How do you even date with Mental Health problems?

B

BpTyrant

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#1
Every now and then I think about putting myself out there to find someone to be with so I dont always have to be lonely

But most of the time I just dont have the motivation to do it

And then I just worry about why anyone would love someone as messed up as me?

It's easy to say that I am a good person, I have good intentions and I care about other people, but I always think if I do find somebody to be with I am just gonna drag them down

And that's another thing, I do not want to drag someone down with me

If I am going down I would rather go down solo and not take other people along on a crazy ride

It is easy to get people to hate you and assume you are a nightmare to deal with (speaking in a business sense as a hobby I am into crosses over into business) but to actually be on the continual lookout for somebody to love me as is and accept my problems and care about me as a whole; idk if I can do it
 
Parayana

Parayana

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#2
All the girl friends I've had since I've been diagnosed have had MH problems themselves so theres an understanding. Either met them in hospital or at support groups.
 
daffy

daffy

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#3
Hi BP I’m on a dating website but never mention my MH issues. I think it can make you sound vulnerable to some. (Or else they think your crazy 😜) I cant say I’ve had any luck and barely look at it now. The few that I have spoken to on line as soon as I mention I use a walking stick I dont hear any more.
There are some good people out there and hopefully you’ll meet up in a casual way and get to know the person first which I think is the best way.
 
Skynet

Skynet

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#4
In biology, natural selection implies that the most unhealthy members of a species will be the least likely to mate and reproduce. As someone with a severe mental illness, I realize I fall into this category -- and I'm not going to fight nature over this. However, the good news is that one doesn't need to be in a romantic relationship in order to be happy. I have an unquenchable interest in math, science, and philosophy, which along with my relationships with my parents and my sister, make my life worth living.
 
Amorerose

Amorerose

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#5
I have a few mental issues and have dated many people, most were not compatible but I would not settle with any less. A lot of people have issues, it's not just the people that put them out on their sleeves. I believe that everyone can be at their highest potential, and this would involve having someone to love and be loved in return.

People are not perfect, even the clinically "normal" ones. Plus if you don't put yourself out there and try, then maybe that other person who thinks they're so mental and incapable of love would miss out on the chance with you too. It's all a chance, you just have to jump in and be ready for a little pain sometimes. Because after that, you're again open to a more compatible match. I mean you can't always win the first time.

Plus you cannot drag someone down, if you give them their own freewill to leave.
 
Valka

Valka

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#6
Well those things are a part of you. And I know that sounds cliche.
But in regards to myself, I could say I'm shy, introverted and prefer staying in to going out. Now if I instead said I have trust issues after being messed around, like my alone time and am agoraphobic. One sounds better than the other, yet both are true at the same time.

The fact you have issues doesn't have to define you as a person, nor do you have to lie about any issues you have as, well that's just not cool to do.
But that doesn't mean you have to bombard people from the get go with the MH issues you do have which might cause them to back off.
A shy quiet guy might be cute to a girl, but a guy who is damaged goods might be offputting to the same person.
It's just how you present yourself / your issues I guess, despite it being the same thing.

And I know people say that if a person really loves you, they'll love you for who you are.
Which is true, but it's always a case that you have to get to know the person first for any falling in love to happen.
And as we all know MH does have a stigma attached. So you have to ask yourself would you prefer to be the guy who say in my case is 'shy' with a few problems when it comes to going out and being social, or the guy who is *insert list of issues here*.

I just find keeping quiet about those things helps, as people are too judgemental these days.
So if it comes to the point that someone says "Hey you don't go out much any reason?" then I'll tell them. As from the offset that could put someone off, but when they get to know you it's not even a thing at all when you get around to talking about it, as they know you don't like going out by that point anyway.

..... hopeless romantics unite! :grouphug:
 
Amorerose

Amorerose

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#8
I agree Valka about saying your issues too early on and in a negative aspect. I have been guilty of that before but I need someone capable and open-minded to deal with the abnormal aspects of life. It's just a little harder when you've dealt with mental health issues but I have never been afraid to show my dark side. But you're definitely right about handling the way you tell someone and not making it look negative from the beginning.
 
N

Nought

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#9
It's difficult, there's stigma, and folks with mental health issues are often socially isolated, unemployed, issues like self care - hygiene and lifestyle... Obviously everyone wants someone to love them as they are but I haven't found that and it's difficult to get a half decent date.
 
J

Jaye8525

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#10
I have more or less blocked this particular aspect from my life. I'm typically drawn to members of the opposite sex that are typically introverted/ similar typing to myself and I've just accepted you can't put two crackpots together. That mash of toxic chemicals under one roof will no doubt blow up at some time or another.

I'm not happily single, but am I actually single when there are people/things living in my head? :whistle:
 
J

Jaye8525

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#11
I have more or less blocked this particular aspect from my life. I'm typically drawn to members of the opposite sex that are typically introverted/ similar typing to myself and I've just accepted you can't put two crackpots together. That mash of toxic chemicals under one roof will no doubt blow up at some time or another.

I'm not happily single, but am I actually single when there are people/things living in my head? :whistle:
I don't know if anyone else relates to this but I do not even recognise the person I am at times; I feel like I'm looking at a stranger when I catch a glimpse of myself.

This makes it near impossible for me to act 'natural'.
 
R

rigglandhudd

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#12
I haven't dated in three years since start of my mental problem s . I feel like a stranger to myself with lack of working
 

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