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How do you deal with guilt after a angry outburst?!

R

Rosedoll

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Jun 9, 2018
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A lot of stuff over the weeks has bothered me and ive kept it quiet. Long story short I was at home with my husband and my husband was just on his game most of the day which triggered me as i was doing the housework which seemed all day. I ended up getting overwhelmed and was crying which turned into anger and I was shouting saying all the things that is bothering me (random stuff) and how my husband doesn't always help around the home ect, which he said he will help more.

My behaviour was out of control which hasn't been like that for ages! I then ended up physically punishing myself because I was so angry and more annoyed that I had let myself get out of control..a vicious cycle. Now because of that outburst I feel all the things i wanted to say to my husband didnt matter because i didnt mention in a calm way and now the guilt of getting angry has taken over it all. I feel very guilty I acted like this and I cant stop feeling like I am bad. How do you deal with guilt after an emotional outburst?

thanks for reading this far!
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
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Jul 9, 2013
Messages
735
at least you recognise that you dont want to react like that....its a good first step.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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Location
Nashua NH
A lot of stuff over the weeks has bothered me and ive kept it quiet. Long story short I was at home with my husband and my husband was just on his game most of the day which triggered me as i was doing the housework which seemed all day. I ended up getting overwhelmed and was crying which turned into anger and I was shouting saying all the things that is bothering me (random stuff) and how my husband doesn't always help around the home ect, which he said he will help more.

My behaviour was out of control which hasn't been like that for ages! I then ended up physically punishing myself because I was so angry and more annoyed that I had let myself get out of control..a vicious cycle. Now because of that outburst I feel all the things i wanted to say to my husband didnt matter because i didnt mention in a calm way and now the guilt of getting angry has taken over it all. I feel very guilty I acted like this and I cant stop feeling like I am bad. How do you deal with guilt after an emotional outburst?

thanks for reading this far!
You didn’t do anything wrong. You had strong feelings about something and you expressed them. There was no physical violence or physical destruction done. Outbursts are natural and a result of stress and negative feelings building up and begging a release. It sounds like your partner is understanding of this and even responsive to your feelings on the matter. He might not have understood how strongly you felt about the situation had you not had an outburst over it. As long as it doesn’t happen all the time (like daily) you should feel no shame. xo, j
 
T

Trigger_warning

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Jan 11, 2021
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Singapore
The thing is everyone does angry outbursts not just people with BPD. But you have to figure out if the guilt you feel comes from your own lack of self worth which in BPD that's usually the case. I still feel guilty about lashing out on my dad who used to be physically violent and emotionally unavailable for my entire child hood to the point where I used to have fractures and be sent to the hospital. Only after some counseling I found out the guilt just comes from my psyche's inability to have any self worth which hurts so much because the only way that I would at least feel a little bit better about my outbursts was if that person hugged me and proved they were not resenting me and that's not easy if the person wants to end the relationship but if you're with them maybe try it. Feel close to them somehow if you're lucky enough to have a relationship.
 
Barny67

Barny67

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Dec 25, 2020
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Middlesbrough
Hi, I think you’re being very hard on yourself. So you lost ya rag & voiced your concerns, he was sat gaming all day while you cleaned around him. I think he’s the one who should feel guilty.
You did nothing wrong in my opinion. Tc
 
Blue Opal

Blue Opal

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Oct 28, 2020
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248
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Netherlands
This is a situation that would make me angry too. It happens every now and then. After that I feel like a horrible person. I apologise and most of the time end up crying.
Then me and my boyfriend talk about it and I tell him how I felt and why. I feel like shit for the rest of the day and the next morning it's OK again.
I don't know. Is that dealing with it? We just both accept it happens sometimes.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,257
Location
London, ON
Something that helped me was to learn to be able to tell reasonable anger from unreasonable or irrational anger.

There are reasonable reasons to get angry, and unreasonable ones. Unreasonable anger is over something that honestly shouldn't make us angry. For me, it's like a preloaded anger, I'm angry for no reason, and I look for something to target it at, to get rid of the stress. I'm learning to notice when I have that preloaded type going, and not let the mood goad me into an outburst.

I think you were frustrated by your partner, which is reasonable enough, because you were doing chores while he played. Your concerns were valid. Apologize for the scale of the anger, but still make certain your concerns get addressed.

My take on it.
 
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