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How do you buy shoes if you are agoraphobic?

Z

zwish

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Jun 12, 2009
Messages
127
I find myself in position now where my wellies are leaking, asnd I have only one pair of shows, and fear going into shops to try pairs on. When I try things go wrong, because I am so paranoid BUT IF I buy online and wellies or shoes don't fit, this will mean having to pay extra to send them back

Here's a recent experience. My mum cam with me to this garden centre to see if there were any wellies (the ones I have had for years my mum got me them and they are heaven (i can manage walking around the park for exercise and fresh air and looking at wonderful nature, but I fear social places), fleece-lined and VERY comfortable. So I have been irate one has got a leak-slit in the heel. The people that made them have stopped making that style). So I saw this eye catching welly, tried it on. Was a nit loose by the toe even though it should have been my size, but I figured that in winter with thick socks it would be alright. There wasn't another one so we had to find an assistant to help (FEAR). He found it and I foolishly let my mum pay on her card to get them. When I get home I try them on and they are TERRIBLE to walk in. my feet are rattling around in then, and they slip off as I walk about. NIGHTMARE! And I find ouyt how much they were. In my paranoia I had not even thought of that. Luckily we got a refund. At the hop, by the way, they did have next size under that one, but they were pressing my big toe.

SO. How then can I buy shows online. Do any of you here? Are there places that understand people who HAVE to shop online because of social anxiety and thus allow for free returns if shoes don't fit?

Me going into shops is a nightmare. I hate mirrors, and I feel assistants, are ither staring or laughing at me or both, and all of this clouds my judgement.

When I went to the garden centre, BOTH times there were these people at the door as we went in handing out leaflets and wanting money to sponsor children in Africa. BOTH times (each time there were different people!!) I felt they were laughing at me and my mum. it was an awful surreal experience because these people are supposed to be loving and caring for these children, and yet I felt they were laughing at us. I just dont know what to do when this happens. I am totally at a loss, but FEEL absolutely terrible, and humiliated and deeply upset and paranoid. And am haunted by it from then on making my confidence even worse, adding to other awful memories, and adding to my dread of social places.

But this post is not about that specifically. I was just sharing part of the kinds of experiences I have going into social places.

The CRUCIAL question is the easiest way to buy wellies and shoes online. So places exist which offer free-returns and/or even recognize people in our situation, or might if we explained out situation?
The latest place (for Muck Boots) I have received feedback from said that they send free postage, but if I were to return them they do charge

You can of course return them for a full refund or exchange. As we offer a free delivery service we are unable to do free returns. However you can use our Swap Out service at £6.99 or Collect Plus at £4.49. I have sent details below on both just in case you need to return the order for any reason. Let me know if you need any further help or advice.

Regards
So can people here help me with this?
 
Last edited:
Passionflower

Passionflower

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There is an online shop called zalando(if you are in the uk) that does free delivery and returns.
 
Z

zwish

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Jun 12, 2009
Messages
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they seem to have only one pair of wellies in their shoes section. At the moment it is wellies or muck boots I am after
 
B

BAGGPUSS

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I do all my clothes and shoe shopping online and have done for 7 years due to social phobia.

Ive found the following shops very helpfull and they include a free returns Sticker inside the Delivery Parcel

Very online
Next online
Surfdome online

the Worst place to shop online is Sports Direct their sizes are bullshit and they send any old shit.

hope that is of help.

:hug:
 
M

Mastiff mom

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Jun 22, 2014
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Washington,DC
I do all my shopping online as well-- I feel anxious and overwhelmed in malls and such. The downside is you can't try anything on and I am terrible at returning-- can't deal with the post office either! But through much trial and error I have found online shops that carry what I want, with accurate sizing. I also read customer reviews. They can be helpful.
 
Z

zwish

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Joined
Jun 12, 2009
Messages
127
I do all my shopping online as well-- I feel anxious and overwhelmed in malls and such. The downside is you can't try anything on and I am terrible at returning-- can't deal with the post office either! But through much trial and error I have found online shops that carry what I want, with accurate sizing. I also read customer reviews. They can be helpful.

THANKS ALL PEOPLE. I appreciate this help

I am male by the way.

Mastiff mom, can you also let me know a list of places you use (I am in UK). The more the better. I DREAD shopping
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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It's really difficult having anxiety. I despise going to any normal shops to buy shoes or clothes.. they always seem so busy. :(

I use JD Williams, though that is classed as a Women's Clothing site.
If you type in "free returns" with a search for wellies, it might produce some more results if you're stuck for places to look.
 
Z

zwish

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Jun 12, 2009
Messages
127
Two major problems not being able to actually shop in person: you are not sure if it will suit you. I hate mirrors so would find it an absolute nightmare to go into shop and have to be seen checking out in mirrors if something suits me. I HAVE done it and memories are bad! So it is a gamble to chop online. In the past my mum---who has GREAT taste in clothes and what would suit me would get me stuff on birthdays and chrissy, but she cannot do the shops like she used to so much.
So, yeahm there's the WILL IT SUIT ME prob?

Next, regarding SIZE (which is same of course) But example my shoe size seems to fluctuate from 8 1/2 to 9s. But many shoes, and wellies dont do halves. So there's danger of wellies being too loose or too tight near big toe

Let me ask a question about dealing with online places. Have any of you shared with the customer services about your anxiety probs so that you may get a more compassionate service considering your problem?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Have any of you shared with the customer services about your anxiety probs so that you may get a more compassionate service considering your problem?
No, but only because I didn't need to.
Most places are pretty good with customer services and won't even ask for an explanation.
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I think you might be over-thinking. I know, I do it myself.
It's easy to get caught up thinking "What if they ask why i'm returning this item?" and trying to get an excuse prepared, but i've never had anybody at customer services ask why i'm returning an item. They're more than likely just wanting to help. The customer's always right, so they say.
 
T

tiltawhirl3

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Oct 30, 2010
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Location
Bristol TN
I am not as agorophobic as I used to be. I have meds that help and a supportive partner...but I do still hate any shopping and will do so only when I absolutely have to and then still put it off.

Ironically, I HAD to buy shoes today. My partner steers me to the correct aisle and I pay no attention to anyone else. I find a pair that will work out, try one on. It fits. And then I am out of there, swinging by to grab a package of socks on the way out.

It is a big deal because I have put this off for about 3 years...but my daughter is on her way here now to pick us up for a week vacation so I could not delay it any longer. But I did wait until the last minute.

We use the self-checkout. He does that part too on my debit card.

I think a lot of people do shop online even if not agorophobic but simply because they are so very busy.
 
Z

zwish

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Messages
127
The drag for me now is that most of my shoes are sizes 8 1/2. Yet all the wellies I am seeing online are either 8s or 9s. If I get an 8 it would mist likely be too tight, and if I get 9 they may be too loose. What would YOU do if you were me?
NIGHTMARE!!!!!
At the moment I am walking in the sodden park with my foot in TWO plastic bags in one welly held up with two elastic bands, and somehow the wet is still getting through the plastic all cold and soggy and my heel is wet and dirty.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Oh I hope you find a decent pair soon.
When I used to walk the dogs daily, my wellies broke and I did the plastic bag thing.. it's a nightmare! x
 
N

notrealname

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May 4, 2009
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766
Can I be an absolute pain in the arse and suggest you keep trying to go by those men at the garden centre?

I know it's hard, but you know that they're not actually laughing at you, you only feel that they are.

When I was agoraphobic, the way I got over it was by going to the bus stop outside my house and waiting for the bus. The first few times, I ran back inside before the bus came. Then I managed to stay there until the bus came, and ran away rather than getting on. Then eventually I got on the bus for one stop, then two stops etc. until i managed an entire bus journey.

The only reason I say this is because it really worked. It's horrible having anxiety, but the way I've overcome it in the past is to figure out what I fear the most and then face it head on. I did the same for social anxiety. I realised I was terrified of speaking to people, so I walked up to a group of strangers and joined the conversation. I didn't really say much - too scared - but I was so proud of myself that I'd done it.

I'm not saying any of this stuff is easy - it's really hard and yeah you'll probably run away at first, that's totally ok - but my advice is to focus on those guys at the garden centre and make it a challenge to yourself to walk past them again and again, reminding yourself that you are feeling anxiety, but it will not kill you, and you are experiencing thoughts that are horrible, but they are not reality, and that you are a strong, healthy person who can beat this.

I hope it's not annoying for me to say all that, I know sometimes you don't want to hear it, but I thought I'd say it anyway :)
 
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