• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

How do I talk to her?

B

BadlyDrawnGirl

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
5
I already posted this on another part of the site, but thought it might be better placed in here. I've got a really strong feeling that my best friend has BiPolar disorder, but I don't know how to suggest it to her. She's really stubborn and would hate anyone pointing out a weakness, but I'm scared that if she does have it and I don't say anything, she'll never figure it out and/or go and get help. However, if she doesn't have it and I've suggested she does, I don't want her to be upset and mad at me for thinking she's 'mental' or whatever. Should I bring it up? If so, how?
 
J

jekel1

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 9, 2009
Messages
123
Location
bradford west yorks
hi

thats a hard one . maybe just drop into conversation? if she is stubborn then i can see why you find it so difficult. if i were you i would suggest it to her and tell her that you only wants whats best and that its only a thought. she really wont get help untill she wants to though. just try be a great friend and support her in the best way you can by being there. it was my sister that made me go and now im on tablets and getting there, try get het her on one of her normal days , no point doing while she is up or down.
 
B

BadlyDrawnGirl

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
5
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna talk to her about it in a really non-dramatic way, like not make it into a big deal, just sort of mention it and then see how she reacts =) how did you react when your sister mentioned it? Thanks for your help =)
p.s. Your profile says you're from Bradford - me too, I feel for you :p
 
J

jekel1

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 9, 2009
Messages
123
Location
bradford west yorks
hi

at first i was annoyed i thought how dare she question me i thought i was having fun but she pointed certain behaviors to me. i ended up having a psychotic breakdown and shes been there for me ever since . im now in as rough patch but im on meds and in contact with mental heath teams and getting the support i need . i hope all goes well with your mate , its so difficult for you as well as your mate. and hey what part of bradford you from , im from bolton woods , il understand if you dont want to put where ur from on here btw x:grouphug: you can find lots of support on here its a really good forum x any time you want to chat just email me x
 
B

bluebell24

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
Hi BDG,

I agree, difficult topic to raise and without knowing you or the other person involved I have to urge caution, but I can tell you my experience.

In the midst of a prolonged mixed episode I made a new, and almost instantly close friend. The friendship was complicated though as my boundaries were so blurred at the time and I was really confused about my feelings. After about 6 months of ups and downs (me and the friendship!!) I was on the verge of losing the friend, doubly complicated as this person was also a colleague at the time so there was no option of just ending things; we had to find a way to get thru.

To cut a long story short(er), 13 years prior to this experience it had been suggested to me that I was almost certainly bipolar. I was young, naive and not interested and carried on with life, most of which was good. When all this reared its head again it took some time but eventually I realised what the problem might be. For the sake of salvaging a friendship I came clean and told this friend what I believed was wrong. I made a bit of a shambles of it by declaring I was definitely bipolar without a formal diagnosis which caused problems and confusion later on although that's by the by.

The point here is that when I told him, he responded immediately that he had suspected that that may be part of what was going on but hadn't wanted to suggest it for fear of being wrong and also for not knowing how best to approach it. It turned out he had had an ex with bipolar so had a lot more insight than I could ever have imagine. It was a weight off my mind and part of me wished he had said something sooner. I can't say how I might have reacted but it was a positive experience when I was able to admit it to someone, and was the first step on my road to getting some help.

Now, apart from the fact that you really don't know if this is what's wrong, my reason for caution is threefold...

1) I became suddenly very dependent upon this person as someone to sound off to and my lack of recognition of the weight of responsibility it would place on him was problematic
2) If you're wrong it would be difficult to retract, and without knowing your relationship I can't say how that might turn out
3) Acknowledging a problem really is a very early part of a long journey ... and you need to consider your well being in that - kinda referencing point 1 again. But that journey won't necessarily be one that stays on an upward trajectory. It can be hard, painful and stressful for all involved.

You're clearly a good friend for wanting to do something, but in my case, I got a lot worse before I got better and a person who helped me in ways he may never know is no longer my friend because the bad times got so bad. I know I will regret this eternally and have learnt from it enormously.

This isn't supposed to sound negative, I really do believe that friends can help people so much but I also now that there are infinite possibilities and you have to arm yourself for them.

Oh gosh, I probably haven't helped you at all but remember, if you do get involved you are not committed to do so for life, you have to take care of yourself too.

Bx
 
Last edited:
B

BadlyDrawnGirl

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
5
Well, the thing is she's going to France and Spain in September for a year as part of her uni course, so I don't want to bring it up, get her all panicked, and then send her packing, you know? I'll figure something out =)
Thanks for your help!
 
DiagnosisBipolar2

DiagnosisBipolar2

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
261
Location
Wiltshire
It's not for you to suggest which mental disorder box she may or may not fit in, that is the job of a psychiatrist. Your job is to be her friend therefore you could suggest to her that as a friend you are worried about certain aspects of her behaviour therefore you would support her 100% in any help she decides to get.

Her symptoms are not necessarily that of Bipolar. Human beings are complex creatures and often we fit into more than one box! Leave the labels for the professionals and just be there as a friend your job is not diagnosis!
 
B

BadlyDrawnGirl

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
5
It's not that I'm trying to diagnose her, it's just how is a psychiatrist supposed to unless I give her the initiative to go? I just think that there may be something wrong and that she might want to think about getting some help for it. I have no idea what the problem is, or if there even is a specific problem - like you said, humans are complex, I'm just trying to look our for her and having looked at the symptoms of quite a few mental problems, bipolar disorder is the one that fits the most.
 
DiagnosisBipolar2

DiagnosisBipolar2

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
261
Location
Wiltshire
That's my point encourage her to see her GP and take it from there.
 
Top