C
coolchanty
New member
have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and we were planning to get married and have a family very soon. We have been very happy the whole time and were made for each other and everyone like family and friends were happy too. Last week he got arrested and he had to tell me what for. I was thinking it was probably for robbing a bank or even as bad a killing someone in self defense which are both a bit more understandable and normal crimes. No crime is good I know but they are not as bad as this. It turns out he had abused his sister when he was young and had sex with her too. She was so young.
I am extremely confused as to why when he was 10 -14 it happened. I would of known and majority of people would have known this was wrong. I can't understand why he says he didn't. I have tried to talk to him about it and he does not remember much at all.
I am in a big state about the whole thing because it is such a strange thing to of done and because I loved him and was so happy. I just don't know whether I could live happy now with him knowing he did this. Not only that would I be always concerned there is more he is hiding from me.
I have sent him home for a bit as the house is in my name to have some space. Some of our friends know what has happened and they have all known him for many years and even went to school with him whilst this was happening. People are just in as much shock and devastated for me as I am. I have mixed feelings and information at the moment as to what to do to move forward whether it is with or without him.
Does anyone have any idea how I can or should deal with this?
He said he was not abused as a child however he did tell me he had no curfews and had his own TV in bedroom. He also said he had no love or affection from anyone. I was trying to understand what problems there must of been.
He is 26 now and she is 22. So it would of happened to his sister from the ages of 6 -10.
No one knows why she brought it up 12 years later. She did try to charge him about 4-5 years ago and then dropped the case. Family members believe she has a very dark side and was waiting until he was happy and to have someone else involved to press charges. She apparently said fears for her three year old daughter now she has told the police.
He definately is not like this now and does not pray on children at all. However it worries me as to why his sister said she is worried for her three year old daughter now.
He just has a bad past and wanted to be a better person and help people after his past. I do seriously believe this is the truth and it is just in the past whilst he was growing up and he has tried to make a better life for himself which he has done up to now.
I definately do believe him when he talks to me. If he says he can't remember anything and says he did not know what he was doing. I think he has erased most of it from his memory which I probably would.
I would of rather of never known this happened and hoped his sister moved on now by now as best as she could of done and just stayed away from him for good.
She wont talk to anyone about it so I can only assume how she must be feeling and why she might of got him charged now 12 years later.
I feel I could forgive him and have a future providing we never saw his sister ever again as I would be worried she would try it again and maybe even tell my children.
The things that are stopping me getting back with him at the moment are I am worried what others would think and how they would treat us. Life is hard enough without having a major problem like this involved. I would be worried if he went on to a register people would find where he lived and brick the house or be nasty towards us. I would also be scared of my future employment options if I married him and although I know he would not harm our children I would still have this thought. The only thing in his favour here is he was a minor and not an adult when he did it or I definately could not forgive him.
If he does get charged and get named etc and has to serve a prison sentence this would also be traumatic to deal with.
I feel I am best having some time and space from him and wait to see how the case goes. He has admitted to doing it so unfortuantely I can't even hope it is a sick joke. He definately did do it.
Does anyone know how I could get him to try and talk about it fully with someone and try to get answers for it maybe and also if anyone has help or advice on going forwards as to whether I should or should not forgive him this would also help.
I am suffering depression at the moment as it is a big shock and I never thought anything like this of such a nice person. It is like my heart has been ripped out of me so suddenly :-(. Thanks in advance.
I am extremely confused as to why when he was 10 -14 it happened. I would of known and majority of people would have known this was wrong. I can't understand why he says he didn't. I have tried to talk to him about it and he does not remember much at all.
I am in a big state about the whole thing because it is such a strange thing to of done and because I loved him and was so happy. I just don't know whether I could live happy now with him knowing he did this. Not only that would I be always concerned there is more he is hiding from me.
I have sent him home for a bit as the house is in my name to have some space. Some of our friends know what has happened and they have all known him for many years and even went to school with him whilst this was happening. People are just in as much shock and devastated for me as I am. I have mixed feelings and information at the moment as to what to do to move forward whether it is with or without him.
Does anyone have any idea how I can or should deal with this?
He said he was not abused as a child however he did tell me he had no curfews and had his own TV in bedroom. He also said he had no love or affection from anyone. I was trying to understand what problems there must of been.
He is 26 now and she is 22. So it would of happened to his sister from the ages of 6 -10.
No one knows why she brought it up 12 years later. She did try to charge him about 4-5 years ago and then dropped the case. Family members believe she has a very dark side and was waiting until he was happy and to have someone else involved to press charges. She apparently said fears for her three year old daughter now she has told the police.
He definately is not like this now and does not pray on children at all. However it worries me as to why his sister said she is worried for her three year old daughter now.
He just has a bad past and wanted to be a better person and help people after his past. I do seriously believe this is the truth and it is just in the past whilst he was growing up and he has tried to make a better life for himself which he has done up to now.
I definately do believe him when he talks to me. If he says he can't remember anything and says he did not know what he was doing. I think he has erased most of it from his memory which I probably would.
I would of rather of never known this happened and hoped his sister moved on now by now as best as she could of done and just stayed away from him for good.
She wont talk to anyone about it so I can only assume how she must be feeling and why she might of got him charged now 12 years later.
I feel I could forgive him and have a future providing we never saw his sister ever again as I would be worried she would try it again and maybe even tell my children.
The things that are stopping me getting back with him at the moment are I am worried what others would think and how they would treat us. Life is hard enough without having a major problem like this involved. I would be worried if he went on to a register people would find where he lived and brick the house or be nasty towards us. I would also be scared of my future employment options if I married him and although I know he would not harm our children I would still have this thought. The only thing in his favour here is he was a minor and not an adult when he did it or I definately could not forgive him.
If he does get charged and get named etc and has to serve a prison sentence this would also be traumatic to deal with.
I feel I am best having some time and space from him and wait to see how the case goes. He has admitted to doing it so unfortuantely I can't even hope it is a sick joke. He definately did do it.
Does anyone know how I could get him to try and talk about it fully with someone and try to get answers for it maybe and also if anyone has help or advice on going forwards as to whether I should or should not forgive him this would also help.
I am suffering depression at the moment as it is a big shock and I never thought anything like this of such a nice person. It is like my heart has been ripped out of me so suddenly :-(. Thanks in advance.