how do you deal with the paranoia?

S

starshining

New member
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
2
Location
USA
i (24f) can't enjoy anything anymore because once i start to really love something, i get extreme paranoia surrounding it. :(

for example, i've been really into twitch streams lately. my life is... kind of in shambles right now lol so it's one of the only things that i look forward to and cherish. everything was fine until a fear hit me (which i won't get into so this post isn't miles long) but it made me delete and remake my account out of paranoia. this bummed me out, as i've had a 'streak' going and had paid for subscriptions through that account.

of course that wasn't the end, and with my new account i started having more paranoid thoughts. i couldn't message my friend through this account for some reason (got a weird glitch/error), and my mind jumped to the conclusion that i had been banned. to check, i messaged a random person to see if it would go through, and played it off as me accidentally messaging the wrong person.

NOW my mind is telling me that this random person i messaged is going to get mad (???) and hack all my accounts. i'm afraid they're going to get into my email, find all my posts i've written about my ocd, expose me, and the people i love the most will despise me. i suffer(ed) from pocd for over a year and have written about it on several forums. while it's not my current obsession, my pocd still scares me, and i'm still unsure about it. i'm afraid if anyone 'normal' saw those posts, i would be shunned and branded as a p*dophile.

i'm having strong urges to remake my account again to be safe. the fact that it wouldn't be that easy though, and i'd have to pay for subscriptions AGAIN, and have my friends question what i'm doing, is the only thing holding me back.

i feel so stuck and miserable. :( does anyone else experience bad paranoia like this? or know ways to deal with it?
 
S

starshining

New member
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
2
Location
USA
now i'm feeling even more anxious... i was changing all my passwords, and i SWORE i had logged into my account (i even have the text for the login code and remember entering it) but for some reason i was logged out again. i had two tabs open of the site so i don't know if i forgot to refresh one or something? but when i tried to log back in, my new password wasn't working. this made me panic so much i didn't even check to see if i had caps lock on or anything, just kept entering it to no avail.

i didn't receive any message or code indicating that anyone else had logged into my account but that freaked me out so much... i just feel like i'm digging myself deeper. :confused:
 

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