4L

Lowlife4L

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Las vegas
Hey. I just wanna day I feel you. Truly, you words spoke directly to my situation. Please keep making this choice to live. I will continue making the same choice with you. I don’t have an ideal answer. I just see myself on this post and I want you to know there is someone who heard you and just cares now.
 
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