• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

How do you deal with isolation

T

tdi

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
1
What did you find to me the most helpful way of reducing your isolation, if you have been or are still dealing with this hidden but very common issue in mental health?
I really don't think "Get out more often" is a helpful advice which is what majority of therapists tell their clients. Going out alone is not enough. You have to go out with needed knowledge, skill, and attitude and I think that's what a lot of mental health care consumers lack.
I don't think those qualities can be picked up in therapies. At the best just a little maybe. Unfortunately, that delays personal development in the lives of people with mental health issues.
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
11,496
Location
hiding behind the sofa
this is so tru TDI. hey always tell u to get out, go for a walk, but if you live on your own as i now do, i will make every excuse possible not to go out.

A couple of years ago when having CBT i was told just go out every to buy a newspaper. That sounds very easy in itself but who will make me put my coat on and go. If my family phne i just lie and say 'oh yeh, just been to the local shops' and their happy.

But yes i do get lonely, but couldnt stand the thought of going for a drink or socialising cos im not much good at that and tend to be the one sat in the corner looking into her drink.

I also think a lot of how you socialise s something that can be taught, but t shld be taught from childhood. Unfortunatly mine was not to good, plus i went to an all girls school a distance from my home. So didnt make many local friends.
 
midnight

midnight

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
219
Location
cumbria
don't they say that places like London are the lonliest of places if you are on your own?

Therefore as far as I am concerned just 'getting out' does not mean it can reduce your isolation
 
M

Mad Hatter

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
308
Location
Birmingham
When I was practically housebound and before the internet I sort of disappeared into a fantasy like world of my own, I also dug out my old subbuteo stuff and made a little league and played myself sad but true.

Must also add from time to time even when I've got loved ones around me or I'm out anywhere with people all around me I still feel isolated and alone, as if something is missing.
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,364
Location
East Lancs
Isolated

I think one of the reasons I feel isolated is that I don't think people understand me, I can not readily be morally lax, and this alone at work excludes me from some of the so called conversations - although not being part of such conversations does not bother me, the knowlingly being islated form them does.

I go for walks a lot, but they do not take away the feeling of isolation - in fact when you see couples or groups it can actually intensify.
So my aid is my dog, we go for walks, we meet other dog owners and we chat, nothing of consequence just chat. If I don't feel like talking then thats ok with her she will just plod along, if I do she encourages me by attention.
This makes the work scene (for me) more bearable and when I'm out without my dog.

I am married to a very supportive wife, because our relationship is so close then it is even worse for me when we are apart due to work, my dog again comes to the fore.

I am learning (ever so slowly) the difference between keeping my own company because that is what I want when I want it and being lonely.

No one said it was an easy ride, the hardest part is understanding what you yourself needs and accepting that.

Michael
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I think what is important to remember is that everyone feels lonely and isolated at sometime in their lives. Perhaps because some of us have a sensitivity to feelings we think we feel it more. My mum will complain of loneliness and having not seen anyone and then will list half a dozen visitors that have been round that day. She has never spent more than 5 or 6 hours at a stretch on her own but often complains of loneliness. What she is actually is high maintenance. I hardly ever have any one round the flat and that's mostly out of choice. When people do come round I'm pleased to see them but also a little glad when they go. I get lonely about twice a year. I'm actually very low maintenance. I tend to look at isolation as whether I want company or whether I want the way I'm feeling to be different. :flowers:
 
sandybob

sandybob

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
558
Location
south east london
i feel very isolated quite alot .. but i think alot of it self induced ... due to low self esteem , lack of confidence, anxiety, laziness.. i do go to the supermarket every day and take the dog to the park .. but i rarely interact with people (aside from the "pleases and thankyous")

i think just about every doctor or pysch person i have ever seen has told me to "get out more " ,, "get out and meet people ", "get a job" "do a course"

which i know is what i should do ... but how do i get to the point where i feel able to ?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I think you've hit the nail on the head with confidence Sandybob. I feel isolated and lonely on the days when self-doubt rears it's ugly head. That's the days I look for reassurance and something to boost the way I feel. But confidence isn't something that happens or you just pick up a book and learn about, building confidence is about taking risks and that's something I shy from doing. :)
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
11,496
Location
hiding behind the sofa
i feel very isolated quite alot .. but i think alot of it self induced ... due to low self esteem , lack of confidence, anxiety, laziness.. i do go to the supermarket every day and take the dog to the park .. but i rarely interact with people (aside from the "pleases and thankyous")


Sandy i could have written that. I feel exactly the same, but i also have to force myself to go the supermarket.

I think at times i would like a partner but dont know if i could cope with having them around all the time and having to make conversation.

Ive had CBT and they told me to go to the shop every day but i just couldnt make myself do it. On occasions when ive been low my SW has come out to take me to my appointments.
 
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
i feel very isolated quite alot .. but i think alot of it self induced ... due to low self esteem , lack of confidence, anxiety, laziness.. i do go to the supermarket every day and take the dog to the park .. but i rarely interact with people (aside from the "pleases and thankyous")

i think just about every doctor or pysch person i have ever seen has told me to "get out more " ,, "get out and meet people ", "get a job" "do a course"

which i know is what i should do ... but how do i get to the point where i feel able to ?

I could have quite easily wrote the above too.
With me also being a carer for my agrophobic OH i have to really push myself to go out as he carn't . Some day's it's real hard .
 
D

Dollit

Guest
What frustrates me about shopping is the I'm your best friend attitude in the supermarket. I just want to do my shopping, pay and go home - I don't want to get into chats. There are people I know who I can chat with but I don't want to build friendships with the checkout girl! My circle of people sounds big but it's quite small as nearly all my interactions are "work" related. I can put down boundaries and expect them to be respected that way. Do you think isolating is the norm?
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
11,496
Location
hiding behind the sofa
The problem i get with going out is that i dont like going out alone, so either my sister or neighbour come with me.Or I should say i take them as i drive and they dont. But they both take ages and talk to everyone in the store. And when it comes to the checkout they have to give the operator their lifestory.

My sister isnt too bad cos she know i get panic attacks but my friend just doesnt take the hint. I dont like to say too much cos when im really bad they do my shopping for me.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Do you think whoever invented the saying "between a rock and a hard place" had you in mind? :flowers:
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
11,496
Location
hiding behind the sofa
I know it shouldnt ,but my life totally revolves around my family. My two girls and my grandaughter are everything to me. Dont get me wrong they dont ask anything of me and are very supportive, especially my eldest as she is trained in mental health.

Sorry im wittering here. I feel very low this morning and all i want to do is sleep but i cant. I dont know how long i can manage on 2 hours a night. Ive definatly come down from the high i had the other week cos i feel crap.

Sorry will stop pratteling and go and get some tea:tea:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hope you got some rest Daffy, I wish I had magic words for you. :hug:
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Linda1989 Wellbeing 4
Top