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How do you deal with a lying father?

B

BurningPassion

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Feb 26, 2009
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England, Midlands
How do you come to terms with it?

A Dad who you looked up to all your life, who you think helped you. He was your Dad and also your best friend.

Then you realize the lies he fed you and your family your whole life. Entire stories you have been led to believe were true for over 15 years. The person you respected all this time was built from one lie after another

He is not a bad person upfront but looking back and seeing the full picture, he is a scumbag

The revelations were revealed late last year. he has since ran away in shame and is trying to start a new life elsewhere away from us all. But he still calls occasionally.

Should I keep in touch with the pathetic loser? If I one day have children and hes still alive, should they meet him? I don't know.
I'm angry with him but I also feel sorry for him.......sigh I don't know......
 
W

whatswrongwithme?

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Mar 30, 2009
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southwest
Hi BPm i suppose it all depends on what he did and how much it has impacted on you
If you feel what he has done is unforgivable or indeed dangerous then keep away
JMO
 
ms_P

ms_P

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BeNeLux
Maybe he felt he had no other choice than to lie. Maybe he's even more twisted up about it than you are.

All I know is, everyone deserves a second chance, but not endless second chances. IMO.
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

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how did you find out? maybe somone was trying to make you relize how awfull life is.

on a lighter note he may have just wanted to talk to you and be part of your life, if he didnt lie he may of had nothing to say.

i`d keep in touch with him, thers much wers things in life than somone lieing constantly.
 
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B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
I think hes bi-polar. But he wont ever admit it or even attempt to seek help, hes too stubborn. Basically in his eyes, hes right and hes the good one and the rest of the world has turned against him. Its been a while since I posted this, but since then, i've decided to keep very little contact with him. A few years ago we were very close, to the point I could go to the pub with him or have a smoke. That was probably the problem, he brain washed me when I was younger and now I can't connect to people my own age. Yes its easy to blame all my problems on him isnt it? Its a very complex and muddled relationship, but so is life...
 
rakshasdragon

rakshasdragon

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Jun 2, 2009
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244
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England
I kind of know what how you feel although with my Dad it was the other way around I always knew he was a lier. For the first 14 yrs of my life I saw my day once or twice a year and every time he came he said he would see me next Saturday or something like that and he never did. When I was 9 I was told I had an older half brother and never met him until I was 13. He still lies about things now and like your Dad he believes himself to be in the right. If anyone says different he gets moody and you dont see him for a couple of days. Now I see him evryday but hes always trying to to go against my Mom, he even told me once that my Mom never wanted kids just for that reason.

No matter what he is still your Dad and I think you should try to work things out with him, if not then figure out what he lies about and ignore it.
 
B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
There are good points. He devorced my mother when I was 7 but he never disappeared, at least we saw him at weekends etc and he would take us out when we were kids.

However, i'll share one lie with you guys.

When I was young (before the devorce) He claimed he had cancer, the doctors said he was gunna die. So he took his wife back to her home country (shes foreign) along with the kids because he claimed she woudnt be able to cope here without him. Basically he was preparing to die. Little did I know he was behind on his mortgage payments and massively in debt. My Nan died recently, I recovered some very old invoices and bills kept in storage for him at her house, revealing all. Also I had a long chat with one of the nurses who was treating him during his 'cancer', claimed it was a pack of lies. In fact none of our friends and family believed him (though everyone did at the time). Oh and hes still alive. Was there really a cure for cancer in 1988? His story, some special Indian Doctor who lived in the Himalaya mountains give him special medicines. I believed that when I was younger.

There are more lies like this, not little white fibs, but massive life changing lies but there's no point dwelling on them. Whatever happens to him now is probably Karma even if that means hes lost his families respect.
 
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