How do you cope with feelings about your FP?

L

Lockpon

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#1
I'd really like some advice regarding feelings about my FP, who is my partner. These feelings are so exhausting and I just want them to stop; I want to be calm about things and not overworry or get upset over every little thing.

What's currently got me down is that I'm almost certainly not seeing him this weekend because he has a cold. Normally he'd be fine with coming over anyway and I'd rather get ill that not see him, but I recently recovered from severe sepsis and was told in hospital to avoid illnesses at all costs because about half of people who get it once get it again within 3 months.

Knowing I can't see him because the thought of being ill skyrockets my anxiety after sepsis, my night was ruined and it was really hard to sleep. Today I'm filled with anxiety because he hasn't responded to my messages this morning.

I at least know not to tell him about these over-the-top emotions, because that would stress him out, but they're so hard to cope with.

Feel free to talk about your own experiences too and how you deal with those feelings. I'd really appreciate any input at all.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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#2
hi welcome to the forum x I have similar experiences to you regarding my fp
but I don't feel able to share them right now
just wanted to welcome you ,send love and assure you that you are not alone xxxx
 
RockSolid

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#3
I was in an ICU all last November with sepsis. I'm still struggling to walk. They pumped me so full of antibiotics I couldn't have caught a cold if I tried. I think it's mostly elderly patients and the more severe cases where limbs are removed that need to worry about relapsing. You can survive one weekend your FP, mine lives on the other side of the world.
 
L

Lockpon

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#4
hi welcome to the forum x I have similar experiences to you regarding my fp
but I don't feel able to share them right now
just wanted to welcome you ,send love and assure you that you are not alone xxxx
Aww, thank you. I understand if you don't want to share, I really appreciate the support anyway. It helps a lot.

I was in an ICU all last November with sepsis. I'm still struggling to walk. They pumped me so full of antibiotics I couldn't have caught a cold if I tried. I think it's mostly elderly patients and the more severe cases where limbs are removed that need to worry about relapsing. You can survive one weekend your FP, mine lives on the other side of the world.
While I'm sorry to hear you had, and still are having, such a hard time with sepsis, I wish you wouldn't spread misinformation about it.

For starters, that's not how antibiotics work. A cold is typically a virus and they won't stop you from being harmed from viruses. Even in the case of bacteria, they won't last forever. There are such a wide variety of bacteria in the world (worryingly more and more becoming resistant to typical broad spectrum antibiotics, something that's a first-line treatment for bacterial sepsis), that you can still get bacterial sepsis again even if you have been treated with them. And while the elderly are more susceptible to relapses, it is most certainly not true that those of any age who have gone through severe sepsis (or worse, septic shock) are not still at high risk for future septic episodes. As I mentioned in my post, I was strictly advised by a doctor to avoid illness as much as I could due to the risk.

I don't really appreciate the dismissal of my FP issues because of your situation with LDRs, either. I have been in LDRs too and, in my experience, it's an entirely different ballgame. I have become used to seeing my FP IRL and so, unsurprisingly, when he is away I miss him. Comparing our issues and replying to say effectively "oh come on, you can survive one weekend away, my situation is worse" helps create a bit of a pain Olympics environment/competition which IMO isn't conductive to a useful community for people wanting support.

Note: like I said in the title, I welcome hearing other experiences, I just don't think it's very kind to try to dismiss or belittle my own experiences and feelings about them by comparing them to others or yours.
 
RockSolid

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#5
Aww, thank you. I understand if you don't want to share, I really appreciate the support anyway. It helps a lot.


While I'm sorry to hear you had, and still are having, such a hard time with sepsis, I wish you wouldn't spread misinformation about it.

For starters, that's not how antibiotics work. A cold is typically a virus and they won't stop you from being harmed from viruses. Even in the case of bacteria, they won't last forever. There are such a wide variety of bacteria in the world (worryingly more and more becoming resistant to typical broad spectrum antibiotics, something that's a first-line treatment for bacterial sepsis), that you can still get bacterial sepsis again even if you have been treated with them. And while the elderly are more susceptible to relapses, it is most certainly not true that those of any age who have gone through severe sepsis (or worse, septic shock) are not still at high risk for future septic episodes. As I mentioned in my post, I was strictly advised by a doctor to avoid illness as much as I could due to the risk.

I don't really appreciate the dismissal of my FP issues because of your situation with LDRs, either. I have been in LDRs too and, in my experience, it's an entirely different ballgame. I have become used to seeing my FP IRL and so, unsurprisingly, when he is away I miss him. Comparing our issues and replying to say effectively "oh come on, you can survive one weekend away, my situation is worse" helps create a bit of a pain Olympics environment/competition which IMO isn't conductive to a useful community for people wanting support.

Note: like I said in the title, I welcome hearing other experiences, I just don't think it's very kind to try to dismiss or belittle my own experiences and feelings about them by comparing them to others or yours.
I know plenty about it. My lungs shut down from septic shock and a week later my heart stopped for an hour. Plus I had three weeks of ICU syndrome. I was trying to be positive. My FP is not a long distance romance. I do not think of her that way. Give me a break, this is my first day on this forum. I was trying to be nice.
 
Flameheart

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#6
I've had the same FP coming up to 4 years now, we aren't in a relationship, just a very close friend, I've found in the past few months my feelings towards him have been less intense

We see each other once a month, but text almost every day, it used to be that any day I couldn't see him I'd be miserable or if he didn't reply within 2-3 days I'd start to feel abandoned, sometimes I still do, but not as much as I used too

As I've said on another thread I think having other focuses helps so you aren't thinking about them all the time and also so you have an identity outside of your FP

Distance also helps, you need to learn to cope without each other for a while, but I know how hard that is, I'm not saying to not see each other for months or weeks at a time, but just less than you are used too

Overall you need to manage your own impulses and emotions, that's really what most of it comes down too, when I'm more emotional and having episodes, my attachment to my FP sky rockets, but when I'm calm and more 'stable' I'm not as clingy or needy towards him

I think you not being able to see him this weekend is a good starting point on learning to cope without him, I know it maybe too late to do so, but making other plans as a distraction would be a good idea

I hope some of this was helpful
 
L

Lockpon

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#7
I've had the same FP coming up to 4 years now, we aren't in a relationship, just a very close friend, I've found in the past few months my feelings towards him have been less intense

We see each other once a month, but text almost every day, it used to be that any day I couldn't see him I'd be miserable or if he didn't reply within 2-3 days I'd start to feel abandoned, sometimes I still do, but not as much as I used too

As I've said on another thread I think having other focuses helps so you aren't thinking about them all the time and also so you have an identity outside of your FP

Distance also helps, you need to learn to cope without each other for a while, but I know how hard that is, I'm not saying to not see each other for months or weeks at a time, but just less than you are used too

Overall you need to manage your own impulses and emotions, that's really what most of it comes down too, when I'm more emotional and having episodes, my attachment to my FP sky rockets, but when I'm calm and more 'stable' I'm not as clingy or needy towards him

I think you not being able to see him this weekend is a good starting point on learning to cope without him, I know it maybe too late to do so, but making other plans as a distraction would be a good idea

I hope some of this was helpful
Thank you for taking the time to reply, that advice does sound very helpful. You're right, it's hard, but I guess if I do end up not seeing him for 3 weeks (the outcome if I can't see him Mon) hopefully I'll learn coping mechanisms to be more okay with being alone. I just dropped out of Uni too, so I guess all of this is an adjustment process.

I guess, to try to be positive, I've been with him nearly 3 years and my emotion spikes have very gradually improved over time. So that's good. Hopefully this trend will continue.
 

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