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How do most of you cope with having Bipolar ?

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Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Hello everyone.
I feel really bad right now, feel like there is no way out that I am ruining in circles and that I am going nowhere and never getting better
In fact only getting worse, witch I had the money to lock myself up in a mental word and never having to face the world again. I have no idea
how to cope with what I am going through
 
angiebib1976

angiebib1976

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derby
Hi Necroticah

:welcome: to the forum.

Please could I ask, are you on any meds? Under a pdoc? Do you have any support?
Sorry for all the questions, but if we know a little more, we can try and help you better.

Take Care

Angie
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Hello angie thanks for the worm welcome.

My house doc had me on antidepressants for a while and did not work at all, made me even worse.
Went to a new doc last week and put me on Epiteck ( Same stuff thy give to Epilepsy ppl )
and Anti anxiety pills. Was on tranks but Its to dangeruse for me to keep them on me I do stupid
things in moments of weeknes
I do not have a Pdock and not much support at all.
 
angiebib1976

angiebib1976

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Oh hun, you're in a bad place right now. The Epiteck sounds like what I take - Depakote, another anti-epilepsy drug. Mine took a week or so to start kicking it, but since it has, I've really noticed a difference.
How are your sleep patterns and appetite at the mo? Do you feel 'high' or 'low' or mixed at the moment?

We will support you on here as much as we can - most of us have been at this stage at some point in our 'illness'
Just keep posting.

Have a hug :hug: sounds like you need one!

Angie
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Yeh the Epiteck will take a while she said, she is increasing my dosage weekly. So hope they will work for me Cose I do not know witch way to go with myself right now.
I am struggling to sleep not hungry. but tired as hell Faling into a really bad low for the last few days.
I don't even know to much About Bipolar exsept for what I am feeling and that is one helll of a confusion in it self. About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
New diagnosed last week as bipolar. The doc did a lot of eford to let the Psychiatrist help to diagnose me and get me on the right meds.

Thank you, you are so nice ;)
 
angiebib1976

angiebib1976

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The thing with Depakote ( and possibly your meds) is that initially your mood swings increase in frequency, but they get less extreme. So you will swing more often at first, but the highs and lows will gradually get less bad. Then they sort of even out. It takes time. The first week for me was hell, if I'm honest. But you will come through it - it does get better.
The tiredness will be as a result of your meds - mine have been increased this week, and I feel more tired. And my appetite has faded too.
Do you keep a diary ?- it may help to keep a track of your moods for a little while at least.

Keep talking on here - ask questions about anything you don't understand, the odds are one of us will have experienced it!!

Take Care

Angie
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Yeh Its tuff but ill push through it.
No I tried but in my lows I don't really care about doing anything. Is it normal to have more lows then highs ? Is feeling suicidel or hurting yourself part of being bipolar?
And to switch from intense anger, sadness, depression, anxiety. Becose of the smallest reasons and sometime no reasons at all ?And is it thy way I was born or did something trigger it to , make me this ?

Thank you for your time Agie
 
angiebib1976

angiebib1976

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Location
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Ok. It varies from person to person how many highs and lows they have. I tend to have a high, which lasts a few days, then I become angry, irritable for a few days, then I hit a low which can last weeks, even months.
Yes - the feelings of SH (self harm) and suicide are related to the depressive state of bipolar.
The bipolar can certainly make you switch, at the slightest things, even for no reason at all.

The last question is the hardest to answer - I don't think anyone has figured that out yet. My personal view is that it is genetic - but unless a traumatic event occurs in your life, it sort of lies dormant asleep in your body. But if something happens, it triggers it.
That is my own personal view though - and many members may disagree with me. As I say, there is no definitive answer as yet.
Hope this helps

Angie
 
T

tecnofobic

Guest
If you bi-polar babe they should not have you purely on anti ds, they can cause you to go high on their own, usaully is a mood stabiliser as well.... I dont know hon keep [posting and go back to your gp and demand some real support. Its not easy and wish you well

tecno
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Hey tecno

I was only on anti ds And tanks, but when to a new gp and id on different meds Still needs to get into my system, but I already can feel a slight differences so far. Going back in 2 weeks so she can see how I am doing and if the meds are working.
But I gess I feel bit better cos of my anxiety also being treated.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hello Necroticah

:welcome: to the forum. I am a little confused. Are you seeing a pdoc (psychiatrist) at the moment? You mention one but seem to be being treated by your GP. I think that must be confusing for you. Mood stabilisers do work ad help people to feel better once they kick in.If you have bipolar it doesn't mean you have mood swings quickly all the time. I get far more lows than highs, which is generally the pattern for most people. The reason it is serious is that there is often no outside cause for it. However, stress in our lives can create a much more extreme reaction in us than normal people.

Anxiety is also normal because we try so hard to control our swings and that inevitably causes anxiety.

Ask strongly to be referred to see a psychiatrist as you need more support than you are getting. Bipolar is classified as a major mental condition, and so you should be helped by a psychiatrist. Apart from pills, they can refer you to other help around you. You are entitled to this care. You don't say where you live, it might help to tell us which county you are in.

If you need to find out more about bipolar, I can recommend, "Bipolar Disorder: the ultimate guide" by Sarah Owen and Amanda Saunders. It will tell you all you need to know and you can dive in and out of the book. If you can't afford to buy it, get it from your local library on inter library loan. xx
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Hello and thank you.

No I am not seeing one at all I can not afford to see one. I went to my gp, that did not have a clue what to do for me, so I went to a difrent gp, that Phoned a Psychiatrist hand helped me out in that way.
I live in South Africa, Yes we have free pdoc's but you stand in a line for a hole day to get help, and then you still have the chance to get send home cos thy closed. And privately id pay R1200 to see one for 1 hour. ( $169.25, Euro120.11 )
And I am just a waiters. Id love to get real help cos cant stand this thy dont know what to do for me at all. Witch makes me feel worse cos i feel there's no help and no end to this madness. And my family dont know how to handle me at all. thy hate me thy think I am just full of shit. I almost drove my husband away he is understanding but its getting to much for him.
And now I live in a stressful place, and makes me loose it.
 
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N

Necroticah

Member
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Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Wow I have not longed onto this forma for years.
Thank you for all our support back then,quit interesting to see what I felt back then And how I feel now.
I made it I am still hear still fighting. Took me years to get help. I stayed on my epitec, dosages was just adjusted Also some tranquilizers. For a long time I was up and down in life had many close calls to taking my own life. Left my medication and had a few rough years.
Recently I Had a trip to emergency room again and got admired against my will to mental ward.
I guess it was a blessing in disguise I feel like I did not gain much out of being there, But I know tats not entirely true. I Got the help I needed and also a wake up call. I need to stay on my medication. The psychiatrist I sow diagnosed me as bipolar and borderline personalty disorder.
I got put back on epitec 250 but also a anti-psychotic called dopaqual 50. Its side effects is rough on me but first time in my life I am not thinking suicidal thought 4-5 times a week if not more.

I am struggling a bit at this stage as My insurance did not cover my hospital stay and I am now owing the hospital a lot of money and also struggling to keep up with the payment of my medication. It frustrates me a bit cause I am taking the steps I have to to get better but life keeps throwing curve balls at you.

I am still not in the space I want to be I know I still need to commit to actually get the help i need. I have not gone back to the drs from the word as I am moving to make a fresh start, My past demons needs to be left behind try get a clean start. Wear I will work with a psychiatrist and psychologist. Want to do behavioral therapy. To help me cope or overcome my BPD. And alsojust actualt deal with a lot of things from my childhood that I never prosesd. The psychologist I sow in the word Touched ground on really deep issues. Sad part is She not getting back to me now that I am out, even though we did agree that I was gonna go see her, but I have to make contact and I did, But feels like she avoiding me never getting back to me from the messages i leave at office. I cant just book appointment need her to prose my paperwork with my insurance to see her.

I just wanted to say again thanks for the support I got back then I was in dark space. I still tryd to take my life back then But I am alive and still fighting.
 
calypso

calypso

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WOW its 8 years since you were last here! It is good to hear from you again. I hope you can continue with your meds despite the cost of them. It sounds as though you are managing to stay afloat just. I hope you find a therapist. I think you are very brave and have shown enormous strength to keep going despite all you have been through.
 
N

Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
I am glad to be back, for support but also to be abel to give some support back. I still get my ups and downs but waiting for medication to be 100 % sorted out. But I try to stay strictly on them cause they make the worlds difference. Can already feel that the ups and downs are not as intense. But Also feel i am going into a high and feeling very impulsive. But can control myself way better than 8 years ago.
I Found a therapist that side will see how it goes when I meat him, But he specializes in Borderline personality disorder. Seems to be my biggest challenge. I can not be around ppl The outside world will swallow me up and spit me out. I can not handle conflict without want to die. It spirals me out of control And then I feel like I need to die and that I am useless worthless don't deserve to be hear, and the feelings become so intense that I always Self harm, And depending how bad conflict is Makes the outcome way worse. I learnt to normal just walk away and find away to ground myself, them I am fine If I get over it. But if I cant get out of the conflict I am complacently out of it and out of control. My partner is really sportive and He knows my triggers and poor person walks on egg shells to notflip me off. That can be no way to live, so I really want to work on this. My latest indecent is when we got into a fight. And I can not handle disappointing him or fighting with him. He was tired of always having to keep quite and I wanted to walk away cause felt overwhelmed but he for once wanted to say his say. I don't remember much after that I blacked out and ended up seriously hurting myself. But think was a big wake up call for both that I Need to get my self sorted.
I loged back in yesterday as I felt so overwhelmed that I I got the call about insurance not paying my full hospital stay and we ow $500.
But We fighting it cause the hospital only admitted me on paper work Monday morning as a self book in. Insted of me getting booked in at Saturday Night as a emergency. So Hoping we will get it sorted, But the phone call made my BPD voice really give me agao at myself. About how shitty I am. specially the gilt i feel about the self harm.
It sounds funny say int is my BPD but want to separate my normal thought with the way having BPD makes you think. But Feeling positive. Specially knowing with few years of therapy BPD can be overcome aperantly. If you can tap into the core content.

Anyway I ramble of a lot.
Hope you are doing well and treatment is still working well for you <3
 
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