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How do you feel about yourself?

G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
189
#1
I'm not sure how to word the title but how do you feel about yourself? I strongly believe it is impossible to hate yourself. You can be embarrassed by your looks or reflect by how or what others say about you. For instance when I look in the mirror I think, honest to God and not in an arrogant way, wow what a handsome person. How could anybody think I'm a bad person? I have been told by many that I hate myself but it is not true.

When I go out in public I get stared at, glared at, and occasionally somebody makes a hurtful comment. Usually the attention I get is not good. I never speak to anybody and I never even look at anybody. I am not a loud annoying person but I get such bad looks from strangers, constantly. Men give me looks like they would kill me right then and there if they could. Women look at me like I'm the next creep to watch out for. I feel like any 'hatred' you get towards yourself is directly from how others have treated you. I've learned to be extra self conscious and tend to be embarrassed and defensive because I've been treated so badly.

People have implied that I'm weird, a horrible person, creepy, or stupid hundreds of times and this has in turn caused me to believe maybe I am a bad person. Maybe I don't deserve to have a good life. Its always about the glass being half empty from other's perspectives. I've had bad teachers, bad friends and run into too many unfriendly strangers. I used to view everybody as a potential friend. I used to be so much nicer but after being treated so badly by everyone in life I've started to look at everybody as an enemy. I automatically assume the very worse. I'm paranoid and going out into public tears me apart.

On Christmast I'm the only person there sitting around the tree with only a few small gifts, when everybody else is opening big expensive elaborate gifts. Nobody remembers or cares to get me anything. They use the excuse, 'your birthday was last week kiddo so that counts.' Every year on Christmas my self esteem drops a little more. Anyway if you've read all this and see similarities or want to offer your opinions and experiences, please do share.
 
B

Boring

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
1,774
#2
mental health discrimination is nothing new to me. I just make sure to enjoy my life regardless. for instance, i had a good time playing with ducks at the park today: they don't treat me bad.

but yeah, i love myself. and i don't let discriminant people affect the way that i see myself.
 
E

elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
12
Location
Scandinavia
#3
I'm not sure how to word the title but how do you feel about yourself? I strongly believe it is impossible to hate yourself. You can be embarrassed by your looks or reflect by how or what others say about you.
I actually have opposite experience to you. I have encountered a bit of mental health discrimination, but not much. People are generally nice to me, I hear compliments, I'm even being admired. At the same time the me inside me is screaming "Can't you really see me? Can't you seriously not see the monster?!". Because when I look into the mirror I see something that is in every way WRONG in all of it's entirety. A monster. Not ugly from the outside but in it's core, just wrong, disgusting, something to be hated. On a good day (when I'm dissociating) I see just someone that I have no feelings for, a neutral being. So yes, I think you can really hate yourself, your actual self. I do.

My logical self is aware of the absurdity of the idea that I could be totally monstrous (thanks to therapy), but it's a daily battle, sort of like a raging civil war. I don't know which one is worse, fighting against the world or fighting against yourself. It's exhausting either way, I'd assume.

I'm happy that you can love yourself. Hold on to the thoughts you have in front of a mirror and use them as a shield against the world. :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
182
Location
Locked inside myself in the UK
#4
Some people treat me mean but others just ignore me, I be nice to them but do my own thing if they want to be nasty about me being nice then thast's their problem :hug1:

I do have a lot of negativity about myself though, negative thoughts etc :hug1:
 
S

simonr1978

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
20
#5
I'm not sure how to word the title but how do you feel about yourself? I strongly believe it is impossible to hate yourself. You can be embarrassed by your looks or reflect by how or what others say about you. For instance when I look in the mirror I think, honest to God and not in an arrogant way, wow what a handsome person. How could anybody think I'm a bad person? I have been told by many that I hate myself but it is not true.
Interesting question. Physically I have grown to accept that I'm apparently not a bad looking guy, albeit a bit overweight, but then I've clocked up 4 decades so it's not unsurprising.

That said, I don't tend to go by appearances and in all other respects if trying to gauge myself as dispassionately as possible, I really don't like myself very much. Whether I hate myself is perhaps another matter, even I'm not sure I'd go that far, but it's close.

When I go out in public I get stared at, glared at, and occasionally somebody makes a hurtful comment. Usually the attention I get is not good. I never speak to anybody and I never even look at anybody. I am not a loud annoying person but I get such bad looks from strangers, constantly. Men give me looks like they would kill me right then and there if they could. Women look at me like I'm the next creep to watch out for. I feel like any 'hatred' you get towards yourself is directly from how others have treated you. I've learned to be extra self conscious and tend to be embarrassed and defensive because I've been treated so badly.
I can't honestly say I've been treated that badly. I feel very uncomfortable in most social situations though, physical contact makes me feel particularly awkward unless I'm already extremely familiar with the person concerned. Just before Christmas I was approached by one of those street-salesmen types who thought "It's free hugs Saturday!" was a great pitch, I think he knew he'd already blown it when I recoiled in horror.

It's generally a pretty big thing for me to shake someone's hand, I will hug when it's socially expected although it feels really uncomfortable for me to do so, I can even on very rare occasions offer a hug but I have to be very comfortable with the individual first.

But for some reason I'm aware that people in general and women especially seem to like to open up to me. I was always more comfortable around female friends as a boy so that may help explain that.

I'm not good with empathy, but I seem to be good at synthesising it which appears to be an adequate substitute.

People have implied that I'm weird, a horrible person, creepy, or stupid hundreds of times and this has in turn caused me to believe maybe I am a bad person. Maybe I don't deserve to have a good life. Its always about the glass being half empty from other's perspectives. I've had bad teachers, bad friends and run into too many unfriendly strangers. I used to view everybody as a potential friend. I used to be so much nicer but after being treated so badly by everyone in life I've started to look at everybody as an enemy. I automatically assume the very worse. I'm paranoid and going out into public tears me apart.
People would make assumptions about me, it's hard being a teenager to introduce yourself as a wargamer and firearms enthusiast in a broadly mid-1990s UK environment without people jumping to conclusions. One of my first disagreements with my ex was her telling me I was obsessed with guns and me countering that if I had the same interest football or golf then that'd just be considered normal. She conceded that point.

But I'm wary of any kind of personal relationship now. I prefer to disengage, withdraw and re-trench whenever it seems like that might be a possibility. In general I'll only offer anything if I can write it off and not expect anything in return. These days I tend to view other people as a potential weakness.

Overall though I can't really complain about my upbringing. My teachers and parents did an at worst average job IMO, there were some issues being a civvy brat growing up in BAOR but I understood that from an early age.

On Christmast I'm the only person there sitting around the tree with only a few small gifts, when everybody else is opening big expensive elaborate gifts. Nobody remembers or cares to get me anything. They use the excuse, 'your birthday was last week kiddo so that counts.' Every year on Christmas my self esteem drops a little more. Anyway if you've read all this and see similarities or want to offer your opinions and experiences, please do share.
Christmas is not a great time for me at the best of times, I'd happily forget the whole thing unfortunately socially that's not an option. The last couple of years I've tended to cope by getting moronically drunk (I've been the only one around so it's been my problem, no-one else's), this year was no exception and I regret that the only exception was that I started it a day early and there were other people there.