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How do i tell my best friend i never want to see him again?

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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
You are only 21! Things change, you will change. Depression disintegrates resilience and drive. If you had these you might try to compete with him, he might be a spur to get you to match him.
Losing friends that are no longer on the same path as you is going to take away pressure. He is useless to you right now. Whatever he has is he happy? Is he considerate to you, does he try to help you with your situation?
Be kind to yourself. Keep him away from you while you recover. Go back to your GP and get put on the list for CBT. Stay away from him its clear he is stoking envy and comparison and it will keep you in reverse.
:hug:
 
S

stephen27898

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
78
Location
Southampton
You are only 21! Things change, you will change. Depression disintegrates resilience and drive. If you had these you might try to compete with him, he might be a spur to get you to match him.
Losing friends that are no longer on the same path as you is going to take away pressure. He is useless to you right now. Whatever he has is he happy? Is he considerate to you, does he try to help you with your situation?
Be kind to yourself. Keep him away from you while you recover. Go back to your GP and get put on the list for CBT. Stay away from him its clear he is stoking envy and comparison and it will keep you in reverse.
:hug:
I really wish I could find it within me to just kill myself.

I'm so desperate for this to just all be over and I dont care how.

I cant deal with the pain I feel all day every day anymore, and I dont see why I should bother, my life has always been shit, I've always been alone and I've always felt alone, I'm such a pathetic failure, I want to die.
 
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indigo6

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Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
This is severe depression. I have had this on and off Stephen please know that I understand. I have come out from this darkest black. I grade depression into shades. 2 years ago I was the same as you. It changes, really it does. You have bad weeks, months even, each day a little different. Something can happen, plus or minus and you absorb it. You have lost your outer plating, think of it like that.
People can be the main cause of pain. Connection is very important to us. We need to feel like we belong or are cared for or approved of. This is basic psychology. This person is the main reason for your problem and with it, the feelings build up and run away out of control. What you are feeling is your thoughts gone haywire. It is true, your friend has a different life to you but depression is making you feel this difference very deeply and turn on yourself.
If you stop your contact with them and start to work on yourself and it will take time you will recover and be able to handle your thoughts and feelings work through them and get stronger. I look back in disbelief, its a faint memory now. Its like I was drunk, you can never remember being drunk. Sometimes it goes a dark grey. I get triggered (you can read my last few times if you search-its a person that sets me off ) but Ive built a bit of my plating back up and it bounces off faster.
I wonder just how much involvement you are having with your health team. Can you answer that please. Who (not name!) are you seeing, how often, are you on meds, do you have a support worker or wellbeing person are you having or waiting for talking therapy?
 
S

stephen27898

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
78
Location
Southampton
This is severe depression. I have had this on and off Stephen please know that I understand. I have come out from this darkest black. I grade depression into shades. 2 years ago I was the same as you. It changes, really it does. You have bad weeks, months even, each day a little different. Something can happen, plus or minus and you absorb it. You have lost your outer plating, think of it like that.
People can be the main cause of pain. Connection is very important to us. We need to feel like we belong or are cared for or approved of. This is basic psychology. This person is the main reason for your problem and with it, the feelings build up and run away out of control. What you are feeling is your thoughts gone haywire. It is true, your friend has a different life to you but depression is making you feel this difference very deeply and turn on yourself.
If you stop your contact with them and start to work on yourself and it will take time you will recover and be able to handle your thoughts and feelings work through them and get stronger. I look back in disbelief, its a faint memory now. Its like I was drunk, you can never remember being drunk. Sometimes it goes a dark grey. I get triggered (you can read my last few times if you search-its a person that sets me off ) but Ive built a bit of my plating back up and it bounces off faster.
I wonder just how much involvement you are having with your health team. Can you answer that please. Who (not name!) are you seeing, how often, are you on meds, do you have a support worker or wellbeing person are you having or waiting for talking therapy?
I'm on meds I saw them last before christmas I've been part of multiple groups, I'm trying to be more social, I'm too scared to face employment right now although I wish that wasnt the case, I just dont want to deal with it anymore, I just want my life back, or I want this to end and I dont care how.

Theres also another huge issue, I hate my mother and I dont want to talk to her about this or her to even know how I feel right now, she knows I have mental health issues but I don't want her to know any more than she knows.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
Hi Stephen
Meds is ok but not enough. You definitely need more help. Did the GP offer counselling? You have to be proactive sometimes. Different areas have different protocol. Im lucky my surgery has good provision for mh. Its just how it goes. If you can push for CBT I recommend it. Its how Im talking like this to you right now.
Well its not the law to get on with your Mother. Whatever is behind it, if you dont feel shes sympathetic best to cross her off the list, Im talking about your recovery list. Is there though anyone else you can rely on? It could be anyone that you feel ok with.
Do you have a Mind near you.
I also suggest sinking into an interest or hobby.
What are your sleep patterns and your food like?
 
S

stephen27898

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
78
Location
Southampton
Hi Stephen
Meds is ok but not enough. You definitely need more help. Did the GP offer counselling? You have to be proactive sometimes. Different areas have different protocol. Im lucky my surgery has good provision for mh. Its just how it goes. If you can push for CBT I recommend it. Its how Im talking like this to you right now.
Well its not the law to get on with your Mother. Whatever is behind it, if you dont feel shes sympathetic best to cross her off the list, Im talking about your recovery list. Is there though anyone else you can rely on? It could be anyone that you feel ok with.
Do you have a Mind near you.
I also suggest sinking into an interest or hobby.
What are your sleep patterns and your food like?
Tried CBT and I hated it and I didnt find it effective, I have done other mental health courses, I havent really done counselling.
 
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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
Counselling is just you talking, letting it out, offfloading. If you think that will help you can request that.
Have to go Stephen for today. Back tomorrow before lunch.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
288
Location
London, ON
Tried CBT and I hated it and I didnt find it effective
It's not a quick fix. It took years to get you into this state, it will take time to get you out of it.

CBT works, if you put the work into it. You can't just passively get better.
 
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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
It's not a quick fix. It took years to get you into this state, it will take time to get you out of it.

CBT works, if you put the work into it. You can't just passively get better.
Agree , well said.
Only in this last episode, few years running now, have the health professionals taken this new approach to mh. I never knew I have to manage my mind (something they only learned recently too) We think about watching our physical health. Watch what you eat, be careful with an old injury but not our minds. I never knew I had to handle my mind like you do your body.
Its a revelation. Its not easy but it does work or at least help.
 
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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,340
Location
UK
What time up and to bed?
What sort of foods Stephen?
 
S

stephen27898

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
78
Location
Southampton
Agree , well said.
Only in this last episode, few years running now, have the health professionals taken this new approach to mh. I never knew I have to manage my mind (something they only learned recently too) We think about watching our physical health. Watch what you eat, be careful with an old injury but not our minds. I never knew I had to handle my mind like you do your body.
Its a revelation. Its not easy but it does work or at least help.
If I was content with my life this wouldnt be an issue, but due to certain conditions I have it makes it very hard for me feel connected to anyone and given how much I hate my life when I see other people my age just virtually breezing through life it makes me sick to the point I cant even be around people I consider friends because it makes me suicidal.


I'm pretty much 100% sure I'll kill myself in the not so distant future, these relapses keep getting triggered and my quality of life has never been worth this struggles I just dont see the point.
 
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